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Old 10-12-2009, 10:32 PM   #41
HarryMonk
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
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Blot on the Landscape.

I was doin quite well but today I crumbled. B*llocks.

Had a sh*t day intermingled with some good stuff I spose; like my giro finally turned up. Had a row with the welfare shop coz I was late to get to them coz my money was late to me, went there anyway just to be told "we have to put you down as a no-show", so I went shopping, bought some food & made a calculated decision on the bus home "I am buying some beer".

Like it wasn't impulse; I made my mind up that I have had a nutsfull of normal living for today & want a livener.

So bought 6cans of beer which taste lovely.

I am not going to beat meslf up - nor will I buy more beer tomorrow. On my learning curve this is another "eureka moment" - don't get hungry & angry with money in the pocket.

And all that talk of a power greater than you? Well, I walked back from the shop to see my buddy, a little fox, who comes in my garden for cheesy biscuits (or used to) dead on the pavement. Better to be hit by a truck than starve though the winter I suppose; just that this hit me like a sign.

Rest assured I haven't gone bollistically mental or anything like that, but I have been reminded yet again how hard it is to steer clear.

Feelin blue today - tomorrow will be different.

Your friend Harry Monk x
RIP Little fox buddy. Someones tryin to tell me something. Spooky.

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Old 11-12-2009, 03:39 AM   #42
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Balancing AA - Some good some anal

When I was at the AA place something struck me. There seems to be a hierachy. I thought we was all sposed to be equal? Yet there is a hierarchy.

Balancing the good with the bad, this left me feeling inadequate. I am sure that was not anyones intention, but I for one find it rather nauseating to listen with interest to what someone has to say to then listen to their closing statement "look how brilliant I am now" leaving me thinking "you didnt need to say that".

And whether it be "new guy syndrome" "human shyness" or whatever, I introduced myself. In fact introduced myself to one guy early in the evenin who said "goodbye" to the bloke I was talking to on the way out & blanked me totally, which in my humbug opinion was very very anal. (This sort of social uninteraction makes the demon in me want to shout & scream & start hitting people.

Yous might be right in thinkin I aint very upbeat tonight... Trust me, I bought a carton of meat & some root vegetables on my shoppin trip; meat was cheap cuts & aint finished cookin yet. Once I have eaten my casseroled horses arse stew I may well be in a better mood.

Mmmm. Dinner. Can't wait.

Love you all AND will save you some...

Your friend always Harry Monk x

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Old 11-12-2009, 07:54 AM   #43
Norfolkboy
 
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Well done Harry....

For NOT turning 1 day in to an excuse to carry on.....as far as your 'horse arse stew' (love it!) goes....tesco have slow cookers at a tenner!

BRILLIANT if on a budget (use less energy than a lightbulb) & also make tough meat very tender & delicious! Loads of web-sites with recipes (crock-pot also-this is the american word for slow cooker). I make double & freeze rest in portions...saves me a fortune!

Also you've done a good thing in NOT turning 'booze' into AN ALL IMPORTANT HUGE THING....your attitude is 'well I'll have some today & not tomorrow'...etc...I get the impression AA turns booze into this 'more powerfull than anything' 'thing' that can't/or is hard to beat. IT'S ONLY A LIQUID!

I've now done my month & last night I COULD have had some booze (llast time I had a month off the next day after the month I had some as a 'reward')...but chose not to...just not bothered at all about it! May have some Xmas day if my mate comes up from the south!

Did you look at my 'liver tenderness' question?

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Old 12-12-2009, 07:49 PM   #44
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Horses Arse Stew

My dish was actually quite edible. It had a longevity I havent noticed in all the top restaurants I have never dined in... I'm still eatin it now; teeth are bunged up with grisly cows-earhole.

I think what I said before was mean actually about the AA ppl. I read it back & thought "Ouch". Unintded.

BANG! I am jealous of some of these guys.

BAng! I hate the word "ALCoholic"

Bang! I quite like waitin for X-factor to appear on my TV even though my license expired.

Boom! Goodbye world I just admitted to tax evasion & will spend the rest of my days holdin on to Jon Gottis nob.

As you do.

Your friend Harry Monk xxx

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Old 12-12-2009, 08:28 PM   #45
HarryMonk
 
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Liver Status.`

Sorry Norfolks I was checkin out the science behind my liver. My troble was lower back pain galore.

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Old 13-12-2009, 12:37 AM   #46
HarryMonk
 
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I want to marry Morrigan

What was I goin on about here???


Last edited by HarryMonk : 15-12-2009 at 12:12 PM.
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Old 13-12-2009, 09:50 AM   #47
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Hi!

Cheers Harry,

My liver 'tenderness' is nowhere near as pronounced as before...just impatient I guess! Yesterday AGAIN a gout attack...BUT as soon as i noticed a 'twinge' I upped the herbals & vit c & this am as before95% gone. As I said before as the blood uric acid levels drop (due to not drinking) old crystals 'redissolve' hence temporarily raising level again....a bit like payback time for the years of being bad (!)

Tonight will be 5 weeks no booze....can't recall doing that in the last 2o years (!)....do not have a 'plan' or 'target' I just don't at the mo seem bothered about booze. To coin a phrase from a song by the immortal Depeche Mode 'I'VE CHANGED MY ROUTINE....now that I'm clean'............I no longer feel the 'habit/need' to drink on my own in the evenings....I MAY have a drink or 2 Xmas day if my m8 comes up from the South for a night or 2...(other 1/2 back home abroad with parents for a week)...

harry-after your night of beer a few days ago did you find the next day your sleep was ok??

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Old 13-12-2009, 01:59 PM   #48
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Deleted cos it made no sense!!!


Last edited by HarryMonk : 15-12-2009 at 12:13 PM.
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Old 16-12-2009, 10:58 AM   #49
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Feel I'm getting somewhere with my relationship with alcohol...deffo learnt some things...

Hello all,

An update! Well....still have mild gout (in both feet!) but as taking herbals, drinking lots of water, etc....nowhere near as bad as before & am able to walk (before I doscovered herbal tablets, etc pain SO bad for 2-3 days that I was bedbound nearly..!)...GODS PAYBACK for years of abuse!

Well...did THIRTY-FOUR DAYS booze free 9never in 20 years have I done this!) so well chuffed!

On Sunday other 1/2 had some wine (she allways has just a glass or 2 5 nights or so a week with dinner...did not tempt/bother me at all!) & said she fancied some vodka & chocolate (typical girl!)...so she got some & had a couple of glasses (from a 1/2 bottle size)...I had a large one & got the 'hit' (for want of a better word) fairly fast....yes it WAS nice but certainly not ORGAZMIC ! Problem is...my brain is so used to booze that I needed another large one 10 mins later! To cut a long story short I bought another 1/2 bottle & polished that off. This all started about 4-30 pm on Sunday. I'm sure the seasoned 'drinkers' on here will know that if you start that early you'll need more to maintain the 'hit' so to speak until bed-time. I certainly did not feel drunk at all (scary!) & remember feeling my heart rate increase (my BP up until 5 weeks or so ago was very high due to booze as was my resting heart rate...now normal) & thinking how i did not enjoy at all feeling like this! Woke up at 4am with that huge anxiety that you get & a dry mouth...& a panicky feeling. Next day in am felt very down (after all acohol is a depressant).

In a way I wanted to 'test' myself to see how i felt....which was crap! In an ideal world I could have one drink for the 'hit' but the sad fact is that I need so much now to acheive the 'hit' that I can't drink that much (would need i'd say 2/4 of a full 70cl bottle of spirits to maintain the 'hit' over an evening) every day as the health effects would kill me!!!

Ok....so day after my heavy night (monday) I would a few weeks ago have used this 'slip' as an excuse & bought more...WELL I DID NOT. Also...a few weeks back I'd have been anxious a bit & 'craving' a bit from 5-8pm...also my sleep would be crap...IT WAS NOT so certainly a victory on this! I just did not feel like repeating the previous night & realised how much i hated feeling/doing waht i did on the heavy Sunday night!

Last night however I DID have some vodka (not as much as Sunday & started at 7pm!)...reason???! Well without going in to to too much detail i gambled some money away that I should not have used...(still got more than enough to live on!)...so the 'excuse' was that I felt bad (a psychologist would maybe say I'm creating situations to 'punish' myself??!)...also my 'drinking' brain said 'well if i start at 7pm...a bit later...I can have less & still feel pleasantly pissed'.....WRONG! Again I need so much that the 1/2 bottle of 37.5% voddie I bought hardly had any effect after the 1st 20 minutes!!!

No hangover as such this am just that horrible 'down' feeling & that 'stressed' feeling of 'tension' (ie higher I'd guess than normal heart rate/BP)...will I have some tonight???NO! Will definately have none at all now till xmas day (& then that's only if a friend comes up to stay)...


Although the above to some people might look like i have a problem & have 'failed' I beleive its a VICTORY to me/my thoughts/relationship with alcohol. I'm certainly not the type of person that has one drink & will then drink all day/every day ....& certainly if say for example in say 4 months I had a works dinner or something I'd be quite capable of having a glass or 2 of wine at a social function & NOT then have to have loads more...

Anyway I'm waffling but feel for the 1st time I now understand my relationship with booze & am now in control & not addicted.....hope this makes sense!

NEVER before have I had a heavy night 7 the NEXT night been so chilled & not craving & SLEEPING well...all good stuff!

harry...how many weeks now (apart from your 1 night) has it been for you?

Hope you are well!

Norfolkboy

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Old 16-12-2009, 07:51 PM   #50
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8pm & SO relaxed....no cravings AT ALL & looking forward to a good nights kip....

The above says it all!

How is everyone...??

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Old 18-12-2009, 01:06 PM   #51
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Seem to have borken the psychological 'habit'......

Again...slept really well last night. No cravings at all-no disturbance to sleep. I seem to have broken my 'psychological addiction' to the HABIT of having booze at the same time every day...

BRRRR................freezing her in pennine Yorkshire! Took a drive to a viewpoint at 1500feet up-car thermometer said -5 (at 10 this am!) & little drifts of snow a foot deep! Love the snow...

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Old 24-12-2009, 12:31 PM   #52
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Hi all & WHERE'S HARRY??

Well the snow has been beautifull in pennine west yorkshire...not seen so much of it since the 80's!

Other 1/2 abroad for xmas (back this Sunday)...so have I'm afraid to say had a few days of drinking. Not that I enjoyed it or anything (from a psychological point of view I want to 'test' myself i think & be a little self-destructive)...in fact the 1st 2 drinks of vodka yesterday gave me a trobbing headache & my heart was beating so fast....not good at all.

The reason I had a drink? Well I've always gone a bit mad when she's not here...again a silly ritual. I've learnt so much about myself/booze & how good I feel without it that I think I'll have 3 months off it at least from January.

I don't feel I've 'failed' in any way...just had to make myself experience my old 'habits' to make myself hate them.....does that make sense?

I may well drive down south early tomorrow so no booze tonight at all for me....my pal that was coming up has cried off due to the weather..

Have a good one all!

Harry-hope you are ok!

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Old 29-12-2009, 09:01 PM   #53
HarryMonk
 
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Gone a bit pear shaped

Was doin well but went awry when me local hamster gerbil high jump team decided not to show up. (Or in laymans terms I lost the fight & drank the hamster.

Keep goin for 2-4 months then disappear into a cloud of man urine which is annoying.

I have run out of favours to call in; friends & family I have called in favours from think I am some kind of c**t & dependin which way my credit score at the local Binge Drink shop also depends whether I agree or not.

Knew this would be a fight but my consciounse is pretty clear. I can abstain for 12wks after that i become a puppydog.

Happy new year.

Walls keeep tumblim down (those that aint caved in already) but I mean that. Happy New Year folks - keep up the fight even if i cant through being a wuss. Specially you Norfolks you have immortal powers.

Harry Monk xxx
Battling away without an awful lot of success in the past few days.

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Old 29-12-2009, 09:12 PM   #54
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Bizarrely or otherwise my local hamster gerbil team are rather uptight about this statement.

In my brain. By golly.

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Old 29-12-2009, 09:22 PM   #55
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.........


Last edited by HarryMonk : 29-12-2009 at 09:35 PM.
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Old 29-12-2009, 09:33 PM   #56
HarryMonk
 
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Which underlines my feelings about drinking. When I wake up in hostipal I KNOW i told that angry man...

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Old 30-12-2009, 12:54 PM   #57
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I will. In style.

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Old 30-12-2009, 12:58 PM   #58
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Love you all. Merry crimbo xxxxx

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Old 30-12-2009, 06:46 PM   #59
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Hi there HarryMonk and Norfolk Boy, and many others contributing to this thread :)

I have been reading this thread with great interest, as i have had what i can only describe as a 'difficult relationship with Alcohol'.First of all, congratulations on your thirty something days of drink free state! You should be so proud of yourself :)

I was at one stage dependent on Alcohol, and drunk every day for several years. It was of course several years before i realised that Alcohol is a depressant and to be honest was making me feel 100 times worse. I now have not had a drink for nearly two years, and to be honest i feel so much better for it. I was like you at first, i found it very difficult to sleep when i stopped drinking. I was also blighted with Panic attacks and other horrible things. All i know, is that it gets better with time. All i know is, it's worth it.

Just wanted to tell you you're doing a fantastic job! [x]



~*~ Proud Cat Owner ~*~


"The smallest feline is a masterpiece." - Leonardo Da Vinci



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Old 31-12-2009, 03:30 PM   #60
Norfolkboy
 
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Hello all!

Hi all.....

Well not been good from 20th Dec to yesterday! Other 1/2 was away in Europe for a week so that was my rubbish excuse. After the 'novelty' of the 1st day having a drink I allways found an excuse....DID NOT ENJOY drinking at all...apart from the 1st drink (!)

Well 2nite there is one 2 glass bottle of fizzy wine in the hose (for G/F) for New Year so this will be my 1st New years day in probably 25 YEARS that I am 100% sober....so gym for me & G/F tomorrow am! Not going out anywhere either so no temptation there....I'm not beating myself up over this 'slip' but its making a lot of things clear in my head about my relationship with booze. I have NO physical withdrawels as such (apart for not v.good sleep for a day or so) so I am not physically addicted...it's just a mental 'habit' thing!!!!!!!!

So........I'll ne posting a SOBER message on here & feel good tomorrow am! Am going for another longish period (more than 35 days!) of no booze from tomorrow...plus I'm on a diet from tomorrow...aiming to lose 3 stone!

All the best to all....Harry....sure things will sort themselves out!

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