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Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Letter To My Abuser (repost with an update)
"Dear Matt,
First of all I want to say “thank you,” because of our relationship I realized I needed God.
Because of God, I turned my life around. I stopped relying on guys to make me happy, now I am “engaged” to Him.
My last cut (forever) was on November 10, 2006. I am overcoming self-injury. It has not been easy, but it has been possible. I first had to make a promise to myself and to God that if I had any urges that I would talk to him or pray. So far, it has worked. I also had to stop making promises to other people, and relying on them for me to stop cutting.
Almost a year ago my life turned around. I was forced to move from Pennsylvania to my aunt and uncle’s house. Through her God healed me of my past. My wounds from my sexual assault was healed, and I was able to forgive you.
I am sorry for cussing you out that night; you didn’t need it nor deserve it. I am asking you to forgive me.
I really hope that you find the “right” women that God has picked out for you.
I am now writing a book about my cutting. I am hoping that this book will help other cutters and for them to realize that there is hope. When I was cutting I was so consumed with it that nothing else mattered. I didn’t care what anyone had to say.
I still have questions about what happened between us. I think I went the wrong way for getting closure.
I really hope that you continue to be happy and have a successful life.
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I had contacted him 4 years ago and cussed him out. I met him online and he was 26 and married at the time. I was 16. He was a pedophile. I had agreed to have sex with him, but it never happened. I still consider him an abuser because he was controlling and tried to take away my cutting. My mom found out about him and what we were talking about and I was ordered to stop talking to him. I reported him to the police a year later, but I don't think anything had ever happened."
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Tonight I talked to his ex wife. I met her 4-5 years ago when they were still married. I was supposed to meet him when I met her but he wasn't able to fly down here.
Well 3 years ago I came clean to her about what happened between him and I. She was thankful because she had no idea. At that time she informed me that he cheated on her and that she suspected that he was with another minor that was my age at the same time. She agrees that he needs to be arrested for what he did to me and that he is a pedophile. I also told her that he’s a pilot now and she goes “I guess donkeys to really fly.” I also found out that he hit her.
However, talking with her again tonight has shown me many things. For one, that the Lord has His ways of doing things for a reason. We may not understand our trials and tribulations while we are going through them, but one day we will. Two, we must ALWAYS trust in the Lord for He knows us our ways and what we are doing and going to do. We must never let go of God. We must trust in Him and all His ways, even if they do not make sense. We must pray for those who persecute us and love our enemies as ourselves (even if we do not want to). The Lord is peace, and the Lord loves us and sees us even where we stand. He knows the inner most thoughts of our hearts, and he wants us to always be in contact with him always.
By talking to her God showed me that He has healed me of my past. I don’t need a man to make me happy, because I have God. I have a future and a hope to look forward to.
Lastly, God amazes me every single day.
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