Beyond repair.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Sending love.

[nonperson]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, Lillie. These life changes could be exciting and make a big difference for you but they are BIG changes so no wonder you're feeling super stressed right now. Is there anyone who could help you with the life change stuff, as in help to lighten the load a little? Could you break down everything into smaller chunks so although everything is still happening at once you can manage things easier?

[chinahorse]

I feel very much like everything is mine alone to sort out. My mum has tried to help. And my dad has too. But I feel like I should be able to cope alone.

Once I know if I have the house then I can start actually doing things. Half the problem is I can't really do anything productive right now.

My auntie left me a horrific message at 11.45 last night. Screaming and swearing at me and saying extremely nasty things to me. I feel so crushed.

[tamobhuuta]

That's awful of your auntie, has it happened before? I think you're great. I hope house stuff can get sorted out soon. You don't have to do this alone.

[one_step_closer]

I'm sorry your auntie has been horrible again. I hope you have at least deleted the message, and spoken to someone about it if you feel able to.

There is no should be able to cope alone, really. Everyone needs some support at times and you have a lot of stuff going on at the moment. If you can't do anything physical wise at the moment, would it help to write a list of the things you will need to do when things are sorted a bit more?

[chinahorse]

I still haven't got any clarification on the new house. I move in 13 days. Well I have to leave my house then.

My auntie is now denying leaving the messages. Which is stressing me out more than if she didnt. I spoke to several people about it but it's not helped.

I do need to write a list but it's overwhelming. To see written out everything I have to do.

I feel bad today. I think it's because I'm tired. I feel urgey.

[one_step_closer]

Is there someone you can phone to see if there is an update on the house? Your auntie is being really cruel and unfair, I'm sorry you're being treated this way. Do you need to have contact with her? Will you be able to rest or nap today or do something easy and soothing to help with the tiredness and feeling bad?

[chinahorse]

I'm trying to rest and nap today. It's not really helping though sadly.

I'm not replying to my auntie but that makes me feel even worse.

I phoned the estate agent yesterday and they need to process the guarantor forms.

[one_step_closer]

How are things today?

With replying to your auntie, is there a way you can say what you have to say but not have a conversation? Maybe like being honest about all the things you want to say to her and then trying to leave it at that instead of continuing to reply? I know that would probably just encourage another reply from her but maybe there is some way around it or it might help even just to get your honest feelings out.

[chinahorse]

My auntie will just hurl abuse at me if I say anything but thank you for trying to find a way around it.

Today I'm in a lot of pain and have taken a lot of painkillers which haven't touched it.

I'm thinking about going to the gp to get signed off. I can't handle the pain and the stress at the same time. Itd be for 4 days. But I must as always think of money. But what use is money if I do something harmful because of stress? I'm taking a fair amount of days off due to pain anyway. I don't know what's for the best.

[one_step_closer]

That is a hard decision to make. It would of course be worse if you ended up doing something really serious, so a break would seem like the best idea there. Is there someone you trust who you can talk it through with? Do you get on ok with your GP?

[chinahorse]

I've booked a gp appointment for Wednesday morning.

[chinahorse]

REALLY badly think self harming would be the answer. I'm back on meds. The man is telling me to self harm. The man is thus real. The threat is real.

[one_step_closer]

Well done for booking the appointment, please try to stay safe so you can make it there.

What do you think self harm will do for you? Whatever the man is you are obviously scared, and that's the main thing. I'm not sure he is real though, meds don't always take away distressing things like that.

[chinahorse]

I think life would be easier if I wasn't in it.

[one_step_closer]

Easier for who? Life can be so hard and I understand the feeling of wanting to escape from the pain. How are you today?

[chinahorse]

Easier for everybody.

Am not sure what to do about getting signed off sick. I need the money but what use is that if I'm dead or sectioned? But I feel like I'm not I'll enough to warrant being signed off.

I barely made it to work this morning. I was so anxious ad with a sense of doom that I couldn't get out the door. I was over half an hour late.

[one_step_closer]

I really hope that if you have been to your GP appointment you have been honest about how things are for you. You deserve to feel better.

[one_step_closer]

How did your appointment go Lillie? It's ok not to answer if you don't want to.

[BeddieC]

Hope your appointment went OK x
You mentionex that making a list is overwhelming, can you group things so it's a few little lists?