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Old 28-02-2021, 02:46 PM   #1
Emmabob.
 
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Long time no see... *all food related triggers*

First off, if anyone knows me in person/on Facebook; This stays here. It is not to be brought up in conversation.

I have an extensive history of disordered eating. It initially came up when I was under camhs at 16-17 or there abouts but I was skipping meals from around 14. I am 27 now, just for context.

Back in 2013, I got with my long term boyfriend, lost a significant amount of weight within x amount of months & gained myself an atypical anorexia diagnosis. From there I started bingeing & purging. My gag reflex gave up on me & then fell into bingeing followed by days of heavy restriction.

Fast forward a few years, I cannot get a handle on the bingeing & it is a fairly common occurrence that I’ll vomit from the sheer amount I’ve eaten.

I feel like ****. I am so ridiculously sluggish all the time. I need to lose weight as we’re trying to conceive & I have a few medical conditions which already have the potential to make it difficult. I am legitimately x-lbs overweight which brings me to my latest woe...

My stupid brain is niggling at me. “You lose x in x months previously. Do it again. It’s not impossible” yet at the same time, I can’t stop myself from volleying food down my throat.

Is it worth even speaking to my gp? On one hand, I feel like I’m slowly losing whatever grip I had on it... on the other hand, I’ve got so much excess weight & the whole covid situation... it almost feels like I’m just being stupid...


Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 09-03-2021 at 06:59 PM. Reason: please see your PMs
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Old 28-02-2021, 07:02 PM   #2
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I just wanted to say I do remember you and I am very much struggling similarly. I think it is worth speaking to your GP about it. <3



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Old 28-02-2021, 11:54 PM   #3
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Hi there, I also remember you being around.

I would raise it with your gp, there can be no harm in doing so.
If you have had previous issues with EDs before, I would hope that they can help direct you down a sensible route and hopefully avoiding a downward spiral.

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Old 01-03-2021, 10:15 AM   #4
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Do gps actually read online consultations? I’m considering doing one just so I don’t end up getting flustered on the phone & forgetting half of it. I don’t have to deal with the guard dog which is the receptionist either, there’s one specific one who will not accept “it’s personal” as a reason for an appt. This post feels like an essay & it only just covers half of it.

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Old 01-03-2021, 03:13 PM   #5
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I imagine they at least have access to them. Might be an idea to physically write down what you want to say at least in bullet points, then you have it there in front of you too. Best to go and try than not at all.

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Old 02-03-2021, 11:21 AM   #6
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I've got a telephone appointment this afternoon with my gp. to say i'm crapping myself is an understatement.

hmm.

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Old 02-03-2021, 12:21 PM   #7
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Good luck this afternoon, I hope the GP is helpful :)



We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult


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Old 02-03-2021, 04:02 PM   #8
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I genuinely think time has stood still

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Old 02-03-2021, 04:35 PM   #9
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I hope it eventually starts moving again and you can talk to your GP. Thinking of you.



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Old 02-03-2021, 05:55 PM   #10
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So. Apparently the ED services will only entertain you if you've got a ridiculously low BMI, even if it's just for an assessment & proper diagnosis.. I am not a billion miles off 3x what they require which is laughable.

I have got bloods, weight check, etc in 10 days time. My brain is now at competition with itself to lose as much as possible in that time to make me look slightly less fraudish.

Why do brains find the need to do this to you??

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Old 02-03-2021, 06:24 PM   #11
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I'm so sorry. ED services in this country are an actual joke.

I get where your brain is taking you right now, and I doubt I can persuade you otherwise, but there's a bit of you that doesn't want to go down that path, can you hold onto that?

There are voluntary services like beat who run support groups online, might be worth a look? It's eating disorder awareness week and they're doing a lot about binge eating disorder.

Your weight doesn't determine how ill you are.



'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'

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Old 02-03-2021, 06:30 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer View Post
I'm so sorry. ED services in this country are an actual joke.

I get where your brain is taking you right now, and I doubt I can persuade you otherwise, but there's a bit of you that doesn't want to go down that path, can you hold onto that?

There are voluntary services like beat who run support groups online, might be worth a look? It's eating disorder awareness week and they're doing a lot about binge eating disorder.

Your weight doesn't determine how ill you are.
My gp sent me a self referral thing for something not entirely sure what I've signed myself up to. Heh. She also sent the details across for beat which apparently do quite a lot of online support? I need to adult, tidy up & then I'll go have a look.

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Old 02-03-2021, 08:36 PM   #13
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Beat do a lot of online support groups - I've been on a couple and they seem like really supportive places.



'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'

"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."


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Old 03-03-2021, 03:39 PM   #14
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The boyfriend asked if Iím purging again.

I laughed at him. Now heís 100% certain I am.
I am not.. or at least thereís no vomiting/laxative usage.
I am legitimately too lazy to overexercise. I grumbled about walking to the shop this morning to buy more coffee levels of lazy. Itís about a 20 minute walk, all round.

Why do I do this to myself

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Old 03-03-2021, 04:55 PM   #15
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I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. Do you feel able to talk to your other half about how you're feeling?

x







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Old 04-03-2021, 10:22 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EyelinerAndCigarettes View Post
I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. Do you feel able to talk to your other half about how you're feeling?

x
Heís an arse. Itís fine.

I need to step away from the internet for a bit.
Facebook = food.
Instagram = food.
TikTok = food.

Iím making a mountain out of a molehill.

Itís fine, Iím fine.

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Old 07-03-2021, 07:26 PM   #17
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I don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You deserve support. How are you feeling now?







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Old 08-03-2021, 02:08 PM   #18
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Eh. Iím still kicking. So very drained but thatís to be expected. Thatís basically all I can say without violating any rules.

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Old 08-03-2021, 07:09 PM   #19
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I understand. <3

We are here for you.







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Old 16-03-2021, 04:22 PM   #20
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I thought I'd got out of getting weighed, turns out I'm getting summoned tomorrow morning to be weighed before gp calls me tomorrow afternoon. I have that much anxiety over a bastard cup of coffee that my chest feels like its on fire. What even is life I'm gonna weigh heavier than I do at home which is gonna make me look all the more of a fraud, because getting stark bollock nude is frowned upon.


sgdkgdn.

bleh.

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