Oh sweetheart I know that can be such a hard, scary situation, and it's hard to hold onto right now but ultimately they want to keep you safe, as Lillie said. Maybe try some calming breathing, and as suggested above, see if there's anyone who could sit down with you and explain what's happening. Thinking of you.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Thank you. Have bed in local ward now. They're kind here, but what can they do? Really? It's not because I'm unwell. It's because I'm fucking terrified and with good reason. Fucked. I'm completely fucked.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
Maybe their kindness can help ease some of your fear. Maybe with time you will feel like there is less to be afraid of or find a way to cope with your worries. Are you talking to the staff? Please take care and be gentle with yourself.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Do you think you're better off there for a while where you can be safe and looked after? They must have thought you needed to be there for some help even if you think you're not unwell.
I don't know what's going on or what you're so terrified of but I do know you're not fucked by any means.
Shit. Consultant is off sick. They've had a locum in for two hours a day. I want to leave, but can't without a consultant lifting my section. I have had two lots of staff escorted leave in however long I've been here. IT IS NOT SAFE. Fuck. I am a sitting duck. Fuckfuckfuck. Nurse said the doctor wouldn't lift the section anyway. Presentation something blah I don't know. My friend came earlier. I can't remember what she said. Thoughts are hard to find. I just need to get out.
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
I'm sorry you feel trapped and scared and unable to take in some things. That must be quite terrifying and frustrating. Do you feel comfortable enough with the nurse who said the doctor wouldn't lift your section? I hope that you trust her and can let them take care of you even if you think what's going on isn't right. Would it help to text your friend? This will pass, keep going. Sending lots of love.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
. Thinking of you.
