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Old 06-09-2010, 09:17 PM   #1
Bronze Moth
 
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Contains abuse - Is this emotional abuse?

i know its not too bad, but i guess along with everything else it all piles up

if someone often made derogatory remarks about your appearance, and even if they complimented you it wasnt really a compliment there'd always be implied criticism there, if they played favourites by comparing you negatively to someone else (or positvely if you were the 'favoured one') or pointedly giving you extra and more thoughtful gifts, if they made out you were a burden to your parents and selfish if you wanted something, if sometimes they would be 'normal' towards you and other times really dismissive and off hand...

if this happened a lot would it be considered emotional abuse?



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Old 06-09-2010, 09:21 PM   #2
shadow-light
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I think that would be classed as emotional abuse, esspecially if it was a regular occurance.


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Old 06-09-2010, 09:47 PM   #3
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it certainly made me feel like crap at the time and i still feel guilty to this day about how it affected my sister when i was the 'favourite'. it happened regularly from when i was a small child up to my late teens/early 20s.

i think im ok. i just wonder.. did this contribute to me being lonely, did it make me more vulnerable to other things?

thanks

hope you're ok, i read your thread.



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Old 08-09-2010, 05:19 AM   #4
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hey , i dunno if you remember me, it's been a while since i was on ryl :)

i think it depends who it was, to be fair, because i had a cousin who would always say thoughtless hurtful things, but she was genuinely tactless and bad at phrasing things. the best way to see it is - if someone says hurtful things and it just came out wrong, then it isnt worth thinking about, and if someone says hurtful things and they wanted to upset you, then THEY arent worth thinking about! i know it's easier said than done though :(
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Old 08-09-2010, 10:31 AM   #5
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i remember you, hi

i guess it doesn't matter if i say who it was, its just my paranoia holding me back and shes dead so its not like she'll ever see it.

it was my grandmother. my grandparents lived close by so we spent a lot of time there and she would usually behave herself when my grandad was there which kind of indicates she knew what she was doing.

it was just like if ever you were upset you were being over dramatic or a drama queen, there was a constant theme of my mother not being good enough for my dad, that he'd married 'beneath him'. she said any number of really hurtful things, acted in a hurtful way but when challenged would deny it completely. everything was always you, never her.

i think she might have had a bit of a physically abusive childhood, but this is just from putting together the odd bits and piceses she said as she would never really talk about her family to us. Never met any of her family except at funerals.

i hated her and often wished her dead, which is just more guilt.

though i dont think about the whole thing most of the time, it just sometimes comes up because i often do feel like i over react to things and so on, so maybe her actions had an affect on me other than making me feel guilty. and then it ocuurred to me that if shed had this negative effect on me maybe her behaviour could count as abusive. it was just a new way of looking at it that was a bit surprising.



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Old 09-09-2010, 03:49 AM   #6
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I think that can be emotional abuse. And even manipulation. Some insults and "digs" can be disguised as compliments like "You'd be so pretty if not for your nose" or something like that. It's wrong of someone to do that to you



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Old 09-09-2010, 11:49 AM   #7
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it was usually around weight. i don't want to blame her for my disordered eating when i was younger but she really can't have helped. you had to eat everything on your plate or you couldnt leave the table, but if you did you were greedy and would get fat. when i was underweight she told me i should be careful not to get fat.

i don't think she ever really wanted us, not unless we were being useful. We were an annoyance to her most of the time, noisey, wasting money and in the way.



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