I'm such a mess.
They are people from my past, I thought I hd gotten away from them, but I haven't.
They r*ped me, three of them and once with a knife. I don't know what to do, I'm in so much pain physically and emtonally. I want to curl in a ball and cry, but I can't.
I'm so so sorry you've been through such an awful experience. Everything is going to be a bit fragile right now so please be as gentle with yourself as you can. Do you have any support at the moment? It's up to you but you could consider calling a rape crisis helpline, or reporting it to police or going to a hospital (a good idea as you can get support there and get checked out if you're hurting).
Snow White Thank you,
I am seeing my psychiatrist on Tuesday, I've been thinking about calling a rape crisis line but I feel unsafe doing that. My partner will be with me at the hospital which is great. I just feel so scared and small.
I'm glad your partner can be with you now. I understand why you'd feel so scared and small after such an awful experience. I hope you can do what you need to comfort yourself in the safest way.
I wonder if your partner could be with you if you do want to call the rape line, even just to get on the phone? It's worth considering, they know just what to say to people in this situation. When I was raped I called a helpline that night as I was struggling to process it but they helped a lot.
Thanks Snow White, I tried to comfort myself but got overwhelmed very quickly and ended up self-harming so my partner and I spent last night in emergency.
I might call a rape crisis line, that does sound like a good idea.
In_BPD_Hell,
Thanks. I'm very tired and sore both my arm and other places. Just trying to put one foot in front of the other.
Thank you roxanna_bella_rose for your kind words.
Thanks Patch. I'm not good today, can't think/focus very well. I keep remembering.
It's understandable that you're feeling fragile. I'm sorry that you ended up self harming. I hope that you feel able to keep safe tonight?
I hope the crisis line helps.
Can you try and take things gently? do something nice for yourself? you've just been through a hell of an ordeal and you deserve to treat yourself with love & respect.
Keep reaching out, it's important keep talking. You deserve the support. x
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
It's understandable that you might feel overwhelmed at the moment.
Be gentle with yourself and keep reaching out as much as you can.
Did you manage to phone the crisis line?
Thinking of you ♡
Did the hospital provide any help to you or advice? How is your partner coping with helping you? I'm glad he can be by your side.
Keep talking to us if it helps xx
Hugs. I hope you will be ok and be able to deal with the memories and pain.
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate it.
Patch, I think I'll be able to keep safe, got to keep distracted so maybe I won't see it happening all over again. I will try to take things gently. I have no idea what to do though, I don't really want to do anything. I can't think or focus, all my senses keep overwhelming me with what happened.
Tiptoes, I haven't phoned the crisis line yet, I feel kind of too overwhelmed, like it will make it even more real to talk about it rather than just experiencing it internally, like if I articulate it it becomes words, words that are heard and real.
Snow White, I don't remember too much of the hospital visit, I was really out of it. I got a number for a sexual assault line, someone had written it down for me.
My partner is great and being really supportive and loving. And managing really well, keeping calm, I keep asking 'are you ok?' and apologising. I get told off for that. I'm so lucky.
Remember there is no right way to feel or act, be careful with drinking. Yes a glass of wine may help you relax and unwind but alcohol can enhance any emotions you are feeling. I hope you are ok. x
Do you have a journal? Some people find it helpful to have a place to write all their feelings and thoughts.
My partner/fiance is actually female. She's been wonderful.
Thanks tiptoes, because I have no idea what to do. I feel disgusting and worthless.
I have to clean the house and do some study today, but I don't feel able to do much at all. I'm hoping doing housework and study will occupy my mind for a while if I can focus.
I didn't end up drinking much, I was really tired and went to bed early which really just gave my mind more time to concoct nightmares.
I do have a journal. Maybe I'll try writing in it today. Thanks again.
I can't cope. This is dredging up things I thought I had buried. Being a little kid, sold out by my father and the men. The flashbacks from the other night are triggering ones from when I was a boy. I don't know how to get through this.
Oh my this all sounds si painful and I'm sorry you're facing more bad memories and pain. Is it maybe time to consider getting help, even over the phone?
There's some useful tips for flashbacks in this forum I think or you and your partner could research some online, like "grounding" (doing it together might help make it less overwhelming)
Keep holding on. This is hard but the intensity will not always be like this.
Hey out_of_here, just wanted to give you a massive hug. It's okay, you're doing extremely well. I think what Snow White said above about the tips about flashbacks online sounds really helpful.
How're you doing right now? We're all here for you, yeah? Take care xx
It became like a sort of prison. Encased in a silver shell, words so full of bleeding need spilled like drops on dry leaves. And all the while laughter prevailed a long way from here. Nowhere land, nowhere time, nowhere space.
