I know that you're not ugly, its just your mind playing tricks on you because you're feeling so low.
It's so hard because it's become habit, sometimes an instantanious response that you have to pay attention to what you're doing when you're not okay 100% of the time. And cause when you want it, you aren't in a good frame of mind to see the big picture, of why you wanted to stop in the first place. You have to learn to trust the part of yourself that isn't there right now, but will be once the urdge passes.
I hope you're okay, and feeling better.
coley. x x x