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I Finally Did It
Last night was a really bad night for me. I was crying and upset and that was it. That was my breaking point. Coincidentally my good friend Becca messaged me on Facebook asking me how I was doing (she knows about how depressed I am) and I just broke down and I explained everything that was on my mind and how I felt and she just blatantly told me to tell my mom. She said if I don't tell her I'll never get better. Let me tell you guys, it was the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done. I was on the phone with my boyfriend at the time completely bawling my eyes out and he told that if I don't do it now I'll never do it. He pretty much talked me through it and finally I hung up with him, went out to the living room and before I said anything I started crying so hard. To make a long story short, I told my mom about how I think about suicide and how I'm so depressed, how I can't sleep or eat. I didn't tell her about my self harm because I haven't self harmed in over a month and I don't plan on doing it ever again. My mom started crying to and she pretty much cradled me in her arms like I was a little kid again. It was such a relief to tell her. She set up an appointment for me at the doctors on Wednesday to get antidepressants. She found sleeping pills in our bathroom that I took and got a complete and full night of sleep last night. She's going to call the therapist this week to set up an appointment. It sucks, you know? Knowing that you're only 16 and already on antidepressants, sleeping pills and going to therapy. But I finally did it. I finally told my mom after six years.
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