Feeling safe vs staying safe

[tamobhuuta]

I've had some lorazepam, I was getting too anxious.

[one_step_closer]

I hope everything is going/has gone ok.

[tamobhuuta]

It was ok, I was less anxious. But the voices were awful, I had to whisper to them to leave, that I would talk later.
My CPN said well done for taking the lorazepam, to have something to eat and go to bed.
He hopes to get an appointment with the psychiatrist asap, but that's anywhere between tomorrow and next millenium realistically.

[tamobhuuta]

I've got an appointment with the psychiatrist - tomorrow! Now I need to work out what to say to him.

The past week I've been having thoughts of tying a ligature. I didn't tell my CPN because I don't think I will act on the thoughts. But do you think I need to mention it to the psych?

[Auror.]

I think it is worth saying. You can even just say it exactly as you wrote. I'm glad they were able to get you an appointment so quickly!

[tamobhuuta]

I'm very lucky.

I've now written down everything that's going on. It's a whole page of A4 !

I'm really keen for them to know I'm in control of the SI thoughts. I don't think they would suggest hospital like last time (which is good) but at the same time I could do with extra support.

[tamobhuuta]

It's now 2 pages! I am such a loser.

[one_step_closer]

That doesn't make you a loser at all, it's important that you get everything across that you want to say. I think professionals often are grateful for you taking the time to sort out your thoughts and write them down for them. I hope it goes alright.

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks. I'm really nervous. I'm worried I won't be able to answer their questions. I might take a pad so I can write my answers, is that acceptable? I'm also not sure if my CPN will be there. I don't mind either way but it's nice to know, you know?

[Auror.]

I think it's okay to write down answers if talking is hard. My therapist and case manager let me do that all the time. It's much more important that they get the relevant information to be able to help you than to nitpick over how it is communicated. That is what my therapist has told me.

[one_step_closer]

I hope you get on ok today. I'm sure it's alright to use whatever safe communication method works for you. Take care.

[tamobhuuta]

Thanks both. 3 hours to go, really nervous.

[tamobhuuta]

I saw the psych, my CPN was there too, which was helpful. They're going to increase my clozapine. I wanted to tell them I have been getting less safe recently but I don't think the psych read the whole note. He was in a bit of a rush. So I've texted my CPN to tell him I'm not feeling all that safe.

[tamobhuuta]

How can I stay safe today? I want to stop my brain.

[nonperson]

Have you got people you can be around this evening?

[tamobhuuta]

Yeah, I've got family. But my plan is for when they're in bed.

[nonperson]

Do you think they would help you to stay safe for the rest of the day?

[tamobhuuta]

If I told them they would do anything to keep me safe but I don't want them to know.

Just FYI I'm not depressed or emotional, it's just the scarey beliefs have been worse the last couple of weeks.

I would so love to get pisssed.

[nonperson]

You don't necessarily have to tell them anything. Just being around them might distract you or make you feel safer?

That's good to know and it sounds like you've been doing all the right things by contacting your cpn and psych appointment today, just keep challenging the thoughts and reaching out when you need to.

Ah believe me getting pissed is never the answer even if it seems like it!

[tamobhuuta]

This morning the Man told me I was Special, not in a good way.