I gave the groups :)
Hi all.I have made some decisions over the last weeks and that I have finally left all the groups in town, it was tough decision to make as realised that some people would angry with me for choosing a much quieter existence. But I thought hard about it realised that when i was going, I was coming home more isolated, frustrated and depressed then when I didnít turn up. I also found new hobbies online and started walking regularly and actually found them more beneficial to my wellbeing.
I also realised that actually I was bored going in the first place, not a lot happened and it wasnít meaningful for me. The times I did go there and turn up, I was left waiting ages for people turn up, the conversations were diabolically boring, it took more anxiety in me to go my self and to actually stay more than twenty minutes and nothing about the groups was memorable.. tbh I was bored that I saw the back of eyelids and yawned a bit too much.
So what I did was, I walked off and never returned again and I feel 300x better. I am freeee. I have also realised that I enjoy walking every day, I love music and I have hundreds on penpals all over the globe 🌍, who I write to, email, text, call on Skype/FaceTime that I feel that I have a more meaningful friendship with..we chat a lot of the time, I have I have known most of them since 2007, well before I developed a number of mental health conditions. Bpd. PTSD, depression etc and the friendships are blossoming, they understand my personal needs and how I am physically with the fibromyalgia. So they understand that If i chat to them it isnít personal and I feel that human with them..
in other words I ainít worried if I get upset, angry or I am dancing around in the space of five minutes. I can be me...and not the half asleep bored out of my ass feeling I used to feel and itís also giving my racing heart rate I get from anxiety a rest. I now only feel that when I am walking quickly or exams, coursework deadlines and things are worthy of my time and effort.