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Old 17-09-2009, 04:03 PM   #21
Labyrinth
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I'm glad to see people are ok to post here and the thread is getting attention (as in people are ok to post here for help etc, not teh fact so many people are suffering >_<)



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Old 19-09-2009, 12:00 PM   #22
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This is a great thread :)
I'm not... I dunno... I don't know how to describe myself? I drink. And I drink for the wrong reasons. I find it easier to deal with the relationship I'm in. I find I need a drink before I go to any social outings. I was even considering having a drink or two before a uni presentation :( That can't be healthy right?

I had a friend ask me yesterday not to drink last night because it always makes me upset. That's when it hit me and I thought oh dear... I mean just hearing it from someone else is like wow.. maybe..? So I didn't drink last night :) but i am tonight :S I would really like support because I don't want this to turn into something more :( I'm all for drinking socially but I think its beyond that now :( I don't know really. I'm a bit confused :S Sorry guys xxx





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Old 22-09-2009, 06:29 PM   #23
Ileana
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I recently started drinking. As recent as a year ago...but it quickly got out of control. I came to love the numbness and used it to escape my daily life. I began to drink almost every night, all by myself, after getting out of work. I'd go to work hungover and sick. Just before quiting my job I began to mix pills with alcohol and that landed me in the emergency room four times...and once in a psych ward for four days before I left AMA. I still drink when I feel bad and want to escape, like when I have a bad fight with my boyfriend or when I want to act normally in a social situation (like a party or hangout) because I'm really shy and awkward socially. I drank just three days ago. I'm not getting as drunk as I used to before the hospital stay...and not as frequently either, but I have drank after getting out of the hospital at least three times. I admit, I still like the way it makes me feel. I promised my boyfriend I would not drink again but I've broken that promise in three different occasions. I was wondering if I have a problem with alcohol...because it would seem like I do. Three days ago I had to study for a test but instead I drank rum while listening to music. It's all I wanted to do that day and that's not right, is it?

In fact, I think I wrote a lot of stupid stuff here while drunk...on the rant/vent area.

It's not right nor normal for a girl to walk to a liquor store in the middle of the night, after getting home from work, to buy a bottle of rum and a bottle of wine and before the sun comes out having drank all of it, all by herself. I know it's not right and it's scary to think about it....and even more to aknowledge I did that almost every night for months and I used to be the completely clean and sober, natural and vegan girl. I don't even recognize myself.
Whoa! I just remebered...I drank mouthwash (contains alcohol) one night when I had run out of rum. Now that is ****ing scary and weird.


Last edited by Ileana : 22-09-2009 at 06:43 PM.



"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.

"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."



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Old 22-09-2009, 11:28 PM   #24
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I'm failing to quit. I had two cans only left and started to panic without the thought of havin over 6, without over 6 I can't feel anything... So I paniced and gave in and bought more.



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Old 24-09-2009, 02:47 AM   #25
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i saw this thing today hat said 'i know my alcoholism is getting worse because i rotate shops to buy alcohol in so they dont thin bad of me'.

thats me.

i do that.

i rotate shops.

so they dont think bad of me.

but i didnt think i had a problem.

but maybe i do?

im drunk right now. iv been drunk fo r god knows how long many nights.

bur i didnt think i had a problem.

myabe i do..

i dot know...

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Old 24-09-2009, 11:33 AM   #26
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I too get drunk too often, or just need a drink.
i realised it was a problem when i began hiding it from my boyfriend and i drink alone in my room...
infact i am doing this now. i dont know how it got this bad and i dont know how i am going to stop, it is a catch 22... how will i cope without it?

its great to see people posting here, i have enjoyed reading peoples stories because it show i am not alone and neither is anyone else on this forum.
we can try to beat this together in our own time, when we are ready.
thank you for creating this thread.





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Old 24-09-2009, 01:34 PM   #27
Seraphsigh
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I've been sober for three months now, after drinking heavily ( and pretty much every day) for about ten years. It has been f-ing impossible half the time, but here I am! I also have been SI free the entire time. None of this has been easy. I had some physical withdrawl but mostly psychological...anxiety, depression, mood swings. Not cutting was also very difficult and still is. However, most of these feelings subsided and I am now able to work out problems clear headed...and it feels pretty good. And I'm no longer drunk and sobbing and si-ing every night.
Anyway the reason I'm saying this is if any of you want someone to talk to about getting sober or even considering it, please pm me. I'd love to help someone else sort their life out as well. I couldn't have done this without the help of others.

Take care,

D'Arcy
xo



Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae.

Lambchop, LadyMacbeth, Butterfly525, and Moonchild are my sisters. Ruffle is my daughter. That Faery Kid is my kitty!



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Old 24-09-2009, 07:10 PM   #28
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*hugs all*

Headrush, I do that too...

I want to reply to you all individually but can't at the moment, I'm sorry...




The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..


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Old 25-09-2009, 06:17 PM   #29
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I also rotate shops, come to think of it, I've been doing it for a while now. I've also stopped buying alcohol from one shop where I did stop rotating and went back to the same place instead. The guy behind the counter actually did start to ask me questions about my drinking and I felt so bad that I changed shops. Now I've gone back to rotating them.



Random radio ___________This spiral
Static on tv ____________Has worn a groove so deep
Losing count of _________Can’t climb out
All the days and weeks ___Pathetic, painful need

(survival is my victory.)

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Old 25-09-2009, 11:45 PM   #30
Labyrinth
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I fail. I'm still drinking heavily.



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Old 26-09-2009, 01:47 AM   #31
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you do not fail.
please dont think that you are a failure because you have not come to the point where you want to give up, or have the right resources to help you in recovering.
unfortunately with breaking the habit it takes a long time and can feel really useless if you cant see the results soon.
i also am not ready to become completely sober as i dont have the coping strategies to get me through.





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Old 30-09-2009, 03:58 PM   #32
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My name is Helen.
And I used to drink...stupid amounts of alcohol...I didn't drink to have fun with my mates.I drank to forget and get in a zone where what I thought about in my sober reality didn't come up.
But that meant I kept drinking more and more,and more frequently.
But as I take meds for epilepsy the alcohol wore off the effect of the meds.

I haven't drank in over a year.
But I still have days where I think **** it...and I would like to go down and buy myself a naggin of vodka or something and get wasted on my own.
Just to blank everything out.
But I don't I manage to hold out.

These cravings have gotten worse lately.

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Old 30-09-2009, 09:23 PM   #33
Zedebee
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Quote:
you do not fail.
please dont think that you are a failure because you have not come to the point where you want to give up, or have the right resources to help you in recovering.
unfortunately with breaking the habit it takes a long time and can feel really useless if you cant see the results soon.
I agree...


Helen, I can relate to what you've said in the first couple of sentences and I have to say it's amazing that you've gone over a whole year. Do you have any kind of support that can help with the cravings you're getting recently? Is there anything specific making them worse that you'd like to talk about?



I failed to go longer than 4 days. Longest since October anyway... I think it's getting worse but I can't stop it.




The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..


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Old 30-09-2009, 10:10 PM   #34
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I don't have any support system tbh because no body knows about my attitude towards alcohol.
Only one mate noticed how I treated alcohol.But we never spoke about it.
I know there is an AA group around the corner from where I live..but one of the priests that runs it is an old teacher of mine...and I couldn't face him.

I know what's making it worse.
I've been having flashbacks lately,panic attacks etc.

I remember whenever I used to go out I would have a couple of drinks before I went out because it would calm me down and I could talk to people much more easily.
Now I tend to be shy or I just don't go out as much.
Booze was my crutch.

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Old 30-09-2009, 10:29 PM   #35
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I've cut back significantly since I started back at uni, I think going out and having lectures is giving me a distraction as wells as things other than drinking to fill my time. I don't really know if I'm an alcoholic or not, in either case I spent this summer drinking unhealthy quantities.



Random radio ___________This spiral
Static on tv ____________Has worn a groove so deep
Losing count of _________Can’t climb out
All the days and weeks ___Pathetic, painful need

(survival is my victory.)

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Old 30-09-2009, 11:30 PM   #36
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I think I am trying way too much atm, I bough 5 bottles of wine tonight, jeez. they are for tomoz tho as well as tonight, I aint going to drink all 5 tonight, god I don't even think I could if I wanted to...

My CPN and GP think I have issues with binge drinkig, I don't drink every day but when my mood is down (like now) I certainly do start to binge out, like I am now :(

Sorry, I don't even think I have a problem, my dad drinks 4 days out of 7, never in the house but he goes out to get drunk when he goes, but is such a hypocrite when it comes to drinking in the house. My mum drinks the odd glass of wine , but since she broke her arm on a work night out a few years ago, I have never seen her drunk since them on holiday, xmas or at a wedding, I don't know how she does it, hve 1 glass of wine and that her, finito...enough...for me it needs to be a few bottles :(



Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
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Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys


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Old 01-10-2009, 05:01 PM   #37
bobbiwibble
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hmmm... not sure what to do. i havent drunk alone in over a week :D but im not sure how big a deal that is as i was with a friend for half of the week and drunk a lot with her. im trying to take baby steps, like at the moment i'm not allowed to drink AT ALL before 7pm, excluding birthdays and christmas. ive got some alcohol with me tonight and i feel like i could hold out longer, even though i really want to drink tonight. part of me feels like waiting until 9 o clock or 10 o clock to drink would be good, but then i'd be leaping ahead rather than sticking to the plan. also it would probably mean i got to sleep later.
what do people think i should do? :( ive had a stressful day so ive come to terms with the fact that im going to end up drinking tonight.


headrush, i dont really rotate shops but the week before last i went in to buy a bottle of wine and pretended to be on the phone and saying 'yeah i'll be back with the wine in a minute' so that they didnt think i was drinking it all myself.... same principal i suppose :(



heliotrope-lavender-candytuft-tulip-almond blossom-sycamore



Where do you turn when the night turns to singing
such sweet melodies and you flash your fin
then it's back to the depths where I cannot see you
but I built these towers just to honour you.....


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Old 01-10-2009, 05:15 PM   #38
Hollz
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I pretended to be on the phone once, and then it rang (beamer)



Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys


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Old 01-10-2009, 06:54 PM   #39
Labyrinth
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My drinking increased too much recently, and mum and the shop keepers noticed...

Now I feel bad, but i'm craving to drink right now.



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Old 01-10-2009, 07:07 PM   #40
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stay strong labyrinth :) x



heliotrope-lavender-candytuft-tulip-almond blossom-sycamore



Where do you turn when the night turns to singing
such sweet melodies and you flash your fin
then it's back to the depths where I cannot see you
but I built these towers just to honour you.....


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