dumb things people say to people with eating disorders

mickymouse · 07-11-2011, 02:19 AM

hey just thought i'd share some of the things people have said to me over the years and feel free to add any more. for anyone reading that is trying to support someone with and eating disorder these are NOT the things to day.

1. why are you doing this to yourself?
(do u REALLY want to know? its because i think im fat and i want to have some control in my life...)
2. If you think YOU'RE fat you must think im obese!!!
(No... anorexic people usaully just have a distorted view of their own body not of OTHERS. and even if i think ur obese.. do u really care what i think?)
3. Why dont you just EAT?
(ummm if its that bad that im not eating i probably lost control already..)
4. you're too skinny
(wow.. thanks?)
5. 'you put on weight
(if you would say that to a regular person they would smack you so jsut because im recovering and i was unhealthy beofer its okay to tell me im getting fat?)
6. its just food.. it wont kill you
(no comment!)
7. you dont LOOK like you have an eating disorder
(ok either this perosn was drunk, sleep talking or just plain old STUPID)
8. you really did this to yourself so you cant complain
(way to make me feel good about myself!)
9. "you want a ____(fill in blank with some fattening food)"
(its not offensive if its someone who doesnt know about my e.d. but if its someone who does... what u think x will cure me from my eating disorder. do u THINK i want that food?"
10. "if you keep doing this you willl eventaully die"
(thanks friend... great thing to tell a 15 year old!)
11. "you too smart to have such a stupid problem"
(oh so now being ill is STUPID?)
12. "didnt you learn about all the dangers of eating disorders?
(yes i did.... thanks for reminding me of them...!)
13. "please eat more.. do it for ME"
(im not doing it AGAINST ur wishes so dont make it sound like if i dont eat im going against what u want!)
14. for someone who didnt know about my e.d. said to me when i didnt want to eat something during lunch time"oh god i hope u arent one of those anorexic freaks"
(and what if i AM?)
15. "why dont you just STOP
(this was after i was crying abt how out of control i was and how i wished i could eat and be happy again... umm if i oculd stop i think i WOULDVE!)
16. "what were u thinking?"
(uhh chances are i probably WASNT!)

lol thats all i can think of now but im sure people have said more dumb things to me and to everyone else out there suffering from an E.D

STAY HEALTHY AND "JUST EAT" haha jk:)

_plastic · 07-11-2011, 07:33 AM

Quote:

2. If you think YOU'RE fat you must think im obese!!!
(No... anorexic people usaully just have a distorted view of their own body not of OTHERS. and even if i think ur obese.. do u really care what i think?)

8. you really did this to yourself so you cant complain
(way to make me feel good about myself!

Thank you for posting bless you,
I know how it feels like, i look at ppl around me and even tho they weigh alot more than i do it feels like I'm fatter, i thought i was alone on this >.<

take care of urself.

xjessx · 07-11-2011, 09:01 AM

I had a friend of my mums at work ask me for advice to send to a close friend whose daughter they believed was anorexic, i didnt hear much back until tonight strangely but aparently mums work colleague was at their place when a friend of the families walked in an as a joke told the girl she looked fat (she was apparently looking very unwell and had lost weight which was aparently why it was a joke) that sorta stupidity astounds me.

I once got told when in hospital that i didnt look anorexic by a patient watch person (i was under mental health act so had someone watching me all the time) she was nice so i tried to get over the fact i already felt too fat to go to the ed unit i was going to the next day

too many to recount lol

HopeRises · 08-11-2011, 02:36 PM

Quote:

10. "if you keep doing this you willl eventaully die"
(thanks friend... great thing to tell a 15 year old!)

Although you say this is a 'dumb thing' to say to someone with an ED, this is a true fact, ED's DO kill and, although it hurts like hell to hear there 'this will kill you if you keep on doing this' it's important to hear the truth..sometimes a hard hit home truth is enough to make the switch flick and hopefully with support lead them on the way to recovery.

My best friend of all time almost died of an ED, Her being told, firstly at 16 years old that she had lost her periods for so long now that she would most likely be infertile with her periods never returning and being told she could die was enough to spur her on to get help.

She is now a Happy and healthy, 24 year old, with regular periods, a degree, a masters and a life.

So, it's all well and good thinking these things people say to you are dumb, I mean they are filled with ignorance, but they aren't 'dumb', They aren't saying these things to cause damage to hurt you, they are saying this things because they are concerned. I just want you to bare that in mind!

[LittleMonster] · 17-11-2011, 02:05 AM

^ Agree and I love how your friend turned her life around. It's amazing

andplastichearts · 18-11-2011, 06:13 AM

lol my friend says a lot of stuff to me..
i think the worst thing she said was after hugging me. she said "i can feel your bones. i'll let you know when i don't feel your bones anymore"

or another friend said "well you're not that bad off.. you're not like a twig"

or i hateeee when people say "you should eat this, it's not like it's gonna do anything to you anyways because you're so skinny." (these are people who know about my ED) Yes, i would LOVE to have whatever it is, but an ed is so much more than just eating... if i could just eat it, i wouldn't be having a problem now would i?

Buttons. · 18-11-2011, 08:57 AM

When you're ill things like 'you're not that skinny' and so on can really **** with your head. 'Just eat' is another cracker.

It's worse when you're post-anorexic but still have the thoughts though. Especially because people forget pretty damn quickly that you might still be incredibly insecure about your weight and also can become incredibly flippant about the former anorexia, one friend came out with this belter 'well you were a pretty **** anorexic anyway'. Ouch. Makes me almost feel like I need to 'do it again and do it right' which I know is daft but there you go.

jenjens79 · 18-11-2011, 10:55 AM

It's kind of impossible to say ANYTHING to someone with an eating disorder, as we will always take it in a bad way. I agree with HopeRises - we need to be told some of the less sensitive stuff in order to get better. One of the most helpful (and most insensitive!) things I was ever told while in the worst stages was by the cardiologist who came to me after my heart had gone weird in hospital, and said 'Jenny, it's got to go up from here or it's going to go six feet down'. He was referring to weight but also my progress, and I've hung onto that phrase and it's helped. No, it wasn't sensitive but it certainly wasn't dumb!

I am a cat · 18-11-2011, 11:13 AM

Asking how you lose water weight

sapphire hearts · 18-11-2011, 01:57 PM

I always find people telling me "you're too thin" the biggest motivator to keep doing what I'm doing. It tells me that whatever I'm doing is working, which is screwed up, but true.

Droplet · 19-11-2011, 02:18 AM

I agree with Leigh that sometimes the hardest things to hear need to be heard.

There are a lot of things that yes, are probably inappropriate to say to someone with an eating disorder, or could not be good for them..

But I also think that putting yourself in the position of someone who has little experience of EDs it is hard to know what to say and very easy to say the wrong thing. Just something to remember.

jenjens79 · 20-11-2011, 03:00 PM

Yeah, it's very hard. I remember once while inpatient at an ED unit where we HAD to eat everything on the plate, I was in tears over tackling a slice of cheesecake and the poor clueless support worker at our table tried to support me by saying "it is big, even I couldn't manage that!" well, as I HAD to manage it that comment didnt help!

GambitC13 · 21-11-2011, 09:30 PM

Thanks for posting these, my best friend has an ED. I think I'm pretty good at not saying things like this (as I know they don't help her) but it's good to be reminded. I will be haunted to this day about visiting her in hospital when she was at her worst, and her asking me if she was the fattest one in the unit. It was very upsetting and still is.

MissAnonymous · 21-11-2011, 09:49 PM

'Well you don't look like you have an ED, are you sure?'

Probably one of the most painful things to be told/asked.

Similarly, being told you 'don't look anorexic',, as if that's the only eating disorder out there.

jenjens79 · 22-11-2011, 12:19 AM

Oh gosh, Gambitc13, that sounds like a really sad experience. I hope your friend is ok now. I banned my friends from visiting me while I was inpatient on ED unit as they are scary places, and there's a very warped sense of 'normality'. Sending hugs, you sound like an amazing friend xxx

GambitC13 · 22-11-2011, 01:16 AM

Wow thank you Jenjens79 for your lovely comment, my friend is relapsing right now which is probably why I mentioned it. But she's asking for help now so that's positive. And how are you Hun? I hope you are well. I know what you mean about the units, it seemed almost like a little bubble world, which can have it's positives and negatives. Take care. Hugs. xx

mickymouse · 22-11-2011, 04:34 AM

the other day left school early and my frined (who knows about the ED) asked my why and i told her i was getting really dizzy and nausious because i had eaten alot more than i usaully do and i was really dizzy i could barely stand. she told me that "i should suck it up and stop being a baby its all pschological"... ouch? lol i mean in some ways it is a psycological disease but not all the way.... i was really hurt.

sharonbaker · 22-11-2011, 05:22 AM

Totally agree with you.. Great post...

Batteries Not Included · 22-11-2011, 06:59 AM

1. Eating can't kill you
(Obesity anyone...?)

2. I'd kill to be as skinny as you!
(No, just no. I don't look nor feel skinny so no.)

3. Just try
(Oh you don't think I'm trying?)

Then what actually really bugs me is someone trying to tell me I'm anorexic. I mean, sure enough I don't really eat and I count calories and exercise but hey, what 14 year old doesn't?

lonely_hope · 22-11-2011, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire hearts

I always find people telling me "you're too thin" the biggest motivator to keep doing what I'm doing. It tells me that whatever I'm doing is working, which is screwed up, but true.

^^Definitely. It's almost like encouragement to keep going, and keep losing weight. Or for me sometimes, makes me think about how fat I perceive myself to be, and sort of emphasize those thoughts.

"You need to eat more," gets at me sometimes. It's said with good intentions... but doing that really isn't easy >.<

Then the things about me thinking other people are fat/eat too much if that's what I think about myself. It didn't even cross my mind that I could have those thoughts until after someone mentioned it. I don't though... that's just the way I see myself. I almost couldn't care less what other people eat, as long as their happy with themselves.

I know there's other jokes and things people say about ED's all the time, though not necessarily directed at me. Just a bit unnerving/frusterating how people can make jokes about something like that though >.<