Alone

[Phoenix736]

I have been dealing with trust issues for a long time. Some parts of my life I don't understand. I'm in pain a lot and I don't know why I am in pain it's mainly in my chest and feels like a very Intentese pain. I feel like family and what close friends I have that I am not able to trust. I don't sleep regularly due to this. I did go to church a lot but have felt really let down by that and have been angry with God, not wanting to be, but it's just that I feel he hasn't answered prayers.. Ones that were good and giving prayers. I have also dealt with employer or supervisors not being able to trust as well. I have had so many times the places I have worked at the leadership ends up causing me to Have trust issues and would go to another and another place looking for a place I could in search of peace(trust). It's made it difficult to provide for myself and be independent and feel like I can have a life. I one of the main reasons is that I feel like rules apply to me only and not others. I don't understand this... I have always been helpful, kind, and compassionate to people. I pulled through some rough times here recently were I came very close to removing myself. I just kept telling myself one day at a time. So I have made it to today. If anyone has advice would be great.

[Straight 3]

I could've written this myself and can really relate.

My trust in humanity overall at this point is is pretty slim given everything I've seen, and how many countless times My trust has been broken by people (friends) that swore they had my best interest in mind. Now, I assume that people must have a ulterior motive when trying to get close to me - even members of the church. I feel friendship has (for me) been 'one-sided' and I'm not allowed to have rough times myself, but I'm always supposed to be the supportive friend when they are going through rough times. I don't know what the answer is here, but I've just accepted that this is my role in life.

You are very strong to have pulled though these times and still be here to tell us about it. You're right, it is one day at a time, and try to remain optimistic about the future. I think it will take us some time to learn to trust again, but staying closed off and hiding our true selves from people just leaves us isolated.

You are not alone - I care.