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Old 11-12-2018, 01:46 PM   #1081
The Shadow of the Day
one_step_closer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Scotland

The 'rules' of planned admissions are that I go into hospital for a few days maximum as an intervention to hopefully prevent a long emergency admission. I don't think I will end up needing an emergency admission anyway and if I did I think there would still be strict rules. I have had one planned admission before and it seemed to help but I feel conflicted about it as I wasn't in a really fragile state as I usually am when I am in hospital and some of the staff treated me differently because it was a planned admission so they felt I was less unwell. It made me think I was taking up a bed unnecessarily. I haven't self harmed much so I'm probably safe enough, which means I'm fine. My key worker said this isn't fine but I feel like there are only resources for unsafe people.

I managed to get to the open access clinic this morning about my knees. I mentioned that I walk on my tiptoes and asked if that would make my knees worse. The GP said yes and asked if I had ever been diagnosed with dyspraxia since I have been toe walking since childhood. I don't think my way of walking was ever really investigated, I just remember my Dad always saying I was going to be a ballerina. The GP suggested exercises for my knees and said he could refer me back to physio and also biomechanics since toe walking means that something is wonky, as he put it. He thought my anxious movements might have been a sign of dyspraxia too, but I think they're mostly due to anxiety. I've to try the exercises and come back if things don't improve. I'm not really sure if getting my toe walking etc assessed is important, it wasn't clear to me what the GP thought. I've been living with it all this time anyway so I'm guessing there's nothing hugely serious going on.

I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

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