Contains abuse - Please help, emotional abuse is getting worse?
My parents make me feel like I want to die. The abuse is getting worse. Every day I'm crying, my eyes have been red and raw the past week from my tears. I haven't been able to sleep good and I'm white as a ghost and physically sick from the stress. I have panic attacks every single day. My father will not let me have space and he continues to deny things and blame them on me. My mother continues to be defensive and she also denies things. They both scream and show no emotion when I cry, they just continue.
A few nights ago my father was getting me very anxious because he was rushing me to do something very important that took time, putting the new sim card in my phone. He told me I had ten minutes- being fully aware i had no clue how to put a sim card in- and then he was shutting off my service. He was counting down, eight minutes, seven minutes, which was making my anxiety skyrocket. I started having a panic attack and then my dad told me that something was very wrong with me. Then my mother came in and she and my dad said I should go back on meds and a bunch of other **** that is not true. I ended up running upstairs, sobbing and hyperventilating, and for the first time I seriously wanted to die. I told them this and they were like, thats understandable. This is what confuses me. They will act sympathetic sometimes but then they KEEP DOING IT!
Anyways the next day my mother and father didnt even acknowledge that they were the ones who gave me a panic attack. They said it was MY fault because I didnt want to talk to my father so we could AVOID all that happened the night before. Right.
They keep threatening to kick me out, take away my phone and a whole bunch of other bull to get me to talk to them.
I can't do this anymore. I am physically and emotionally drained and they don't even care. They act like they do, but then they will do it again. Sometimes they will act like normal parents, but then they will do it again. Its like the story of the boy eating the hot peppers, letting them burn his mouth, because he is waiting for a sweet one. It is ridiculous. I fear that if I stay here much longer, I will kill myself. I have no friends or family. I am crying, highly anxious, on edge, and have panic attacks every day all day. Please, I just don't know what to do anymore. If the tone of this post seems different than the others, it's because it is. I am officially at my breaking point.... Im tearing up even as I write this... please... Im just not sure what to do and there is nowhere I can go... I have a couple of hundred dollars, I could take a flight somewhere but even then, I would be homeless. I suppose it would be better than this though? Ugh, i dont even know...