I don't know how else to label this but I will be going into details about sex, SH, and anxiety so I don't want to hurt anyone. This post is gonna be kinda long since I have to explain a lot of things, I'm so sorry in advance. Here we go..
I've been dealing with a lot of really scary things, at least for me. About 3 weeks ago on Saturday January 21st, I had...a hell of a night. I feel so ashamed and stupid about it but I matched with this guy on Tinder a week before. Yep, I already look like an idiot. The 21st around 3am he came to my dorm (my roommate was gone for the weekend), we chatted a bit, and then we got up on my lofted bed, and had sex. He wore a condom so that's good. I will admit it felt great, and we slept until around 11am. He left after that, and to this day we don't talk at all. We have each other's snapchat, but I kinda expected it to be a one-time thing. Everything was fine, except the next day/night I experienced pain, some itchiness, and pain during urination. I didn't think much of it, since this was the first time I actually had any intercourse. That went away, but 5 days later I noticed weird bumps on the back of my thighs that hurt; and a full week later they began to bleed profusely, along with some pus or whatever the hell it was. It was total hell sitting, walking, or going to the bathroom.
Fast forward to today, the bumps have mainly gone down but have multiplied on my thighs. My vaginal area is extremely itchy mostly at night, and inside I noticed little white things a few days ago so is this a yeast infection?? I went to Planned Parenthood last Tuesday to get an STD test, the HIV was negative and I'm waiting for other lab results. However I still need to get a primary care doctor in my college area to get an actual diagnosis/treatment.
This is really fucking me up right now because I don't want to deal with this STD shit. It's highly triggering for SH even though I'm 131 days clean. I feel so disgusted and idiotic. Not to mention I've had at least 5 anxiety attacks in the last week. This term is just horrid compared to fall term. Even my piano professor is highly worried about me and bless his heart, but I really don't know who to talk to about this. I'm scared to tell my friends because I don't want them to hate me.
PLEASE HELP I have no idea what to do and I'm terrified of what I could do. If any tests come back positive I just might become suicidal. I literally cannot deal with this, and I'm scared of going back to the hospital like I did last term. I'm sorry this post was lengthy but I can't deal with this anymore. I feel helpless..