I went through a rape- like experience last year and saw an assault counsellor until March this year. My life fell apart then and she withdrew because it's was beyond the rape and she couldn't help, basically.
But things have settled now and it's back, every so often I get obsessive about my experience, angry, sad, I have nightmares and it just plays on my mind.
I still have difficulty in framing what I went through as rape or as not my fault, I think I have PTSD but maybe I just want to be told that to validate my trauma.
My psychiatrist suggested I don't go back to the assault counsellor or bring it up with my psychologist because it might make things worse. But don't I still need to process it even a little bit if I'm so stuck?
I started a new job so that shook up all my anxiety related problems (washing, germs, food) so maybe it shook up this, too.
Any advice or just supportive words would be appreciated
Thank you x
Oh Aimee, I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much *gentle squishes*
Let me just start by saying that you are wonderful & what happened to you was beyond words, you suffered indescribable trauma that you didn't deserve & you have every right in the world to feel validated in what happened to you. Whether you have PTSD or not, you felt that pain, you still feel pain today & what happened, shouldn't have happened & you have every right to feel the way you whatever anyone else says.
The anger, the hurt, the confusion, the denial, is all a part of processing the trauma that you went through & all I can say is that it will get easier, I promise.
Ama has a brilliant idea,, looking into groups is something to defiantly pursue. I love this idea of the app too, if you think it might help, You go ahead & do it. Do whatever you have to, to help yourself heal.
I saw my psychologist today and she recommended trying to go back to my assault counsellor. Last time I called to try and re-engage they wanted me to go through triage which i didn't think was necessary so I didn't follow up with it. But she said I should perhaps email her and tell her I want a "top up" of sorts and if that's ok and how to go about it.
I worried I might fall into a "victim" mindset but I think I'm there so I want her help to get out of it. It worked in the past.
I really hope that seeing her is helpful to you and that she gets back to you super soon.
If you're worried about being a victim? I wouldn't really worry about that too too much. You were a victim of a crime, that's a fact. But you're a lot of other things too. You're a friend and a sister and a daughter and so so so many other things. And you're you. That's the most important bit.
The counsellor responded and said their wait list is long but a top up session would be okay (if it can be fit around work hours). She mentioned something about phone and email support do not sure if she means that in conjunction with the single session, but that would be very kind.
Thank you Ama, very true words. I guess I wonder if bringing it up will intensify the victim feelings and sense of injustice but I guess I already have those so at least I can get help with it.
I should have looked over the notes she left me with last time but I feel too fragile to do it because it describes what happened and I don't want to go there on my own.
I worry I'm just going to waste her time too. I mean what am I going to say, I still feel confused if he was guilty of anything? I want to report it anonymously but if the police followed up that seems unfair on him? That I have dreams every so often but not frequently enough that it really warrants discussion?
Sorry to keep going on. Just getting it out of my head.
I don't know. Maybe I overreacted. We'll see if I can get an appointment any way I suppose.
Last edited by Snow White. : 01-09-2015 at 03:08 PM.
I'm glad you're seeing her. I hope you find it helpful, and I don't think you're overreacting. You're finding things hard - understandably, because this is an awful, awful thing to go through, and it's totally okay to need some help and support.
Try to be good to yourself just now x
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."