If it's early signs, book him in for further testing, but he is allowed to make choices for himself.
If he is not capable of making those choices, a guardian of some type needs to be appointed for him.
As for the wife, can she sign for him? How competent is she?
Get social work involved (for the decision making capacity), get PT/OT involved (muscle weakness), and get the patient (if he can make the choice) to sign for medical folks to talk with the son (to head off HIPAA violations). If the patient can't make choices, and his wife is too far gone to make choices, identify next-of-kin, which should be the son.
Basically, for choices, depending on how competent everyone is it should be: Patient --> wife --> son.
Sometimes the best choice is the nursing home. Sometimes it's not. Generally when I hear that someone will just stay home with someone who is demented, I give it six months, tops. It's an incredible strain and most people don't quite get it. Even if son will stay with his parents, make sure they have services at home to keep in touch so he doesn't drown.
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