I did, cold turkey too. For me it went surprisingly well and i had had a genuine feeling that it would due to all the side effects it gave me and the lack of effectiveness, and had that feeling for years both when well and unwell. So it wasnt just the idea ive had for years thst they were poison that made me stop or something else that was clearly sick.
I had noticed a pattern in some things regarding emotional and cognitive side effects that my doctors claimed was my illness for years and refused to even consider may be the meds. The meds took away my ability to do the things that really gave me joy in life, gave me confidence and were wonderful distractions from my symptoms and also a way to cope with anxiety, frustration, sadness etc. That my illness cause.
That being said i would in no way recommend doing what i did. For me it was an act of desperation because my psych refused to listen to how i felt these things were connected and what would help. Every time i mentioned coming off them she saw it as a sign of my illness worsening and increased the dose or added new meds. And each time i felt i came further and further from the person i was. I was also threatened with section if i came off them and in ways scared into taking them in different ways. It felt like all control was taken from me and no one listened to what i said and how i believed it was connected or how terribly limited and upset i felt by the side effects. I was also tired of it being my only treatment really as and for ten years keep trying and trying to find the right meds without really getting any better. At the point i stopped, they had started over in the list of pills to try and it felt likr they just kept running into the same wall for ten years expecting a door would suddenly appear. It had stopped making sense to me.
Anyway, it ended well for me but it caused a hell of a lot of worry to people around me. And in the beginning i was an emotional mess cause i had to get used to have a spectrum of feelings i hadnt felt for years. It was overwhelming. But it also opened the oppertunity for treatment besides pills because they felt forced to do something and since i was refusing meds and wasnt at a state they could force and section me. So i finally got a psychologist which has helped far more than any pills. I had to vome to the acceptance that my symptoms will be there for the rest of my life though and that its not a matter of finding a pill that will make them go away or partially go away but instead finding ways to cope with them and live a good life with them. Which so far is going fairly well with support and help. It also took all the worries and unhappiness the meds caused away so i could spent my energy coping with the symptoms my illness caused and it gave me back the things thst really matter to me. Iy is really ****ing difficult at times but it was before as well but now i feel like i can accept the treatment and that they arent going against what i believe is right. Even when not unwell.
I think you should really talk to your psych but also think through your reasons for doing this. Is it because your illness is lying to you making you believe you dont need them or is it a constant feeling both when well and unwell. Is it side effects, is it improvement, is it cause they are not helping etc. Its also important to consider that if you are symptom free, it may be because the meds are working and coming off them could ruin that. You need to do this with your doctor and discuss it and hopefully find a way where you both feel safe. And remember also that a relapse affects not only you but all who care for you. Its not a decision that should be taken lightly or alone.
Im one of the few cases where it went well but the way i did it was rather stupid and only because i felt desperate and not heard or my needs and beliefs accepted. It could easily have gone wrong was the decision made in psychosis where i was in denial of my illness, if it hadnt because ut was years of this belief never changing not matter what state i was in my illness. I had also gotten a lot better the years before due to learning myself and my illness and removing a person in my life who purposely provoked my illness.
I still have as many psychotic symptoms but the parts of my negative that i always felt were caused by meds are gone (not all negative, there were always some i never believed were caused by meds which proved right) and that has left me with energy to cope better with my positive symptoms. As well as not having the anxiety meds caused for me which was so constantly overwhelming. The biggest difference for me i think was to be able to do the things that gave me joy and confidence again. That also gave me confidence to challenge my illness. So perhaps try to build up such things before stopping meds if you are able to.
I dont think you should do as i do but i completely understand where you are coming from. And im also a supporter of patients having a say in their treatment even though its a psychotic illness. Where i feel in those cases the doctors just dismiss whatever the patient says as its simply psychosis talking and nothing can be believed. Where though i have symptoms constantly, i am far from always in a state so delusional that i cant make rational decisions or make my own judgments if my health. These days its rare that my illness takes over completely and im good at recognising the signs when its starting to and asking for help before i become so psychotic that i cant. But i have to be constantly aware of myself and alert to any signs of relapse and honest to my team if i see them, if i dont want section and forced back on meds.
Its a big decision so be very careful. It could potentially have very bad consequences for you. Do it in cooperation with your doctor. It gives a better impression and they are more lukely to trust you (or most are) if you are open about this and by that feel more safe to possibly agreeing to coming off them eventually.
Last edited by Morpheus : 08-03-2015 at 11:00 AM.
Reason: Sorry about it being a bit confusing. Im very hungover and tired ;)
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thank you Morpheus, i take on board what you're saying. i am just really impatient re: meds. on the 18th it will be a month since i decreased one of my meds and i will be seeing someone then (my regular CPN is off sick indefintely) so i will ask to further reduce my meds then. i just really want to stop NOW.
I'm not sure what to do anymore. The voices are making it hard for me to function in school. They're in the process of trying to find a working medication for me, but in the meantime, I am basically failing out of school and my mom doesn't care if it's "the voices the voices the voices" she thinks I'm making a stupid excuse :'(
My psych tried to talk to her about it, and she said that while "she doesn't doubt I'm having the voices, they are no excuse for my school performance." Even my psych just looked at her. My psych totally agrees that school is not the best thing for me right now and is actually detrimental to my health, but there was no getting through to my mom.