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Old 10-02-2020, 08:41 AM   #1
Dr Mario taught me that Self Medication is the Key
SaintGrimm's Avatar
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Contains abuse - How to deal with family problems? possible triggers.

My brother and I are 8 years apart. Ever since he was born I've gotten the cold shoulder and it'd be a lie if I didn't say I was jealous. Maybe we could have even been friends at some point, but the way my mom and grandparents treated him like a gift from god and me like I meant nothing has pushed me too far into hating him for that to ever be possible...

Sometimes I day dream of murdering him. NOT because mom likes him more.. But because of how he treats me and I just don't know what to do...

He's currently 19. About 3 times/year we get a maggot infestation because he REFUSES to clean his room. Mommy still cleans it for him once it gets so bad that she can't stand smelling it upstairs anymore.... Oh yeah, I also got kicked out of my basement room and forced into his room that has my furniture literally wall to wall because he wanted my room... I couldn't even bring my bed because it wouldn't have fit at all, so he got it. At first, I was asked if he could have it by mom, as if I had a choice... When I told her no, that's MY room, she said 'well I think you and him are going to switch'.

Since he's moved into the basement, like I said, we get tons of maggots, we run out of dishes and have to eat shit with our hands/out of pots & pans/etc because every plate/fork/spoon we have ends up in his bedroom covered in rotting, moldy food and maggots. Buying more doesn't solve it either, because the new stuff just ends up down there too. The house would ABSOLUTELY be condemned if someone saw his bed room.

There's way too much shit to go over in one post, so I'll just list a few things that's happened over the years...

Firstly, I've been dealing with this kind of stuff for pretty much 19 years... I'm 27, but I don't have a good enough job to live on my own, so I can't just leave...

When my brother was 4 (and I was 12) he hit me in the face with a wooden bat, broke my sunglasses and HURT! I took the bat away from him and got in trouble for doing so, even though she sat right there and watched him hit me with it...

When my ex-wife and I were staying here for awhile, we were watching TV and he just came in, sat on the couch and changed it. When I told him to turn it back, he went into a RAGE and started yelling and screaming as if I had just said the most offensive thing imaginable to him... Mom said nothing... He picked up one of my size 13, very heavy, very large doc martin combat boots and threw it at me, missed and hit my ex in the middle of her back so hard that the red mark actually had the tread from the boot on it. She had said nothing the entire time, simply let out a sigh when he changed the channel (guess she was smart enough to know there's nothing that could be done about it). Naturally, I picked the boot up and threw it back, but he was running away and it barely touched him, didn't leave a mark at all.... FINALLY mom decides to speak up and tells me if I'm still there when she gets home from work, she was calling the cops.

Right after I was first forced to switch rooms, I still had some stuff in the basement, simply because this room is too small... Vintage glass bottle collection, band posters, nothing 'important' but stuff that belonged to me that I was FORCED to leave behind. Him and mom got into an argument one night, he went downstairs, ripped up MY posters, broke MY bottles, put giant holes in the walls, and she did nothing about it... And when I threatened to kick his ass if he kept breaking my stuff, her exact words were "and you won't be living here."

Speaking of arguments between them, another time they were arguing (mom and brother) and he HIT HER! He punched my mother!!! I drug him outside and punched him as hard as I could in the thigh... Grandpa later asked why he had a black, brown, purple and green bruise all the way from his knee to his hip (because he went crying to grandpa that time). And when mom found out about it later, even though she had been punched in the stomach by this same person who I hit, she said if she'd known about it then she would have had me arrested.

Another time, mom was complaining about how the dishes in his room and how she shouldn't have to be cleaning a 17 year olds room. He mouthed off, can't even remember what he said but I said 'she's talking to me, you aren't going to clean it so it doesn't matter'. He shoved me as hard as he could, which is laughable (at 19 he's 5'10 and probably 130lbs, I've been 6'3 and over 200lbs since I was only 15) and so I just barely pushed him back (and only used one hand at that) and it sent him flying to the ground... Mom started screaming at me like a crazy person (yes, she saw him try to shove me first). That night ended with me breaking down, telling her I've wanted to kill myself since I was 13 and all she had to say was 'if your life is so miserable, why don't you just do it then?' Which caused me to slam my bedroom door which apparently pissed her off even more because she ripped the entire door (as well as the wood it hinges too and latches to) out of the wall to get into my room and scream at me more. Which included screaming at me for breaking the door... Even though it was just fine before she tore it down.

When my brother had a job, I was forced to pick him up. One day, I got there, texted him 5 minutes before I got there, sat there another 20 minutes waiting then went inside to see what was taking so long, his manager told me he left a long time ago... So I downright refused to pick him up any more. This led to my grandfather and mother talking about how lazy and worthless I was... My grandma was dead at this point, that means it took place AFTER I put my entire life on hold to help my grandpa take care of my grandma, she had alzheimers disease and required 24/7 care for 3 entire years. 3 entire years I had no friends, I couldn't work, I couldn't leave the house at all, because I was an on-call nurse for grandma 24/7, and after she died, I'd been taking care of grandpa who had parkinsons disease. So at the time he was saying how lazy I was, I was already bending over backwards to take care of him. This was the first and ONLY time I've ever cursed at my grandfather, and that one time 'fuck' was every other word out of my mouth and I was so angry I literally couldn't see straight and was stumbling around like a drunk.

And that brings me to tonight... Like I said, those are NOT the only incidents that've happened, it's been almost constantly since he was old enough to be mean to someone.

Earlier today, mom told me he was doing laundry. I pointed out that 1. He'd only wash his own clothes and 2. He wouldn't dry them and they'd stink. She looked me in the face and said 'he's doing it and he's going to do it right' as if to ban me from doing my own clothes. So 11pm rolls around, I'm preparing to go take a shower and go to bed... All of my clothes are still in the hamper, untouched. All of his clothes are still in the washer, undried. So I just roll my eyes and take my clothes downstairs to wash them and prepare for the 2 hour wait before I can shower. I told him to take his clothes out of the washer and he got pissed off, slamming the washer-room door, kicking his own stuff around, etc. He said 'I shouldn't have to be doing this!' (about putting his own clothes in the drier) and at this point I'm already really annoyed so I said 'I can't believe she(mom) trusted you to wash clothes...' He screams 'fine do it yourself!' and throws his clothes back down into the washer and attempts to shove me on his way out of the room, from pure instinct I put my arm up in defense, his hands collided with my arm and he went flying backwards while I stood in place, didn't even touch him, was his own pushing on me that knocked him back. So then he proceeded to attempt to hit me in the face with the door, I again just put my arm up, the door bounced off my arm and by the time it swung open he was already running upstairs and crying to mommy that I 'pushed him down'. So then I got to listen to her screaming while I put my clothes in the washer. And then he proclaimed that he's going to kill my tonight, and I asked if she was going to do something about that and she rolled her eyes at me and walked away.

What gets me the very most is that my grandparents did the same thing to her as a kid. She got blamed/grounded/punished/etc for things her brother did. And every time his name is mentioned, she has to bring up allllll the stuff he ever did to her and how she got in trouble for it and etc, just ranting about it; and if I so much as mutter under my breath that she does the exact same thing to us, she denies it left and right, if I point out an incident and explain how it's very similar, or even the exact same thing her brother did to her, she continues to deny that it's anything alike.

Furthermore, I take out the trash, I do all the grocery shopping every week, I babysit her dog while she's at work and I also do my best to carry my own... My brother does NOTHING and the longest he's held a job is 2 weeks, pretty sure he mouths off and gets fired, but tells mom that he quit because the manager was mean or something along those lines. He's rude to his friends, and in general he just has a specific type of attitude and carries himself a certain way that just fills me with hate.... Have you ever seen on TV one of the interviews with one of those college football players that got away with rape? The way he talks and carries himself is just like those disgusting people, as if he's immune to the law/rules and can do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

I am relentlessly bullied by this little brat, and even defending myself simply is not allowed... And I can say with full honesty that if it wasn't for my mother and knowing how bad it'd hurt her for him to die, he would have disappeared a very long time ago. There's only 2 people in the entire world I wish pain upon, one of them is a different story, the other is my brother. Any time I see him trip or stumble my heart flutters with excitement hoping he's going to feel pain.

I can't take it any more. I'm tired of being treated like this. I'm tired of being bullied by someone who can't even buy alcohol yet. I'm tired of catching all of the blame, yet being forced to listen to mom complain about his room and it just adds to my anger. Having to hear her constantly complain gets on my nerves and makes me mad, but if I say I don't want to hear her complaining, she gets pissy and acts like I've done something horrible.

Once, my grandfather just told me to ignore it... I told him I couldn't deal with it anymore and one of these days I was going to snap. He said 'you need to act right and just ignore it'. I asked if he was telling me to just sit there and take it while not telling my brother to stop doing it, and he flat out said 'yes' in a tone that seemed he thought I was dumb for having to even ask.

I know if something doesn't change, some day I really will snap... I almost did tonight; after the door hit my arm, my hand was in a fist and if he hadn't already been running away, I truly believe that I would have beat him until he stopped moving...

Can someone give me serious advice? PLEASE?

Last edited by SaintGrimm : 10-02-2020 at 09:01 AM.

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Old 10-02-2020, 10:43 PM   #2
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That sounds a horrible situation. It’s so difficult as your mum just doesn’t listen, so it sounds like talking to her about it wouldn’t solve anything. Is there any way you could afford to rent a room in a shared house? Other than that all I can really think is that you need someone, professional or a friend, who you can vent to on a regular basis to just try and cope until you get to a point where you are able to move out.

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Old 11-02-2020, 05:22 AM   #3
Dr Mario taught me that Self Medication is the Key
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Not really. Child support drains 143/week from my paycheck + 200 more per month. Depending on my hours I might have 100 bucks left per month, or I might not even have enough to buy a bottle of soda. So I have to rely on her just to eat and have a roof over my head.

After taking care of grandma I never really recovered my social life. I have 1 online friend who I can vent to, but she can be hard to get ahold of as she's pretty busy and has her own problems, and my RL friend and I don't really talk. We hangout for a few hours once per week, watch movies/tv and just kinda sit there in silence or at the very most, small talk.

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Old 13-02-2020, 07:05 PM   #4
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It sounds like awful situation to be in.

My sister and I fought a lot when we were kids, she was the younger one and was more violent but my mother ignored it. It is better now we are both adults.

It is difficult in your situation because you are an adult and in many ways 19 year olds are not quite adults, obviously depending on the person.

As hard as it might be I can only suggest trying not to rise to his behaviours it seems that each time you do he becomes the victim and you the bad guy. If his behaviour is really pushing your buttons step out of the house get some breathing space.

In my dreams I slew the dragon

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