Originally Posted by Elmer
Hey, sorry, things been mental here. Physical check was ok, got a text telling me my liver function is a bit out of range but I think all ok other than that. Eating is weird. My mum is visiting due to other circumstances and got worried I wasn't eating so I've had to prove I am and I can't purge or take laxatives and I'm fat and bloated and i hate it. People keep going on about how much weight I've lost but I'm still enormous. I can't wait to go back to restricting even though I felt like **** and couldn't sleep. I just want to be a healthy weight again. That can't be bad can it?
I know. This is a stupid way to go about it. But my brain is programmed to see food as some sort of challenge: all or nothing. I don't know when I'm hungry until I start passing out and I don't know when I'm full until I'm in pain.
Wanting to be a healthy weight isn't bad in itself. But getting there in unhealthy ways is. And surely what you want is to be a healthy weight and not have your life dictated by an eating disorder? And the way you get that is by doing it in a healthy way and with help and by taking small steps every day that are heading in the right direction, not in the wrong direction. I know it feels insurmountable but it isn't. Recovery is always
possible and I have never stopped believing in your ability to get better.