Sorry for posting again. I just have no one to talk to outside of this place.
I almost walked on rail tracks in front of a train while dissociated. I am going to be put inpatient again. If I don't go voluntarily, I am going to be put in a hospital involuntarily.
I had three kittens and momma cat at home. They are 10 weeks old, and this time there is no one willing to take care of all of them while I'm away, especially considering that my landlord expects kittens to leave his property by June 25th max and if I go to the hospital on Monday I'm surely not getting out of hospital by that date.
I had tried to look for anyone to adopt the kittens or foster them among the people I know, on social media and on ad sites for over a month now, but I was unsuccessful. The only offer to adopt a kitten came from a guy who, apparently, accidentally killed his previous pet cat when he was drunk and is still drinking heavily, so I declined the offer.
Today I took a bus to the nearest big city and left two of my kittens in a shelter there (there aren't any shelters in my city). I simply didn't see any other options. There was about a dozen other kittens in there. I don't know if mine will get adopted, and I think I know what will happen if they wouldn't. i left their favourite toys, food and snacks, although I don't even know if staff would even care enough to pass those to my kittens, they seemed totally indifferent.
I want to help but I am totally helpless myself, so useless in the face of all the misery that surrounds me. So many helpless animals and helpless people, all around me, and nothing I can do, even when I try.
I am such a useless waste of space. I couldn't even take care of my pets. Whhy are they keeping me alive? Why are they wasting resources?
Last edited by Juella : 15-06-2019 at 12:04 PM.