Triggering (SI) - Having a rough day

Sian · 10-01-2008, 01:58 PM

Hi

I'm new here so I don't really know anyone yet and it feels a bit cheeky to be posting and asking for help already but I really struggling today. I haven't self harmed in any way at all for nearly 3 months. I've even managed to stop smoking for over 3 months, which after 16 years of being at least a 10 a day girl is quite an achievement. I thought I was doing really well. Then the last week happened, and it's all been so bad. I've had a lot to deal with, between friends having crises, breaking off a long term friendship and then yesterday having an assesment for psychotherapy. It has stirred everything up and now all I can think about is cutting. I haven't given in to the urge yet, but it is hard.

It is not helping either because my best friend promised she would be online to talk to me last night, as we knew I would be feeling bad after the assesment. She wasn't. She hasn't tried to contact me or anything. I am sure she has her reasons, and that they are good ones but it still hurts right now. I have been helping her out with her problems since before christmas and when I really really need her she isn't there. I know I am whining, I don't mean to it's just that I feel so alone right now and that is making it harder not to give in and cut.

Sorry for dumping this on you all, I'm just not coping real well today.

Sian
xxx

Zedebee · 10-01-2008, 02:06 PM

*hugs*
First of all, there's no need to apologise for posting. Old or new, you deserve as much help as anyone =)

I can understand how you must feel about your friend, but you must keep reminding yourself that she does have her reasons and when she does contact you I'm sure you'll feel much better. Please, try to stay calm and positive and, as hard as it may be, don't let this affect you too much.

Well done on going 3 months without self harm and smoking,; that's a real achievement and I know you must want to carry that on and last much longer. Have you tried distractiomn techniques? This site has lots of them in the form of the fun and distractions forum, the RYL arcade etc. Or how about takinf a nice warm soothing bath? istening to calming music? maybe some shopping? Something/anything that makes you feel good inside...?

I do understand it can be tough but believe me you can get through these urges and it'll be very worth it. Keep trying and keep distracting. If you want to talk, I'm available =)

Take care
Zed x

Sian · 10-01-2008, 02:21 PM

Thank you for your kind reply. I know I am silly for letting this thing with my friend get to me. She has always done her best to be there for me, I know I will certainly feel better when I am able to get hold of her to talk to. It is just that I need someone right now and there isn't anybody. I know that's not her fault, I just hate being alone at the moment. It scares me as to what I might do.

For now I am trying to keep busy. I am posting on here, also doing some other stuff online.I have my favourite music on and when our cats aren't hiding from me I am stealing cat hugs. They do really make me feel better, which is daft but true. It's just that no matter what I do the thoughts and images of cutting are still there. It is quite distressing to say the least but I know it will pass. It's just a matter of distracting myself until then I guess. I will look at that forum and see what ideas there are for distracting. Thank you for pointing it out to me!

Sian
xxx

Zedebee · 10-01-2008, 02:32 PM

You're very welcome. And you're not silly or daft. Cats have prven to be an amazing comfort to epople. My best friend lives for her cat...it's quite sweet =)

But yes, I'm glad you're distracting and I understand how difficult it might seem without your friend's support. Like I said, I'm around if you need to talk. I know it's not the same but it's something =)
xx

Sian · 10-01-2008, 07:08 PM

I had a look at the forum but to be honest I was finding it hard to concentrate. So I went and braided my hair instead. Now I have cool hair and have also managed not to cut. So a win win situation really. Still feeling a bit ropey but not long until my boyfriend gets home from work, so I shall be safe then. Thank you!

Sian
xxx

Cazki · 11-01-2008, 01:02 AM

*Gives you a big hug* Im so sorry to hear that your struggling right now. I can understand how difficult things must be without your friend. Im sorry the pain that your going through i really am. We all care about you alot though and will always try our very best to support you.

From what you have said it sounds like you have been through so much and that your still really struggling. It sounds as if you have been struggling for some time. Im really sorry that you have been struggling for such a long time. I can understand that you are fed up with struggling and that you just want to be able to move on and have a happier life. Which you will do with our support. Well done on not smoking and harming for 3 months thats excellent! im so proud of you. Thats an absolutey fantastic achievement! Well done!

I know its incredibly difficult but you can get through this i know you can please please keep posting and talking to us here ok. We are all here for you at this difficult time. Please take care of yourself.

Best wishes Ian xxxxxxxxxxxx