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Old 05-02-2018, 01:21 PM   #141
Pomegranate
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That’s great news Aubergine . Are you more confident about going into work on Thursday now?





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Old 05-02-2018, 01:47 PM   #142
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Thank you, Emma. Yeah, I feel better about going in on Thursday now. :) It's my last Thursday too! Well, kind of. I start new hours on the 12th, then revert to old hours the next week for just that week, because it's not fair to leave the new dispenser on her own in her second week! Not sure how we'll fair with just me and the trainee for two days, but we'll just plod on and do what we can do. :)



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

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Old 06-02-2018, 05:13 PM   #143
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I've got an appointment with my CC at 9:30am tomorrow. I'm really worried about it. She'll know all about my erratic behaviour over the weekend, as I called the crisis team a few times at ridiculous times of day and was just generally a bit mental. Just when things were starting to feel like they were leveling off a tiny bit, I go and be a headcase again over a mistake that turns out wasn't the end of the world.



I am still getting "stuck" sometimes, my words are still floating off sometimes and my motivation sucks, but the anxiety has calmed down and last night I slept reasonably well without any medication. Things are back on the up after the mess of the weekend, but I'm still not myself. I'll be OK though, right? This is the beginning of the end of the aripiprazole initiation nightmarE?



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


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Old 06-02-2018, 06:48 PM   #144
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Things have kept changing for you and I'm sure you're on the right sort of journey. You're making progress and it's ok to not be on top of everything all at the one time. I often 'over react' to mistakes I make too, I think many people do especially when they are going through so much at the time. Good luck with your CC, I hope it goes well and she is able to offer you some reassurance.





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Old 06-02-2018, 11:55 PM   #145
Aubergine
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Thanks Lindsay.


I see my CC every two to four weeks when things are good. I can go for a good few months without calling her or anyone else between appointments. I feel so bad for taking up time and for being a complete fruit loop. She's absolutely lovely, but I wasn't expecting it to be this up and down, so I'm pretty sure she wasn't either.


I've just started a degree and it's taken me just under a month to study what I should have studied in a week. I just cannot focus. I haven't watch TV for ages because I just can't follow what's going on. I think that, added to not sleeping, is why I made the mistake on Friday. I'm worried.


I also keep getting stuck. I can't explain it. I just sit in one position on my bed and it feels impossible to move. Even going to the loo is difficult because I cannot bring myself to move. But how to explain that to CC without her thinking I'm being lazy or something? This hasn't happened for such a long time. I find it difficult to move even when my body hurts because I've been in one position for such a long time. I don't know what to do about it. Has anyone else experienced similar?



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Old 07-02-2018, 02:06 PM   #146
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Do you have to study at a certain speed or can you set your own workload?


I think I can understand the stuck thing to some extent. It's like I get stuck inside my own head? Or if there's something I need to get up and do, like making dinner or the washing up, it's like apprehension of it makes me freeze even though it should be a simple, easy to accomplish task. And it can feel like laziness but it's really not the same thing and seems impossible to explain.

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Old 07-02-2018, 03:50 PM   #147
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You're allowed to take up professional time, that's what they are there for and it sound like you're definitely not someone who just phones them all the time for no reason. You have needed more support over this past while and that's alright. How did it go with your CC today?

Is your sleep getting any better? Making mistakes because of being tired and lacking in focus is something that would happen to a lot of people. You're still making progress with things like your studying even though it's taking you longer than suggested but we are all different and right now you need to tailor things to how you are feeling and what you can focus on. I'm sure you have been through periods of struggling to concentrate before and they have passed, this shouldn't be something that goes on forever.

I sometimes get a heavy feeling in my head or like it's full of something when I'm not doing to well and I can't bring myself to get the thoughts of what it will take to do something to turn into actions, don't know if that's anything like what you're experiencing. Sometimes things just take a while, but you are doing the important things. Hope your day is going ok.





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Old 07-02-2018, 07:02 PM   #148
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I think I get a bit "stuck" like you say. It is like my brain and body become detached and I lose the ability to make me move. I can be sat shivering but next to a blanket and be completely unable to get the blanket. When things have been bad I've had to call someone to come and get me out of it because otherwise I'd be unable to eat, drink, use the toilet, although that does depending on not having to move to get my phone!!

I try to do things like moving my hand or arm to restart the connection between my body and mind.

How did you get on with your CC? I wouldn't feel bad for using resources that are by definition there to be used when having a rough time!

Thinking of you x



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Old 08-02-2018, 02:31 PM   #149
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Re feeling stuck, it might help to look up ways to combat executive dysfunction?





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On this rollercoaster.



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Old 08-02-2018, 04:50 PM   #150
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I think you're doing really well! I know it's hard with the med change at the moment but you will pull through this. I hope it goes okay with your CC. It's totally fine to need extra support at the moment.

I sometimes get issues with being stuck, usually when I'm anxious or really low. I feel mentally paralysed, and internally agitated. I can't relax and deciding what to do, even if it's what to watch on TV, makes me feel terrified so I just sit in the same spot in silence for a long time. Sometimes a few hours. Other times I can't decide what to eat and I just stand up halfway to the kitchen and not move. Usually distracting myself with my phone helps a bit, browsing instagram or playing a game can unstick me after a while and I'm able to make decisions again.



Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…

you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.


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