I don't really know

[Too Shy]

I can't do this.
I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this.

And I am so pathetic because I just keep writing and taking up space because I am so selfish and horrible and uncaring, but I just need to write and I just need to get it out of my head because I can't do this and I hate feeling so alone and useless and I just need to get drunk and self-harm and self-destruct.

[Too Shy]

I am sorry. I am sorry for being such a horrible person. I am really really sorry.

[makedamnsure]

Hey chickadee,
You don't have anything to apologise for, ok? You aren't a horrible person, not at all, I promise.

Take care.

[Too Shy]

Thank-you.

I am feeling a bit calmer now. I have had a couple of drinks but not much, and I have self-harmed but not much. I wish I could do it more.

I wish I had some pills because if I did I would take some right now, but I don't.

[xxhappydaysxx]

Although it may not seem like it, its a good thing you don't have pills. Can you talk to anyone about how you are feeling?

I hope today is a bit easier, look after yourself. x

[Too Shy]

Thank-you, it is much appreciated. I could probably do with talking to somebody, but I don't really know who I can talk to anymore, my family aren't great at talking to each other properly and my friends don't know I'm struggling.

I'm going to try really hard to have a good day today, I need to get out of this giving up phase.

So plan for today:

Go through some stuff to do/get before starting uni again in September
Watch some funny videos
Go out for a bit, the sun always helps me relax a bit
Training this evening, try and have a good session and let some stress out a bit
Cook dinner

And then something to relax afterwards because night times feel worse. Hopefully just watch TV and fall asleep.