I swear I used to wake up enthusiastic and happy everyday. What happened?
I am a 32 year old single female. My doctor thinks I have ADHD, but I'm still deciding if that's true or not. Spontaneous, daring, funny, opionated... have always described me. But apparently those are common traits in women with ADHD. Great! Lol
I am disappointed in my social circle.
I moved out a state a couple years ago, and when I went home to visit I barely recognized my friends anymore. Everyone had so many issues. Which I understand is life, but what happened in such a few short years?
I'm not sure if it's the age I am, and people who work feel entilted to be selfish with their time because they have less of it. But what happened to being a good friend for the sake of being a good friend? I think many people are only good friend's when it's convenient for them. Seems like everyone's in it for something: They need to talk because they just got dumped, but when you have a problem, they're no where. They want to party, to meet guys/ girls, to have you come to their birthday party, when you haven't talked to them in months. Whatever it may be, there's always a catch.
My dad was in the hospital a few months back, and did any of my close friends follow up to ask me how he was? No. I'm so irked! But I still went home, and gave everyone more chances. I'm not sure if it's just an Los Angeles thing or what, but I am really turned off by the whole "We're great friends.... if it's convenient for me" attitude. Loving friendships and relationships shouldn't work like that.
Also, I am at the age when my friends are "supposed" to be somewhat responsible. Some of my friends are living lives that make me ask, What are they thinking? Now, I know my friend's decisions have no reflection on me, but I can't help being disgusted and turned off. I've always been a party girl, never one to settle down, or be rigid and cautious. So when I see my friends who have children doing completely irresponsible and/ or dangerous things, it really makes me question, what are these people doing? And why am I friends with them? Sometimes I want to do a sweep, and cut all these people from my life. But that sounds like I have more of a problem than they do.
Bottom line, I just want to be happy agian. I used to get that energized feeling from laughing with my life long friends, but that doesn't really happen anymore. Instead of laughing it's me being concerned and wanting to help them, or having to listen to their problems, or even worse listening and/or watching them live in denial that they need to change how they're living.... and then go and keep repeating the same mistakes. Which they will later complain to me about. IT GETS OLD!
Has anyone experienced this? I'm not sure if this is an age thing. Does this friendship divide happen in the 30's?
It's depressing. But what can I do? My attitude and perspective on things is jaded, I know. Sometimes I think the only way to have friends is to not have any expectations of them, but how is that possible?
I just want to be happy and have nice, kind, dependable friends who I don't have to worry about all the time. If this is the natural progression in life, I certainly see how people get married have children, and focus their lives on their family. Cuz all this extra shizz is maddening!
All of my past friends have treated me that way, also. It sucks when you go out of your way to make time for them, but they are never there when you need to talk or you just want to hang out. I think that it has to do with growing and changing instead of age (I'm 21). When you go through life and experience new things (like you moving out of state, them starting families, ect.) you change the way you think, act or how you do things. There is nothing wrong with that and sometimes people aren't supposed to stay in your life forever even when you want them to. As for your friends causing you to feel depressed, I really do think that your best bet is to move on from them. Doing that doesn't mean that you have a problem or that you are a bad person, but you are taking the steps to make you feel better.
I'm sorry for rambling and I hope what I said made sense. Take care :)
I understand very much what your going through. I have a used to be friend that did that to me, and she even said "If you can't go, then we can find another designated driver." Yea, I get it. However, I cut her out of my life. I don't hate her, but I realize that I deserve better friends. You have to care about yourself, to say "they are not the right kind of friends for me, and I need to move on and meet new people". I'm going through that myself. I don't worry about all that, hell, I stay home a lot more than anything because I like myself enough to say that a movie is more important then a bunch of drama. Take care of yourself, and love yourself. Your gut is never wrong.
I woke up today feeling much more at ease with myself, and seem to have a better outlook on life (for the day). I'm trying to relax and live in Lokahi. It's a Hawaiian word meaning balance, unity, harmony. Hawaiian culture says opposites and disagreements are a natural part of life. However they are not seen as a bad thing. Like the wind. The wind can hit a tree and at the right speed can cause a tranquil sounds against the leaves............. Or the wind can be at hurricane speed and cause destruction.
Reacting calmy (like a calm wind) is always better than reacting like a hurricane. I am trying very hard to keep this state of mind. I've decided to start a book and in it I'm going to write down everything that triggers my anger.......and then write why it did. I am ashamed that I have been taking things as personally as I have.
As for friends and family members that I didn't mention, I'm going to do my best to live at peace with their decisions. They're not mine.
WHY CAN'T I ALWAYS BE SO LEVEL HEADED? I really hope this outlook stays with me for a while. I'm going to do my best to make sure it stays.
:) Lots of Love and thanks to your responses. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who has experienced these things.
