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Old 17-12-2011, 11:54 AM   #1
Merc
 
Join Date: May 2004
dont really belong here

but..yeah.
I suddenly wonder why im posting as im not distressed about the weight loss, not at all.
This is hard to admit, and i'll likely delete very soon, but i find myself using grief as an excuse to get back to my ED.
How handy.
How convenient.
How believabkle.
How utter ****, to use this time in that way...
Thats the bad bit. But i am.
i suddenly find myself almost excited again about it asll.
The memories of the pain and shame seem very dim.
No, not almost excited, no almost about it.
Sorry to post. No idea what im asking for.

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Old 18-12-2011, 08:24 AM   #2
washedoutdreamer
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Location: Pennsylvania [USA]
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Eds are a coping mechanism. An unhealthy coping mechanism, but a coping mechanism. It makes sense that grief would trigger you.
I don't know if that helps. To know it's not weird or anything.
You're going through something really difficult. I'm here if you need to talk.



Be Strong, Be Smart, Be Proud
Live Honorably and With Dignity
and Just Hold On....


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Old 18-12-2011, 09:08 AM   #3
Buttercup.
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Hey love, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this again. I'm glad you posted. If there is anything I can do to help my PM box is always open.

xoxoxo




I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away


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Old 18-12-2011, 10:15 AM   #4
effervescence
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Hey romp.

I can understand why you feel this way. There's no shame in it.

Thinking of you.



Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.

There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.


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Old 20-12-2011, 12:42 PM   #5
Merc
 
Join Date: May 2004

Thank you, so very much. I was really scared to post.
I've lost more (unnoticed), and it just brings it all back.
The ways to hide. It really is quite easy, at least at this point. Then it won't matter.
What a mess.
Anyways, thank you.
xxx

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Old 20-12-2011, 09:40 PM   #6
Buttercup.
loveeeeeee
 
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It does matter, love. Your health matters. Lots of love.

xoxoxo




I wanna stay inside all day
I want the world to go away


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Old 21-12-2011, 02:01 AM   #7
effervescence
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You do matter.



Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.

There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.


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Old 31-12-2011, 12:32 PM   #8
Merc
 
Join Date: May 2004

I hope it ok to post again.
Have lost more. Simply because of one thing and the nest will result in even more.

H is a bit worried (was stupid and told him i had lost, but i was amazed...still..keep mouth shut).

A small part of me is worried as I know that once I lose some more, I will be lost as well, lost in it all.
Engulfed
Then I wont care.

I know you all nkow that point, better thasn me. That point where it begins affecting your thinking. Whetre it becomes your whole life, again.
I remember that point.
I remember the shame of it all. The shameful bits that aren't spoken/posted about. Yet, I have the 'supplies' ready.

The excitment.
That is the worst.
And the best.

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Old 02-01-2012, 09:24 PM   #9
sometimesmaybe
 
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I can definitely relate.

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Old 05-01-2012, 11:35 AM   #10
Merc
 
Join Date: May 2004

Thank you, all.
Busy saying, "no need to worry.'
'Really? Hadn't noticed.'

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