An update! Well....still have mild gout (in both feet!) but as taking herbals, drinking lots of water, etc....nowhere near as bad as before & am able to walk (before I doscovered herbal tablets, etc pain SO bad for 2-3 days that I was bedbound nearly..!)...GODS PAYBACK for years of abuse!
Well...did THIRTY-FOUR DAYS booze free 9never in 20 years have I done this!) so well chuffed!
On Sunday other 1/2 had some wine (she allways has just a glass or 2 5 nights or so a week with dinner...did not tempt/bother me at all!) & said she fancied some vodka & chocolate (typical girl!)...so she got some & had a couple of glasses (from a 1/2 bottle size)...I had a large one & got the 'hit' (for want of a better word) fairly fast....yes it WAS nice but certainly not ORGAZMIC ! Problem is...my brain is so used to booze that I needed another large one 10 mins later! To cut a long story short I bought another 1/2 bottle & polished that off. This all started about 4-30 pm on Sunday. I'm sure the seasoned 'drinkers' on here will know that if you start that early you'll need more to maintain the 'hit' so to speak until bed-time. I certainly did not feel drunk at all (scary!) & remember feeling my heart rate increase (my BP up until 5 weeks or so ago was very high due to booze as was my resting heart rate...now normal) & thinking how i did not enjoy at all feeling like this! Woke up at 4am with that huge anxiety that you get & a dry mouth...& a panicky feeling. Next day in am felt very down (after all acohol is a depressant).
In a way I wanted to 'test' myself to see how i felt....which was crap! In an ideal world I could have one drink for the 'hit' but the sad fact is that I need so much now to acheive the 'hit' that I can't drink that much (would need i'd say 2/4 of a full 70cl bottle of spirits to maintain the 'hit' over an evening) every day as the health effects would kill me!!!
Ok....so day after my heavy night (monday) I would a few weeks ago have used this 'slip' as an excuse & bought more...WELL I DID NOT. Also...a few weeks back I'd have been anxious a bit & 'craving' a bit from 5-8pm...also my sleep would be crap...IT WAS NOT so certainly a victory on this! I just did not feel like repeating the previous night & realised how much i hated feeling/doing waht i did on the heavy Sunday night!
Last night however I DID have some vodka (not as much as Sunday & started at 7pm!)...reason???! Well without going in to to too much detail i gambled some money away that I should not have used...(still got more than enough to live on!)...so the 'excuse' was that I felt bad (a psychologist would maybe say I'm creating situations to 'punish' myself??!)...also my 'drinking' brain said 'well if i start at 7pm...a bit later...I can have less & still feel pleasantly pissed'.....WRONG! Again I need so much that the 1/2 bottle of 37.5% voddie I bought hardly had any effect after the 1st 20 minutes!!!
No hangover as such this am just that horrible 'down' feeling & that 'stressed' feeling of 'tension' (ie higher I'd guess than normal heart rate/BP)...will I have some tonight???NO! Will definately have none at all now till xmas day (& then that's only if a friend comes up to stay)...
Although the above to some people might look like i have a problem & have 'failed' I beleive its a VICTORY to me/my thoughts/relationship with alcohol. I'm certainly not the type of person that has one drink & will then drink all day/every day ....& certainly if say for example in say 4 months I had a works dinner or something I'd be quite capable of having a glass or 2 of wine at a social function & NOT then have to have loads more...
Anyway I'm waffling but feel for the 1st time I now understand my relationship with booze & am now in control & not addicted.....hope this makes sense!
NEVER before have I had a heavy night 7 the NEXT night been so chilled & not craving & SLEEPING well...all good stuff!
harry...how many weeks now (apart from your 1 night) has it been for you?
Hope you are well!