I hear ya.. I don't like going inpatient at all. Not only does it just procure more bills I will never be able to pay, I wind up worse at discharge.
I've been in a phase over the last several weeks in borderline psychosis and just trying to manage as best as possible, and I'm not on medication for it. I' talked to my therapist yesterday and he says I need to do something, largely because I'm having ideations and he doesn't feel comfortable without me under supervision.
I don't know what I'm going to do. If I do have to go back in, this time I have better records and they shouldn't be experimenting and coming up with new diagnosis's...I don't think anyway.
I just don't know anymore and I'm so worn out by the process.
Does anyone have paranoia? I am worried it is creeping in again, just the past couple of weeks, after my meds got decreased. I worry occasionally that my food is poisoned, I tell myself that doesn't make sense and try to act opposite by having something to eat even though I'm a little worried. Is there anything I can do to stop the little fears from growing? Should I tell my psychologist or CPN, or will it go away soon?
Not so much scared, more that I get paranoid that the "system" is against me, when in reality, its not personal and I realize that; its a fight at every turn for everyone without good insurance or unless your rich.
I don't know really what to say to your doctor, I've been evasive with my mine about it, only hinted here and there because I hate being on heavy meds like Haloperidol. The only time I get put on those meds is when I'm inpatient. I'm trying to avoid being hospitalized because it doesn't help and my bills are already astronomical. But I did agree that last time I talked to my therapist to go if I get suicidal. We'll see I guess.
I feel bad I don't have good advice for you. Too bad there aren't more people here to bounce ideas off in this thread. Looks like it just us. I do appreciate your support though.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder back in 2014 and I'm on a depot injection. Back then things were really bad, I was impatient for months at a time and generally had delusions and hallucinations.
I would say I'm for the most part recovered with that aspect of my life. I still have odd thoughts but they were not that distressingly until I started reading a book about a comet hitting earth and nearly destroying all of humanity. I'm half way through it but I keep getting signs. Pieces of evidence that something similar could happen soon. I don't know I find it distressing.
Also, I think I'm hallucinating or actually have been hallucinating this whole time with a noise at night in a particular place I sit and smoke. I don't like it.
Can't talk to my family about stuff like that but might try my cpn.
It's a metallic clicking sound. I've heard it on and off for years but only when I sit outside my house, no where else. I've been with my sister when I can hear it but she's never heard it. Sometimes I feel like she did hear it but wants me to look crazy. Sometimes it right by my ear or a couple of feet away, it jumps. If it's not a hallucinations, what do you think it could be?
I wish you both good luck with talking to your therapists / doctors. I've been evasive about it really, only touched on it with mine. At times I feel like I'm getting nowhere with therapy and coming full circle right where I started.
I don't have anybody I could to to either.. no support system. My therapist questions it all the time that I'm completely isolated like this, no (close) family or friends at all now, its just me alone. I know it sounds bad, but it is what it is unless I make new friends. Its ok though, the only person that has my best interest is myself in life, I don't trust people anymore.
Essentially yes, maybe I could keep people at a distance but I would never let down the wall again completely. People have broken my trust and I've been burned too many times by (so-called) friends. Trust is earned - not given, so it would take a long time for people to earn my (full) trust again.