Originally Posted by Pi.R^2
It's totally OK! I use a different name in real life, just to throw everyone off :P
Ooooh I was not expecting that! That's very clever and resourceful!
Hi Lindsay, did you manage to get to the meeting today? I hope that it went okay.
I think you're very brave as you deal with an awful lot on your own. And I know you don't see it as brave, but from an outside perspective, it seems that way. I wish there were more places where you felt safe and supported.
You wondered how people deal with so much. People have wider or narrower 'windows of tolerance' for the level of arousal they can manage. For people with mental health issues, that window is often quite narrow, partly because many of us become used to avoiding situations which make us distressed (I know I do). That's not because we've failed, it's just part of trying to manage and reduce overwhelming distress. Unfortunately, the more we avoid, the less we're able to cope with, quite often.
It's overcomeable (totally made that word up) but I suspect it takes time and a certain level of resilience/stability. If you don't have that because you're trying to manage so much distress already, it's a lot to ask to try and widen your window.
It seems to me like a good (but understandably very hard) place for you to perhaps explore challenging those fears is to find yourself able to call the crisis team. This might take a lot of practice to exercise that 'muscle' until it becomes generally less scary. I think we have a tendency to overthink, which further ramps up the anxiety. How about making yourself a bracelet with a reminder on that tells you to just 'call' (or whatever works for you).
I'm rambling so you don't need to listen to any of that! But maybe something will relate.