Trigger warning for eating disorders. I don't know what to title this

Koala hugs · 31-08-2019, 09:55 PM

Not sure where to post this so feel free to move it as long as I know where its moved to.

Desperately wanting laxatives partly because I think it will physically help me but part of me wants to use it to hurt myself with in a way. For example I have some that went out of date in June I'm considering taking them as I have no in date ones but I don't know if it would make me ill to take them out of date or what kinda damage it might do with them being out of date or maybe they won't even work at all like what if they loose potency over time.

Also really bothered about my weight tonight. I mostly try to ignore it but today I can't. Had conversation with mother earlier today and we ended up talking about weight she mentioned various family members weights and stuff and how she wishes she weighed x ammount.

Been watching videos that talk about this kinda stuff tonight too. Had a two hr bath today which I tend to find difficult but my hair was a matted mess so I had to sort it out. My bmi is higher than average and certainly higher than I'd like and I'm going to visit my grandparents in a week and they tend to mention weight and my apperance not out of malice though but I'm worried about going that sed I love them and there old I might not have much more time with them.

Koala hugs · 01-09-2019, 08:23 PM

OK I'm currently not taking my meds now coz they cause me to gain a lot of weight I had yesterday's tho but haven't had any today I don't plan on taking them either. My body dysmorphia is getting bad again but I am genuinly carrying more weight that I used to so its not just the body dysmorphia. I don't really know what to do now I have been to the evening drop in centre and that helped a bit we came up with a plan to ask gp for a meds change hopefully she will be able to help me with everything including new meds that don't cause weight gain if not I'm fucked coz I'm going to have to deal with the withdrawals from my current meds and have no back up plan

Pi.R^2 · 02-09-2019, 11:43 AM

Coming off medication without medical supervision isn't usually a good plan! When will you be seeing your GP? Maybe you could discuss healthy weight loss with your GP as well and if they agree that it would be safe for you, you could try healthy ways of losing weight that don't involve laxatives for example.

Koala hugs · 02-09-2019, 03:16 PM

gp s appointment on wednesday but am waiting on a call back from gp today

Koala hugs · 02-09-2019, 04:55 PM

Gp sed to take x antidepressant but not y antidepressant for now and as for the antipsychotic tablets to not take them for now and we will discuss on Wed how to cope without them

Pi.R^2 · 02-09-2019, 10:31 PM

OK, I'm glad you're going to be under your GP's supervision. I hope the appointment on Wednesday is helpful.

Koala hugs · 03-09-2019, 08:25 AM

Thanks me too

tamobhuuta · 04-09-2019, 07:17 PM

How was it?

Koala hugs · 04-09-2019, 07:41 PM

It went well thanks. I have to go back on my meds but we can still reduce it in future. Gotta change my diet n exercise more. Didn't mention the laxatives but got a lot of other stuff out

Pi.R^2 · 04-09-2019, 09:20 PM

Do you feel able to make the changes that were suggested in terms of diet and exercise?

Koala hugs · 05-09-2019, 12:23 AM

Yeah as she gave me suggestions on how to do it. She gave me clear manageable goals

tamobhuuta · 05-09-2019, 09:56 AM

That sounds helpful? Do you know when you will next see them?

Koala hugs · 05-09-2019, 11:09 AM

Yeah seeing her again in 3 weeks

one_step_closer · 05-09-2019, 12:16 PM

I'm glad your appointment was helpful and you'll be seeing her regularly. Keep a note of things that come up between now and then that you might want to discuss, if that's useful for you.

Koala hugs · 06-09-2019, 09:28 AM

Yeah thanks one step closer