This probably doesn't belong in serious but I'm not sure where it should go... mods feel free to move it.
I don't feel right. Just... a bit off kilter. I've noticed it over the last week or so. I can't kind of explain it or put my finger on what's wrong. I've had a really good few months so I'm not sure where it's come from.
I've had... not thoughts of self harm exactly, but kind of more of an awareness of it? Like it's kind of a shadow in my mind, where it hasn't been recently. I've isolated myself slightly. I can feel myself being a bit irrational with people. I don't like it.
At the same time I feel like I'm overreacting. Like, it's a few down days. It happens. It's not that big a deal - people have blips. It's ok. It doesn't mean everything is going to go wrong.
I guess I'm just worried? I can't figure out what's going on. I don't know why things have shifted. I can't work out how I'm actually feeling.
I feel like I'm massively overreacting, but at the same time I can kind of just see how things could spiral from here. I don't want that. I don't know how to handle this when I can't see that anything has happened to cause it.
I have a psychiatrist appointment in a month and I had been kind of imagining what it would be like to just rock up and be like hey, yeah, everything is fine, it's all good. And now... maybe that'll still be how it goes. But maybe it won't.
This doesn't make sense. I don't know what to do. The only professional support I have lined up is that psychiatrist appointment. A few months ago he said he thought I needed a cpn but I haven't heard anything about that. I'm also supposed to be starting an emotional regulation group but that won't be til December/January at the earliest. I could call the cmht and ask whether they know anything about a potential cpn for me? But at the same time I feel like if it mattered it would have been sorted by now. That asking for more input isn't justified by a few not-quite-right days.
I guess I don't know at what point to worry, or when to act, or what to do. This doesn't feel right.
I would keep an eye on things, maybe over the next week? I also think you should chase up the CPN situation. And if the SI thoughts get worse or you start feeling suicidal, call the duty worker. If reading this reply you think things are worse or more urgent than I've understood then go with your gut and ask for help sooner.
The CMHT can't see what is going on for you, so I don't think it's that they think it doesn't matter that you get CPN support. It's ok to get in touch with the CMHT and explain how you're feeling even if it's hard to explain. Do you have any personal support? I understand the anxiety of feeling that things aren't right but not being totally sure what's going on. I hope you can work through this and feel better soon.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Oh right. My sister is abroad at the moment, she’s in touch a bit but mostly I want her to have a nice holiday. One of my friends is having her own issues with relationship etc. I messaged one earlier and he hasn’t replied, I think he’s busy today. Another is freaking out about house/moving stuff. So I guess people are kind of there but at the same time kind of not.
That's a shame, I guess we all have life stuff going on. It's kind that you want your sister to have a nice holiday but if you think it would be useful to talk to her then please give it a try. It's ok to ask your friends etc to be there for you since I'm sure you are there for them.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I felt better yesterday but not so good again today. I don't know why. I think maybe being in work helped after the weekend but that seems to have worn off.
It's ok to phone them while things are 'not that bad', maybe they could help prevent things from getting worse. If they thought you didn't need support right now then I'm sure they would just say it, but if they did say that and things got worse I would hope you'd update them.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I called them and just said that last time I saw the psychiatrist he'd said I should have a cpn and I haven't heard anything and did they know anything about what was going on with that. Receptionist said she would chase it up with the Dr and the lead cpn and that someone would call me back.
I'll be surprised if I do hear from them, but at least now if things get worse I can chase it up again and explain why.
