It doesn't sound like you're fine... it sounds like you're struggling. If you want to talk, we're here. :) I apologize if that sounded pushy... that wasn't the intended idea at all... :(
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I understand... not 100% - since, as I told another member, I'm not you - but I do understand. My ED got triggered at supper... and I'm a cutter as well, so I well understand SI urges. Stay strong... and I hope that you will have a break from all of the stuff that's going on with you atm. *gentle hugs* If you want to talk about what all is going on now, you can PM me or another person, or post here... talking might help.
Last edited by Scarletdreamer : 30-12-2009 at 01:08 AM.
Reason: adding stuff
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
I don't know where to begin with all my ****. I'm about to lose my job :( It was only a tempoary contract as it was a christmas temp job, but I want to stay sooooo much. I'm hoping to be asked to saty but I doube it.
My mental health is really giving me **** right now :'(
I miss my baby so much and I'm trying to help my friend (who lost hers) but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I know it takes time and you don't want to talk and stuff.
One of my best friends is going into hospital tomorrow for an operation and I don't want her in there yet again :( We probably won't talk much over next few days =( I was going to go up ther to be with her and look after her daughter but we had an argument and she kinda threw my offerback in my face and got her cousin to look after her baby.
Soooo much **** and I dont know how or where to begin explain and these irges are making it really difficult to do anything.
Sorry for what, sweetie? *holds you gently* There's no reason to be sorry. You have a lot of stuff going on right now... it must be **** to be pretty sure you're going to lose your job especially if you like it, and having the offer of taking care of your friend's daughter being thrown back in your face - ouch. Arguments with ANYONE are difficult to deal with, especially close friends.
I wish I could help more... never had a child, never lost one, so I can't say I totally understand that. I don't really understand the grieving process, actually, so I would make a rubbish grief counselor. (I've lost both sets of grandparents and a close second cousin, yet I haven't grieved for them... I feel so numb and cold when I think about them all...)
Is there anyone around IRL that you can talk with about your urges? In the meantime, try to distract yourself. I'm sure you know ways to do that... do some calming things as well. Have a cup of tea. Do something to help your body relax.
*more hugs*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
You're not whinging. You're simply talking about what's bothering you - and that is important to get out, partially just for the catharsis of telling someone, and partially so we can help support you better.
Yeh, I agree about arguments. Lol.
Is it difficult finding jobs where you live?
I hope I grieve sometime... I mean, it's been YEARS since my first set of grandparents died... and been almost a year and two years since my grandad and grandma (respectively) died... and only a month since that close cousin of mine died... shouldn't I be feeling something by now?!
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Grieve comes out in different ways. I should know >.< I feel like I've never really grvied for my granddad (he died when I was 1) and my aunty (she died when I was 7). So I know. Plus when I thought a friend had commited suicide (turned out to eb a massibe lie) I didnt 'grieve' for over a week...
It is hard to find jobs, espically with this stuipd recession.
Gonna go to bed now. Am really tired... plus, I want a little "me" time before I go to sleep, so will probably read. Love you all... hang in there and keep fighting.
♥
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
*hides in the corner under a nice dark blanket* I'm not feeling too good. very triggered but not sure why. i cant think of anything else. I was weak but it wasn't quite enough. i don't know. i just don't know
had dinner ridiculously late... break rules. should punish =\
and dad made me feel wicked guilty for screwing my aunt out of money cuz of grades [she cosigned for loan]... but liek... i really did try this semester i just =\ and then he said i didnt care b/c i hadnt apologised to her or called her when i was doing bad during the semester... uhm because i hate confrontation/it woulda getted back to my parents even if she said it wouldnt/she doesnt get it >< meh =[
and then hes only letting me use computer at night til 11.... it wont help sleep earlier... just means hafta deal with thoughts and urges and cant type out... and meh. and hafta take a shower every morning/wake up at 9... dont like showers in day time and dont liek be up so early when gots nuffing to do... meh =[
*cries in corner and clings to teddy*
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
*gently hugs helen* You are not **** and please don't be sorry about posting. Things sound really rough for you right now. It's okay to vent/talk about it if u want to. I lost my job a few weeks ago, it sucked... and the funny thing is, i wasn't even getting paid and i was laid off :-O (apparently, they didnt need people to stay on next semester at the lab i was working at).
*hugs april* i know that it doesnt feel like it, but its good that you can't purge. Sorry that your ED is so triggered right now. You've never been to party *throws a mini one right here so you can say you have- passes around drinks and blasts music*
*cuddles kiera*
*offers blankets and pillows to both scarlett whore and horseridinbbe* Hang in there.
The party was cancelled so i obviously didn't go. Just watched a movie to distract myself. I'm not sure it worked, actually i think it just made me annoyed at my sister who asked 3000 questions about it. Anyway, i'm stupid.. I sometimes feel like a broken record on here... sorry if my posts are just annoying. I should shut up.
<3
forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past - buddy wakefield
*gently cuddles Helen* - I wish I had some words for you darl. Just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you some warm thoughts ... Not to help you get through everything but just to get through each day.
April - sometimes grief takes an awful long time to come out. I must confess that I haven't grieved for my step-grandad because I have not accepted that he is dead. He passed away about 10 years ago but to me he is not dead. When I go to my grandmothers place I know that he won't be there, but my brain just tells me that he's somewhere else.
*hugs Kiera gently* - Sorry I have no words at the moment hun. Just wanted you to know that I read and am thinking of you.
*hugs Franz* - Thanks for the teddy. :D
*gently cuddles Jocelyn* - Sorry to hear that you've been so triggered. How are you feeling now?
*hugs Heather* - Sorry about the situation with you aunt, the loan and your dad making you feel guilty. Sending warm wishes your way.
*hugs Laura* - Your posts are not annoying darl. Don't shut up please, keep letting yourself release what you need to release. This is a safe place, and that is what it is here for.
I opened up to my housemate this afternoon for the first time about what has really been going on with me. He advanced that idea that my ED might have returned without my knowing it - due to the regular and consistent vomitting. He told me to get a new GP. I think though that I'll give my GP one more chance because I'm not 100% sure what got through to him. Like I'm pretty sure that I didn't tell him I was vomitting my meds - not because I didn't want to but because I wasn't able to communicate properly. I spoke to a pharmacist about what was going on today and was talking about trying to get an antiemetic ... they said that at the present point in time they didn't think I'd be able to keep any of the available antiemetics down long enough for them to work. :( Meh. I've had an okay day today. Am going to try some dinner in a little bit. Just going to take things easy. I am going to write my grandmother a letter though ... I've been meaning to do that since my birthday (September).
*curls up in a corner clutching a teddy bear and tries to go to sleep*
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
*hugs Heather* sorry hon, that sounds awful (I'll be praying for u sweets)
Kahlia, that makes sense. Its good that u've thought about changing your gp if u cant get through to him this second time - are u going to book an appointment? *gently squishes you*
*echos Kahlia* Laura you are not annoying, you are not stupid and you should not shut up sweetie. Maybe its a good thing that the party was cancelled, it's not a good idea to drink when you're feeling triggered, i know from recent experience. I'm sorry watching the film with your sis didn't help :( *offers cuddles*
April - *sending you big snuggly cuddles and lots of love* how are you feeling sweetie? sorry i'm way too tired to try to catch up but i hope u didn't have too bad a time last night x x x
I'm feeling quite sore this morning. I'd been distracting myself for a week and i don't think my mind could last any longer. I've got a plan, one of the good ones, going to keep a record of when i feel triggered so that instead distractions i can concentrate on keeping safe during those periods or avoiding situations. I don't know but it's worth a try huh?
I went to the pub last night to see some old school friends and it seemed to turn into a bit of a school reunion as we kept seeing people. It wasn't great. I'd taken the mrs and it should have been just quiet drinks with nearest and dearest and instead i ended up coming out to a load of people i don't really mind if i never see again! Hmph, I felt really bad for my girlfriend, i would have hated that if i was her. We didn't stay too long though so that was ok
How is everyone today? *serves tea and toast and reminds people to sign up for cottage pie! :P *
Jocelyn - Yeah I have an appointment with him next Wednesday but I'm going to try and make it earlier. It would be good to have it on Monday.
She shouts, she screams, she smashes your dreams . . .
Would you mind if I killed you? Would you mind if I tried to?
'Cause you have turned into my worst enemy,
You carry hate that I don't feel: It's over now WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
* Proud Plumeria Sister * My Support Thread * I got lei'd in vets *
* My RYL Family: big brother Doikers; little sisters MammaMia & flutterby butterfly *
Don't really have any words of support for anyone. I'm sorry. I know I should be more supportive, espically as I whinge and sound like such a broken record all the time. *sighs*
Think I have come down with a cold after all. Wish it'd make its mind up though whether I have one or not. I keep sneezing all the time, and my nose runs a bit. Ugh. Been coughing so much over last few days =( My mum has a cough, so we joked she's shared it back with me. But my throat feels so rough today :/
Can't be bothered to go to work later. Going out before I do which will probably make me want to go even less. What's the point when it's my last day tomorrow?? :( I don't even see my Dad tonight like normal. Silly man double booked himself, don't know how when he ALWAYS sees me on Wednesdays. Perhaps he's punishing me too?? For being in so much agony on Boxing day that I couldn't go out with him. If so, he doesn't need to. I can punish myself thanks. :/
My best friend is going into hopsital today. She said she'd text me in the morning before she went in. As her cousin (who's looking after her baby) will keep hold of her phone for her til tomorrow evening. But no text so far, I think I pissed her off pretty badly yesterday. God I ****ing suck. Our relationship is really rocky, espically at the moment :( Maybe some time apart will help?
Sorry, I really didn't intend to make a post to whine. I'm so sorry :(
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