The other day I was home alone, my wife was out for the weekend and I’ve done it in the bath, seeing it flow out etcetera. Afterwards I saw Skeleton Twins. It was kind of funny and cool about suicide and mental disturbed-ness. Still kind of irritating, middleclass-ish, American movies, you know. Even so, in the end when *spoiler* one of the twins is saved by the other from committing suicide who understood … because he had been there himself and because he was his brother – I started to cry. I had just had a great day with my grown up sun, but I can’t talk to him. My wife goes crazy when I tried to bring it up. I missed my sister so much, she should have stayed, she would have understood. (She died a long time ago of anorexia.)
You don’t have to reply, I just wanted to write it down
[don’t know if I post this, but mods can move it to the right forum, I’m sure.]
Are you a twin? I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm a twin too, and I honestly couldn't think of anything worse than losing her. There are support networks for Twinless Twins - some of them are really good, and I really don't think anyone but a twin could understand.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
^No I'm not a twin, thanks for the advice anyway. I guess is must be even worse to miss someone that's so close.
^^ thanks Sketchy, sometimes you just have to get things out of your system ... and it feels good that somebody read it
I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. It can be terrible to lose a sibling (I too lost my brother years ago) and the gap they can leave is at times seems impossible to live with.
I'm glad it helped to write things out. Did you ever seek bereavement counselling or support for your sister? It was years after it happened but I briefly had some and it helped a little.
Take care,
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I realize I come here to seldom. Even if my reply is very late I would like to thank you, Patent Pending for the answer.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother. How did you cope? Are your RYL-appearance connected to losing him? if it’s OK to ask.
Somehow it is possible to live with the loss, but the mourning is there for ever – for me anyway. The first 10 years I hated her for leaving me behind, with our parents on my own.
And I’ve gone met shrinks several times over the years, it maybe help me. I’m still around.
Take care
I'm sorry that I don't have anything helpful to add, but I just wanted to post to say that I've read and leaving *hugs* if wanted. I also want to second Katie's suggestion of looking into specific bereavement counselling, as that may prove helpful for you.
(I see nothing crappy about your English by the way!)
Thanks for hugs, I like. Probably would counseling help when it happened, but you know it's decades ago now. And her death has been the subject for numerous of sessions with shrinks. It will always be there and come up to surface from time to time, without loosing its strength.
(about misspelling: kind of liked that I called my son "sun" - he really is)
Are you receiving any kind of counselling just now? It sounds like talking would help. I know you say it's been decades, but it is still a traumatic thing to go through and your feelings just now are just as valid.
Take care,
I realize I come here to seldom. Even if my reply is very late I would like to thank you, Patent Pending for the answer.
I’m sorry to hear about your brother. How did you cope? Are your RYL-appearance connected to losing him? if it’s OK to ask.
Somehow it is possible to live with the loss, but the mourning is there for ever – for me anyway. The first 10 years I hated her for leaving me behind, with our parents on my own.
And I’ve gone met shrinks several times over the years, it maybe help me. I’m still around.
Take care
Apologize for my crappy English
Hey,
Apologies for not replying sooner. I don't get on here as often as I'd like to.
To be honest, I was very young when it happened so I can remember very little about life before it was a part of me, and I didn't handle it all that well. I buried it for the sake of my family not seeing me affected by it which meant that some years later it surfaced and took a long time to face it. I guess part of my reason for being on here would be down to all of my experiences in life (I have experienced a lot of loss, particularly to suicide) and when it all resurfaced I turned to people who perhaps understood the dark place I was in.
Unfortunately, the gap they leave in our lives will always be a part of us, and there's no way around that, but acceptance in a strong force and can help you heal even a little.
The first time I started counselling due to this and MH issues it didn't help me, the counsellor suggested I was angry at him and I was punishing my parents by my behaviour (which neither were true and I took great offence to it). However, when I sought out specific bereavement counselling it was much more helpful and they were far more understanding.
I am around but not as often as I'd like, if you want to PM me I will always answer when I can.
Take care.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Would you like to talk about why it's complicated? Maybe we can help.
The complication is my partner. When it all started seven years ago I was in a really bad place and had started to harm myself. In my despair I opened up to her and it went quite well, I thought. We did some couple therapy and I had some personal to. But later she told me how she panicked and how terrified she’d been. She had fantasies about me harming our children, which was really offensive. To make it short she couldn’t cope with it at all. The problem was/is that she thinks she has suffered the most and is more fragile and I should be the stronger part in our relation. Me cutting myself unbalanced our relation and she said she was going to try it if I continued. To make a long story short I can’t seek help because she will find out (we have a common economy and she notice if I paid fees for therapy). I cope quit well as it is and I could take the drama if she’ll found out that I never stopped.
Dear Katie, your story is so similar to mine that I sometimes thought it was my own writing when I read it. Maybe I, in my 18th, wasn’t as young as you, but I can relate to hiding my feelings really well. My mom crashed so I didn’t have any choice. I have come through it with the help of some coping strategies that haven’t always been so good. Is seems as you’ve come out of it well and that you found a counselling that works.
Take care u2
hugs etc
PS. I was very angry at her the first ten years. Why did she leave me behind?
Okay that is complicated, and a lot of pressure for you to be under. Is there no way you can convince her you need to talk to someone? I don't know what country you are in, but what about helplines like the samaratins if you are in the UK.?
U are really amazing Sketchy, never giving up R u. For sure there are help-lines, haven't tried any IDK what to say. I'm into cutting myself, that's how I cope. It's probably bad, but it helps & get through the days, being overachieving at work - starting a high chef job next week.
So, why am I here? IDK maybe because here folks do what I do, it's accepted and not judged.
(& deep down inside I know I need to cope in another way)
- he really is)
