Hey.
Ok so im really sorry if i did this wrong, or put it in the wrong place or something. Im sorta new to this.
Ive been really worried lately about myself. Because, well, alot of reasons, im not sure where to start or how to say it, but ill try.
So, i get obsessed with people. I dont know if i love them or if i just feel the need to follow them and know things about them. I know this sounds stalker-ish and crazy, but really i dont intend to hurt anybody, i dont think. It happens mostly with teachers and therapists. I need to find out where they live, what car they drive, license plate, phone number, i even search them on facebook. Once, i went overboard, and pretended to be someone else so that i could see their profile. That problem got fixed and i dont do such drastic things anymore. But it really is ruining my life. I feel like i HAVE to know these things and i cant stop myself from doing so no matter how hard i try!
also, i dont know if it's love or if its really me that wants this, because i feel that someone or something is controlling my mind. I dont know which thoughts, actions, words, etc. are mine and which are put in my head by another . Maybe what im saying isnt true either. maybe they are putting it in my head to believe that they are making me say and do and think things but really they're not. I dont know! i just dont know! I am so confused! i cant take this anymore! I even get attacked sometimes when im in the shower! its happened about 5 times now! I dont see anyone. I just feel their presence and then the just rush at me. it feels like they're going through me in a way. Feels like i cant breathe. feels like im going to die and they are going to kill me. Im not sure though if i actually got attacked in the outside world or in my head. I dont know what's real and whats not.
Oh god. I dont know what to do.
I've thought about talking to my therapist about this all, but i dont even know if its true or if its just thoughts of mine or that are put in my head. I dont know if i actually got attacked or if it was in my head.
Also, i just got a new therapist and ive only seen her once, but she seems too bubbly and judgemental.
Is it right that she asked me if im a "loner"???!!! I find that sorta offensive.
Anyways, i just needed to let this out.
Maybe some of you may even have experienced the same as me!:) I doubt it, but i guess its possible...
Thank you:)
and take care!!!!!
HI,
ive only just come across your post otherwise i would have responded sooner. Im not sure really what to say that would be of help but i had to post to let you know you're not alone, I can also get almost obsessed by people as well, I also want to know all about their family, where they live, their number, what car they drive etc. As ive never mentioned this to anyone before i cant really give you advice as i dont know what to do about it myself.
The positive thing is that you recognise whats going on and understanding is the first step to any kind of recovery.
if you feel its taking you over it might be wise to tell your therapist, perhaps write it down if that would be easier.
As to if its real or not, if you are experiencing it than it is real to you, it must be frightening to go through this by yourself.
You have described feeling this way about teachers, therapists maybe other authority/care giver type people, maybe its a bit of transference?.
well can i just say it would be a gd thing 2 talk 2 ur doctor and well from there they would refer u 2 a anyalist 2 root out the problem if there is one and from there u can get help pm if u want 2 chat xxx
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Is it fair play to try and win her heart?
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i have heard about this type of thing with other people. mainly i think it develops out of a fear of being left (say, if anything bad happened to the person and you were left behind) or abandonment.
i dont know if you feel those things, but it would be a good idea to mention it to your therapist. in my opinion calling you a loner isnt offensive, just honest, and she needs to get the real picture about you before she can really help you.
try to open up to her about it sweetie. she won't judge you for it, im sure she will have similar things from others before, like i have.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
