i remember you, hi
i guess it doesn't matter if i say who it was, its just my paranoia holding me back and shes dead so its not like she'll ever see it.
it was my grandmother. my grandparents lived close by so we spent a lot of time there and she would usually behave herself when my grandad was there which kind of indicates she knew what she was doing.
it was just like if ever you were upset you were being over dramatic or a drama queen, there was a constant theme of my mother not being good enough for my dad, that he'd married 'beneath him'. she said any number of really hurtful things, acted in a hurtful way but when challenged would deny it completely. everything was always you, never her.
i think she might have had a bit of a physically abusive childhood, but this is just from putting together the odd bits and piceses she said as she would never really talk about her family to us. Never met any of her family except at funerals.
i hated her and often wished her dead, which is just more guilt.
though i dont think about the whole thing most of the time, it just sometimes comes up because i often do feel like i over react to things and so on, so maybe her actions had an affect on me other than making me feel guilty. and then it ocuurred to me that if shed had this negative effect on me maybe her behaviour could count as abusive. it was just a new way of looking at it that was a bit surprising.