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Old 19-03-2010, 10:55 PM   #1
Puff
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![=

I am very suicidal. I don't want to die, I want to be happy.

They wont be quiet.

You know that new drug? I have enough money to get too much.

I can exist as a statistic tomorrow. My mark on the world, helping illegalize the drug thats ironically kept me alive.

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Old 19-03-2010, 11:22 PM   #2
musicmad123
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do you have anyone you can call, it sounds like you shouldn't be alone right now, try and go to a friends house or soemthing. or the hospital x x



Let the Force be with you
I'm not short, I'm space efficient



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Old 19-03-2010, 11:30 PM   #3
Puff
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Noone wants me around. And professionals don't know what to do with me, I've been begging for help for too long. I clearly don't deserve it. I'm not meant to be helped, I am nothing. I doubt I'm even real.

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Old 19-03-2010, 11:37 PM   #4
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you do deserve to be helped just because they've given up doesn't mean we have. what is making you feel so low?




Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?

(Used to be ~sonic~)


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Old 20-03-2010, 12:01 AM   #5
Puff
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The amount of hatred I feel for this world is eating at me. I feel sick to my stomach everyday, ashamed, uneasy, I feel as if I'm see-through and various things completely expose me. I don't like feeling exposed.

I'm losing everything that matters to me, and just losing a guy that meant alot to me this morning, it's an answer I suppose. They're giving me the feeling it was my fault, yes, yet a sign also. GIVE. UP.

Tbh I don't know the reason, it came on suddenly, as it does. Then everything goes to shít. I CANT DO THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN! I can't cope. I AM NOT COPING, I'm enduring.

And this whole week it's just urges and urges, and I'm getting so tired now.

Let them control me. Aye? I can die, and my last moments would be bliss. They make it sound so ... fair.

Why should I live any way? I'm like a puzzle piece that does not fit into the world. People even try to make me paranoid, I know it's them sometimes. And I don't know how they do some things, and knowledge is control. We're all just fúcking expiriments anyway. A herd of sheep. We're like slaves.

Well I like the illusion that we're all designed to have, I'd like to be a little following sheep, oblivious.
Yet I don't, I fúcking despise it.
And I hate living, even in that illusion, purely for the sexual benifit of others. I HATE being A sex. I hate myself. I want to tear myself to pieces. I'd feel comfortable as a skeleton. Then noone can look at me in disgusting ways, and use me.

I can't even communicate whats going on! I can say how I feel, watch - terrified, in so much pain I can hardly bear it, angry, hateful.
Yet I deserve this do I not? I was born a bad person. They offer me a way out of it all and stomp my feet like a child, as if I deserve any better.

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Old 23-03-2010, 02:00 AM   #6
Puff
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Didn't try, no meph out there.
Started to feel very unreal, and as if nothing else was real, so I just self harmed alot.
Nothing serious, just lots of little scratches.

I'm back with The Guy, and it's making me so sad, I thought getting back with him would have cheered me up a bit. Why won't I stop feeling sad? It's been 3 months, I'm so tired!

But it's alright, I just needed to vent, well I think what I wanted was recognition. But having those close to me recognize the pain I'm in would just make things worse.. at least I have here.

Thanks for the hugs, and thanks for the replied. God knows I can be a wee melt sometimes x) Just saying I'm okay, (here).

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Old 23-03-2010, 04:28 PM   #7
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Puffers, I am sorry to hear of your pain, but I'm glad you trust me enough to direct me here to read it.

You need to let go of the guy.. we talked about this before.. He just uses you, and no good will come of it.

As for your hatred... I'm not sure how you or anyone can pull it off, but I just quit caring. Sure, I may still be a bit angry and bitter, but once I quit caring, a lot has improved for me.

I sympathize with you. I'd love to be a sheep and blindly follow, but in all good conscience I can't do that.. it wouldn't satisfy me.

I don't know what else to say besides I completely sympathize with you and know your pain all too well.

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Old 23-03-2010, 05:03 PM   #8
tweety pie 84
its one step forward and two steps back
 
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im glad u didnt od.

You have to keep believing that things will get better, its half the battle to actually getting better.

But i understand when things are just too much, and your not coping. Right now i think rotag gave good advice:

Quote:
As for your hatred... I'm not sure how you or anyone can pull it off, but I just quit caring. Sure, I may still be a bit angry and bitter, but once I quit caring, a lot has improved for me.
I hope u feel better soon



Take Care
Luv Caroline
xxx

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