Possible Relapse (triggering)

[JC_split]

I very recently started thinking about self harming again and today contemplated taking my own life. I have been self harm free now for about 5 years and it's been a struggle while battling PTSD and life in general. I'm happily married to my beautiful wife and serving in the military for going on 9 years so I'm not sure what exactly triggered this want/need to self harm again. It is a scary feeling that I am having these thoughts and I hope my coping skills are enough to resist. I'm not sure what to do I feel lost.

[t.d.i.a.s.d.]

you've been free of self harming for 5 years. that's awesome. you say you've been having thoughts of self harming and also taking your own life. those sound from an outsiders perspective as abrupt and drastic changes. you suddenly not only want to hurt yourself, but also want to take your life.

are there any added stresses that might be beyond 'normal' for you that are adding up?

i don't have experience helping those with military background but im very familiar with loved ones with ptsd. im here for you if i can help at all.

[JC_split]

I've had a little bit of stress at work, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. I've just felt completely cut away from all my happiness and I have no idea where it came from, but honestly I feel like I'm not feeling anything and everything all at once.

[t.d.i.a.s.d.]

its difficult when it feels almost like there's an impulsive desire to do something but you can't figure out if it's due to an emptiness or if something is outright wrong.

do you speak to anybody about this? professional or personal?