I don't want to but...

Bumf31 · 11-10-2012, 08:55 AM

so, 3 months ago me and my gf split, she was my support and shoulder and my life, she showed me that i didn't need to SI that i only needed a hug/love, but now she's ripped that away from me and now after 5 years of being free, i'm getting those urges back, i did have 1 person i could go to but they've moved away and texting them is not helping(they're a bit slow on the reply) i've noticed people have noticed that i'm wearing plasters ad asking what's under them and i'm giving the "infected bites" reason (i work in a garden centre, so most believe me) but there's one lady at work i can talk to and she knows everything, and last night she told me as she was leaving work that she was that worried about it she was going to go home and look up what i do to see if there's anything she can do to help, i normally am a cutter but recently my injuries are down to skin picking, picking at everything, every lump and slight scratch, and i'm scared that i'll slip deeper and return to cutting, which is why i'm here

sorry for long post

PassedExpectations · 11-10-2012, 03:36 PM

maybe part of what your ex gave you was the confidence in yourself to resist the urges. and now you've lost that self confidence and it is harder to resist... does that feel like it might be part of it? if it is, a big thing you need to do is rebuild your sense of capableness and knowledge that you can get through the urge. a big part of what you lost was your "cheerleader" in a way. but you can still go on and play the game without your cheering squad and learn to cheer yourself on, and not need someone else to do it so much

Bumf31 · 11-10-2012, 09:21 PM

Thanks Passed, i just feel really alone and the only thing thats keeping me going right now is work, so i'm putting all my effort and energy into working as much as i can, last week was 50 hours this week is near on 50 hours and i'm only happy at work, i have no home life and maybe doing all these hours at work is cos i'm scared to go home just incase i slip.

PassedExpectations · 12-10-2012, 01:44 AM

are there any other activities that you enjoy? the other thing about when a relationship ends is that it is usually important to not isolate yourself. if you keep yourself away from other people, you'll end up feeling lonely, and you'll have nothing to keep your mind from ruminating on the ended relationship. you've already found that staying busy is helping, maybe to make it easier you could try finding things to do that involve more people and having some fun.

Bumf31 · 12-10-2012, 07:15 AM

i've never been a very social person to be honest but i have booked to go on the xmas work do. i enjoy fishing so as soon as i can get a day off i'll grab someone and do that.

Bumf31 · 13-10-2012, 09:55 PM

Thats it i failed everyone, i slipped tonight i feel better but i also have the fact that i've gone and failed the 3 ppl that are in my life, how do i face them after i've done this, ive been in a bouncy hyper mood for about 3 weeks even tho i've just split up with the love of my life and my soul mate, and now i feel i'm on the way down, again.

PassedExpectations · 14-10-2012, 03:29 AM

it is normal to feel low after the end of a relationship, especially a serious one. you'll feel low for a while, but if you do healthy things, you'll soon start to feel better again. your mood is going in a valley and you'll get back up, not falling off a cliff that you'll never recover from.

Bumf31 · 15-10-2012, 10:03 PM

I've gone past feeling low, i've been in like a hyper mood with crap feelings and thoughts and i've tried distracting my self by doing 50 hours a week at work, it obviously hasn't worked very well, i've done 113 hours work in 15 days with one day off and i'm not tired not physically nor mentally, mentally i feel numb and i'm not sleeping very well, i'm getting about 40 minutes here and there over night and i'm sure it will eventually catch up with me, but right now i feel lost, and down, but i have made an appointment with my doctor to discuss stuff to see if she can help me, i just feel that i've let certain people down and that when one of them comes back off of holiday she'll be disappointed

and then theres the next dilemma of, if the doctor prescribes any kind of medication or diagnoses anything, do i have to inform work ( i work in a diy store and drive a fork lift at various times)

Bumf31 · 19-10-2012, 10:00 AM

i've just been to see the doc, she asked a few questions and wanted a score out of 3 for each question, i scored 18 which is apparently quite high, so she asked what i wanted to do, do i want tablets or do i want to see someone, she's referred me to a link worker and i have another appointment with the doc next week she seemed genuinely worried about me, so i'm not sure what to do, do i go for the tablets to take the edge off or chat to someone(both of which i'm useless at doing)

PassedExpectations · 20-10-2012, 02:09 AM

maybe you could do both? often the most effective treatment includes therapy and medication, at least for a while...