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Old 26-01-2014, 05:37 AM   #1
The Stranger Stranger
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Reviews Requested- Safe - Dream(e)scape

Now I watch the moon
And she can sleep

I held that dream
Tighter than stone seals a reservoir
Untouched by man for a thousand years
Until a nightmare woke me
That my dream was gone
But there it sat
It kept a keen eye
On the ball of silver in the sky
And although the dream was mine
My dream did not dream of I
She was already gone
So in a night as long
As a wingless bird's distance
From the sky
I whispered to her
Fly
And what we had
I will always keep

Now I watch the moon
And she can sleep

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Old 21-02-2014, 08:15 PM   #2
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I rally enjoyed how it started and ended the same way, that circular pattern is always really cool in writing. The bird metaphor was a little un relatable though. I hope this helped!



Clean from cutting, burning, bulimic attempts, and selective muteism since February 18th, 2014.

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Old 24-02-2014, 04:59 PM   #3
The Stranger Stranger
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absolutely. thanks a million for your feedback. i'll see what i can do about the bird metaphor and i'm glad you liked how it came full circle at the end,

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