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Old 07-04-2020, 11:08 PM   #1
LRgrad15
 
When people constantly change their minds about whether they are okay with something

Has anyone dealt with someone who can't seem to make up their mind about whether they are okay with something or not? For example, they may agree to help you out with something and even say they are okay with it but then complain about it at a later time. And they constantly do it too, not to just you, but with everyone else too. And it doesn't have to be just about favors. It can also be hosting as well. My friend's parents used to constantly host events at their house and they claimed to like it, but when it would come to the day of the event, I would hear them talking about wishing they didn't have to do it. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. Someone else can.

It is also why I don't like accepting invitations to take whatever I want out to eat when I'm at a friend's house. A while back I posted how I worried that even though they claimed that they didn't mind. I found out that they actually do and that's why I'm glad I listened to my gut. My friend's mom once said that she was okay with me and my friend to finish off a small bowl of ravioli. There was another container of it that was not cooked yet right by it. So we finished off the small bowl. The next day, her mom goes to make it and sees that the bowl is gone. She got mad and said, "Well, I guess I'm not making a whole lot of ravioli now am I?" Why allow it if you don't want people eating it.

I felt bad about it though. There were other cases where she would allow someone to eat something but then when that person left the room, she would get annoyed about it. Another reason I'm glad I don't just take stuff even though they say they're okay with it is because once I saw someone else doing it and my friend's dad said, "Oh you're going through the fridge? Ryan is here all the time and even he doesn't do that." He didn't yell, but I got a sense that he wasn't too happy about it. Makes me glad I don't do it. You never know if someone is truly okay with something. They could pretend to be okay with something but secretly not like it and if it is an offer, the person may secretly hope you're not going to accept.

I've also seen people allow someone to come over to their house and say they are fine with it, only for them to say they were never okay with it to begin with. I know some people who are willing to help others with rides or other favors, only for them to say they aren't okay with it. And in some cases, they will go back and say they are okay with it again. Even my parents can be like that. Coworkers, and even friends have done stuff like that. Not just to me, but to other people as well. They will say they're okay with something, then next thing you know, they are mad at whoever is accepting an offer or needing help. Do you have any clues as to why some people can be so indecisive? When this happens, it causes me to not always accept offers from whoever may be extremely indecisive. Just wondered what you guys thought.

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Old 09-07-2020, 12:32 AM   #2
RaeNoctem
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Unfortunately yes. I have met many people that do this. Sometimes cos they say it just to make people happy. But sadly others do it just cos they enjoy the chance to argue. And others simply don't realise they do it till it is pointed out.

If someone offers, and I would like, I accept. Not going to spend time worrying about it generally. Too much over thinking.



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Old 10-07-2020, 01:48 PM   #3
Dear Intuition dot com
 
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Why So Indecisive?

People who host, give, and offer with regret feel shame around their insecurities. There is a sense of longing for what they give, in fear they won’t receive back. Indecisiveness escalates if they fear they cannot control that it may happen again and again.

In the case of the parents who host and want to give up later, they are tired. So there is some feeling of loss and anguish of the peace and rest they desire, and fear they give up when working so hard throwing a party.

You can trust that someone’s word is their intention. They mean well in giving and offering. When they question their giving, that is a moment for them to ponder where that feeling is coming from. Even when you are willing to accept an offer, you do not have to feel bad about what will happen next. The best you can do is make a good decision in the moment.

What you can do later is offer people more of what you are secure in giving. Is it your time and energy, a listening ear, a home-cooked meal? When you accept graciously from those who offer, the more people you have the opportunity to give back. When you give, it will help you release the anxiety you hold for receiving.

Hope this helps!!

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Old Today, 12:22 AM   #4
Reminiscer
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RaeNoctem View Post
Unfortunately yes. I have met many people that do this. Sometimes cos they say it just to make people happy. But sadly others do it just cos they enjoy the chance to argue. And others simply don't realise they do it till it is pointed out.

If someone offers, and I would like, I accept. Not going to spend time worrying about it generally. Too much over thinking.
Yeah I agree with you. And yeah I can see how it may be a lot of thinking. Just never know for sure.

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Old Today, 12:28 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dear Intuition dot com View Post
People who host, give, and offer with regret feel shame around their insecurities. There is a sense of longing for what they give, in fear they won’t receive back. Indecisiveness escalates if they fear they cannot control that it may happen again and again.

In the case of the parents who host and want to give up later, they are tired. So there is some feeling of loss and anguish of the peace and rest they desire, and fear they give up when working so hard throwing a party.

You can trust that someone’s word is their intention. They mean well in giving and offering. When they question their giving, that is a moment for them to ponder where that feeling is coming from. Even when you are willing to accept an offer, you do not have to feel bad about what will happen next. The best you can do is make a good decision in the moment.

What you can do later is offer people more of what you are secure in giving. Is it your time and energy, a listening ear, a home-cooked meal? When you accept graciously from those who offer, the more people you have the opportunity to give back. When you give, it will help you release the anxiety you hold for receiving.

Hope this helps!!
Makes sense. So in other words, people like the parents I mentioned may be tired of hosting events but at the same time, may miss doing so if they no longer host? Just want to make sure I'm understanding correctly. I do agree with you though. We shouldn't have to feel bad about what happens and just make the best decision. :)

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