ok, im new here so not quite sure if this is the right place for this, if not i apologize in advance.
So just wondering really after a conversation i had recently, what effect do oher peoples expectations have on us, orhow do we react to them?
interesting thought really, but the more i think about it the more unsure i become. . .
We all have expectations of ourselves and others. As humans we are easily influenced by others; so undoubtedly, their expectations of us would alter our own perceptions which we hold of ourselves in some form or another. Be it if we wish to conform or rebel, either way, others do have an influence upon us. As much as we may dislike it.
Anyone else have any other perceptions or beliefs?
I think there is a huge amount of pressure to meet the expectations of parents, friends and society in general. Anything from getting good grades, to being a certain weight, to wearing certain types of clothes, to having a high level job; a lot of the time we get sucked in because it's human nature to seek approval.
I do think this pressure (however subtle it may be) can have undesirable effects on those it's aimed at. The expectations of others are not always achievable - at least not by everyone - and I do believe this is what leads to low self esteem. We can only achieve what we are capable of but the pressure if still on to be 'the best'
I suppose some people react to this by pushing themselves to extreme lengths, some just don't care, some are crushed under the pressure and others will just totally rebel in a bid to conceal their potential failings.
I hate that no ones individuality is taken into consideration anymore. I hate that the world focus's on what you can't do instead of what you can do.
i think the worst expectation comes from schools to be fair. they pressure you just so their record looks great. selfish in my opinion. yeah it's a good idea to get great grades but it's not the end of the world if you don't.
i also hate pushy parents. urgh.
personally, i push myself more than anybody else could.
evidence: i potty trained myself as a child!
Other peoples expectations stress me out no end. 'Cause only I know when I'm ready to do a certain thing or be a certain way yet they feel they have a right to harp on about what theythink I should be doing.
we're social creatures so most of our actions are mediated by the people around us. we act in a certain way to live up to who we are in other peoples eyes - we make our own expectations for ourselves from what others think of us or expect from us.
People's expectations have a huge effect on me sometimes.
I find that what's laid on people in school can have a large effect as well. Too much emphasis is put on exams, in my view, and hardly enough on the importance of actually being a good person and trying your best in what you do. All that seems to matter is how many A's you get, how good you make the school look and how good you make the teachers look. Which is ****, really. When I was in primary school this used to really get at me, trying to make everyone proud and still now I feel like I do things for other people and not for myself.
Then with friends and people I know I think I have to be a certain way around them all the time because that's what's expected of me and it's very hard. Really draining and usually makes me feel worse. I want to make everyone happy and feel good and do the things I should be able to do but sometimes it's really hard to live up to all of that and I'm never sure can I.
So yeah, people's expectations, even if they don't actually exist, can have a big effect on me.
Expectations are a positive thing though. My parents expected me to work hard and do well at school, and I did. Also even when I was depressed, I was expected to get up and go to school and wasn't around to mope around, had I not been made to I wouldn't have gone and I probably would have got more depressed.
Unrealistic expectations can be negative if people push themselves too hard.
But expectations on some things, such as to have good behaviour can be positive, so yeah expectations can be all sorts
I believe that in many cases the most severe form of expectation (And often the most damaging) comes from the individual themselves. Of course it's not helped by society or those around us, as we see others succeed and then say to ourselves 'I should be able to do that'. A lot of unrealistic expectations branch from feelings of worthlessness and a wish to prove things that can't really be proven.
For instance, I bet anyone's parents would love them just as much as if they got Cs in school compared to As, or if they were overweight or underweight, or if they were a world-class musician or not. Naturally schools will want to push you as far as you can go to get results because they get graded on them, and also because that's what they feel you can attain, but in the end the only one that will be upset and beating themselves up over missing that A or A* will probably be you.
I think it's heightened with people with mental illnesses. Perfectionism plays such an integral part in so many psychological illnesses that it's very understandable that young people put pressure on themselves to perform as well as, if not better, than when they were healthy. What I think these people don't realise (and I'm including myself in here) is that the people around them will be so proud of them for making tiny steps, such as even making it to school one day that they won't care whether they've failed a class or not.
I'm going off the subject now, but I got my AS results this summer after dropping out and restarting sixth form due to depression etc, and I was really disappointed with what I got. (Which, in retrospect was very good actually but it wasn't straight As so I had a bit of a breakdown) I'll never forget what my mum said to me. She said "I don't care whether you passed or failed. The fact that you're still alive and you even managed to go to school and take exams means the world to me."
So yeah, ramble over. I think a lot of expectations in teens these days comes from within...
You're not as messed up as you think you are,
Your self-absorption makes you messier.
Just settle down and you could feel a whole lot better,
Deep down, you're just like everybody else.