It was only one occasion, but it's really messed me up, anyone have a take on this?
And do I even have any right to be upset with her for saying that if it's the truth?
Maybe I should let it go. I want to be there for her (as I have been since she started) but I can't even look at her right now and it's raked everything back up for me so I've been too low to really resolve anything between us, I guess. Also, if I'm making her feel like that, maybe her telling me is her way of saying she wants us to not be friends anymore, and in that case doesn't want me to resolve anything.
That idea isn't really that outlandish when I think about it. My other friends are always commenting on how seemingly mean she is to me (as in if I talk about something personal, like what's going on at home, she just storms out of the room; or else she's just really kind of snide and insulting). I guess that could be put down to being in a bad mood and not having the energy to deal with anyone else's stuff, but idk, its gone on for so long and frankly, I've never been so evil to her, and I've been through a lot.
Urgh, I suppose that doesn't really help. Since she's said it, we talked once where I confessed I was hurt because of what she said (because she know what I get blamed for at home and her telling me sounded a little... contrived? It was like she really wanted the chance to say that to me). We talked about it and she said that she did realise what she said was harsh but there wasn't really anything else. So we've been avoiding each other since and now she just seems really angry at me and I don't know why. Eventually I just gave up and suggested space, but I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do.
I dunno, I'm just really triggered right now, but I've made it a rule not to SI because of my friends and so basically I just feel like s**t.
Sorry for just off-loading this, especially on my first thread.
Reading your post bought back so many memories for me, so I feel like I needed to reply to you, and just let you know.. firstly, you are not the only person who has ever felt like this x
And secondly, that sometimes it is really hard to understand why people lash out and react the way they do, especially when it feels like you haven't done anything to hurt them. = [
I Guess i have been in a pretty similar situation to you, no details here, but well, I know how hard I found it to deal with the way this person was acting towards me. I just firmly believe it is the ones we trust and even love the most we hurt the most. Obviously I don't know the details about this girl, but from my own experience, having problems, or issues, or whatever you choose to call them, makes you quite focused upon yourself, and even selfish at times.
The girl in my situation, could not handle anything but her own problems and even went as far as to stop people from talking to me. Two years later, we have now finally spoken properly, and become friends. She honestly told me she couldn't bare the idea that I knew so much about her, and actually understood her, when she hated anyone knowing.
Sometimes space, and leaving it for a while to cool down,. is actually the best thing for it. I hate the fact I cannot give you any decent advice, and I too made the 'i won't let them get to me' bargin with myself, and tried to promise I wouldn't self harm over it, but well, yeah, sometimes those kind of bargins with yourself can only worsen the angst. = /
I just wanted to say, PM me anytime, if you ever want to chat it through, or just rant for a bit, or just chat normally!
Don't be sorry about posting this thread, off-loading is a good thing hun!
That must have been a very hard thing to hear a friend say. *hugs* The truth is though that you are not responsible for her self harm. There may have been a time when you upset her, because we all do upset people from time to time. It is part of being human. That doesn't mean we are responsible for what they do afterwards.
It sounds like things are very difficult with this friendship at the moment. Sadly that happens sometimes. I think your suggestion of space is a very good one. It will give you both a bit of time to breathe and think about what you want. When you both feel ready maybe you can make a fresh start and see what happens.
Sian
xxx
'I can always kill myselftomorrow, today I shall look for reason to live. Of course, tomorrow never comes ... '
i get why this have made you so bad, i get really paranoid over this sort of thing happening.
Tbh i think it was completely out of order for her to say that to you and she does not seem like someone supportive that you need around you right now.
It sounds like a kinda attention thing to tell you that and there was no need for it. Maybe she feels like your getting more attention or something, especially if shes ignoring you and stuff if youre trying to talk about your problems.
I dont know, because i dont know the situation.
I do think you need to spend some time away from each other so that you can both sort out your feelings properly. I guess youre both feeling pretty angry and you both need to get over that before you can properly discuss whats gone on.
She was right to tell you i think, however she could have told you in a more considerate way
perhaps talk to her in a few days
sorry i cant help
xxx
If only you'd ever speak to me
the way you once did
look at me the way you once did
pull to me the way you once did
but you don't
you don't feel anymore
you don't care anymore
it's all gone
it's all gone
I think you've gotten some really good advice already, but I'm just going to add my two cents.
Really alot of people who I do truly enjoy being with have 'caused' me to self-harm. It's not because I don't like them; it's because what they were saying then was not precisely what I wanted to hear and this stressed me out. But just because I got upset at them and cut myself does not mean at all it was their fault. They couldn't read my mind and understand exactly what I wanted, and you couldn't read hers either. every person you know more than just casually is going to upset you a bit once in a while, and you'll do the same to them. It doesn't reflect on you at all, and it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you. it's the nature of man.
Also, people don't 'cause' you to self harm. You are in a bad place, you take what they've said (or done) in a bad way, and you chose to do it.
Whatever you decide to do about your friend, don't let what she said get to you! You're not a bad person. It's not your fault.
Much love and good luck!!
I just want to give you a POV from the other side, your friends POV. I have a (formerly) very good friend who really hurt me emotionally & hurt my self esteem, so in addition to everything else that was causing me to SH I often found that thinking about her & how she made me feel often triggered my SH...but I do not blame it on anyone but myself. I don't know the situation with your friend, but...you may have caused certain negative emotions, but she can never blame you for causing her to SH. don't feel responsible.
