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Old 14-02-2019, 02:24 PM   #1
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Feeling like you must have lied/exaggerated/misled

How do you deal with it when a mental health professional takes you seriously and arranges to follow you up and stuff? I had an appointment with a psychiatrist in my new area the other day and I genuinely feel like I must have misled him, because he's seeing me again and is referring me for an emotional regulation skills group, which is the first step towards DBT. It's not like I deliberately said anything to exaggerate, I was truthful, but I was so expecting to just be discharged that I'm now struggling to make sense of it and feel like I can't have justified this reaction.

I think it's also made me think on some level that maybe things are/have been more serious than I realised or maybe acknowledged. Which is difficult. I don't know. I'm just doubting myself.





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Old 14-02-2019, 06:09 PM   #2
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I think I understand what you mean. He's a different professional and you are new to him so he will likely make some different decisions to the people who supported you in the past. I'm glad you were truthful, that's the best thing to be. That way hopefully you can get the right support for you. I know sometimes things happen that are the opposite of what you're expecting and that feels like a shock because you haven't prepared for it. Would you be able to ask the psychiatrist what his opinion is? You are inside of you and might perceive things differently to other people but that doesn't mean your views are wrong or that you're not acknowledging things. Of course maybe you have been fighting so much that you can't see how much you're struggling. Do you know how people close to you feel you are doing at the moment? I understand it must feel really strange to have someone have an opinion of you that is way different from what your own opinion is and it's natural to doubt yourself (or to doubt others). I hope you can find a comfortable way to process things.





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Old 14-02-2019, 07:12 PM   #3
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I can ask him what his opinion is when I next see him, it might be quite different because he may have a copy of my notes from where I was living before by then, which should have stuff relating to my diagnosis (which they changed when I was living there) and other parts of my history.

I don't think it's that I've been fighting so hard that I can't see how I'm struggling, but I do think that I've dialled life down a lot to make it manageable (which is something I did manage to say to him and which he understood). So it used to be that I fought a lot harder and struggled more and that was when the bad stuff happened... but I've only been living this way since October, so it may be a bit early to say that given that I typically go at least six months between incidents of self harm.

The people around me think I'm doing fairly well at the moment, on the whole, but the friend who came with me said they don't think I exaggerated the severity of past self harm. That's the bit I'm most worried about having misled them over. Like, the psychiatrist saw the kind of thing I was talking about as severe but to me it's kind of normal, like I just accept it? It sucks that I do/have done that stuff to myself, but it's how it is. Whereas I think it was a big factor in him deciding to follow me up in clinic and to refer me for the group.

I hope this makes sense.





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Old 14-02-2019, 08:16 PM   #4
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Hi Eska. I've read this several times now and have been trying to find a way to respond but I think you summed up what I was thinking - about how it all becomes sort of normal.

I've not been diagnosed by professionals or anything and probably part of the reason for not seeking help is that it might make it "real" by having someone else confirm that I need help. I often struggle with feeling like I'm making it all up or lying somehow so I think I get how you feel right now (don't want to presume though so correct me if I'm on the wrong track). I'm sorry I can't offer any advice as to how to deal with it though.

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Old 15-02-2019, 10:18 AM   #5
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Thanks np.

Yeah, I often have the feeling that I'm making it up and turning it into a problem and being dramatic. I guess I'm just feeling a bit mixed up at the moment because having a mental health professional react like that makes me kind of have to stop and reassess and things I've brushed off come back into focus. That and it's confusing because it's different to the way I was treated in the old area - back there I was told I wouldn't qualify for DBT and then discharged from services. I think that's a big part of what makes me think I must have exaggerated this time.

It's kind of daunting to have the impression that someone thinks that hey, yes, if I put work in then there is more hope for me, scope for future bad times to be less bad. Daunting and overwhelming and I don't know what I did for someone to think positively of me like that - not just in a "hey you are capable of stuff, why aren't you achieving more?" way but in a way that takes into account the difficult times and still says yes, I think there are realistic ways things could be better. I was so prepared to have that one appointment and then walk away and get on with my life as it is... It's just an adjustment, I guess. And I am incredibly grateful at the same time. I just daren't have that kind of hope.

I'm also a bit worried about swinging it with work. At the moment my managers and colleagues and people know nothing about my mental health history, so it would involve disclosing that and then negotiating how to get the time off to go to group and stuff and I don't know how that will go down. A lot of it rests on chance factors like what day of the week the sessions are on, because some are much busier in work than others... I don't know.





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Old 15-02-2019, 10:33 AM   #6
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All doctors react in different ways. I can't give examples of mental health professionals but when I moved area a few years ago I suddenly was given new treatment options for diabetes. It wasn't that my control had got worse, it was just that either my old doctor was maybe a bit blasť or just didn't have the treatment options available in that area. Maybe try to see it as a positive thing, a new opportunity, rather than it representing how you're doing.

Also I'm sure you don't need to tell your work the reason you need time off for regular appointments?

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Old 05-03-2019, 07:18 PM   #7
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Bumping this because I realised I never replied to nonperson (sorry) and also to update...

Np, I think you're right that different professionals in different areas have different attitudes and that I should see this as a chance. I'm coming around to that idea, and to the likelihood of the eupd diagnosis.

I did speak to my manager, just mentioned that I had seen a doctor from the mental health team who had referred me for a course and that I would let him know when I had more details by way of dates and times etc.. He seemed to take it well, he just asked whether there was anything they could do (and I think I confused him by saying no, everything is fine).

It was probably a good thing I did speak to him because I have another appointment on Monday to get stitches out (I was in A&E at the weekend). It's first thing so I'll only miss an hour or so of work. The A&E nurse told me to call the CMHT so I did that yesterday but that made me feel like I was kind of just contacting them for attention because there's nothing particular they could do about it, and because it was fairly minor anyway... I spoke to the duty worker and she said she would pass it on to the doctor. I've been sent another appointment with him which is for June. I feel like I'm going to end up hurting myself again before then. I don't know.





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Old 06-03-2019, 06:52 PM   #8
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It's ok to contact the CMHT to let them know what has been going on, plus the A&E nurse suggested it so it must have seemed important to them. The more the CMHT know the better they can support you hopefully. Do you think the June appointment is too far away? Could you ask if it could be moved forward or if you could have some other support in the meantime?





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Old 06-03-2019, 07:19 PM   #9
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Thank you, Lindsay. I know that given that it's what I was told to do it must have been the responsible thing, but it just feels like I shouldn't have. I don't know why.

I'm reluctant to ask for more from the CMHT - I think because I just want to get on with self-destruction? Amongst other things I know that I can combine that with my normal life, whereas appointments and stuff interrupt things and I want to be able to carry on like everything is fine. I also don't know what kind of help/support/input would make any difference. All that plus I would feel for taking up resources I don't deserve.





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Old 07-03-2019, 06:22 PM   #10
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I understand what you mean, and I'm sorry that you feel so undeserving because you are very deserving of support. Appointments etc can take up a lot of time and effort but they would hopefully be more helpful in the long run than if you carried on with self destruction. Maybe now that you have a different treatment team they would be able to offer something different and see possible solutions that might not have been considered before. How would you feel about telling someone what you have said here - about wanting to get on with self destruction/not knowing what will help/feeling like you don't deserve resources?





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Old 11-03-2019, 05:29 PM   #11
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That would have been the wise thing to do :(

I’m in (medical) hospital now. Struggling not to discharge myself. They said the doctors would be around today to review me but no one has come. The on-call doctor is in theory seeing me at some point? Other than that it will be tomorrow, and psych liaison at some point. I’ve no idea when.

I called in sick this morning and my manager was kind of taken aback but was good about it.





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Old 11-03-2019, 06:18 PM   #12
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It's so annoying when doctors leave you waiting. What do you think psych liaison will say? What do you want to happen? I hope you get whatever you need.





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Old 11-03-2019, 06:21 PM   #13
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A student nurse just came and sat with me for a bit which has made me feel a little better.

I have no idea what psych liaison will say. Pretty much just expecting them to write to the CMHT to update them and possibly get my June appointment brought forward? I don't know though. I don't know what they could do or offer or suggest.





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Old 11-03-2019, 06:25 PM   #14
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I'm glad you had some supportive company. Are the staff ok, although I'm guessing they will be quite busy? Are you keeping in touch with people in your life? I hope psych liaison will offer you something useful, if you can think of anything that would help right now then please let them or someone else know.





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Old 11-03-2019, 06:32 PM   #15
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The staff are lovely. Everyone has been so kind, even though yes they are busy.

I am keeping in touch with some friends and they are being supportive and sweet and wonderful. One came on Saturday and sat with me for ages while I was in A&E and then on the ward once they'd found me a bed. There are others I've chatted to a bit but haven't told what's happening, nor my family.

I don't know what would help. I'm tired and guilty and scared.





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Old 11-03-2019, 06:38 PM   #16
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Good staff are very important and I'm glad you have some friends you're able to be honest with.

It's understandable how you're feeling, especially with all the tough emotions and probably less sleep since you're in hospital. That's a difficult combination. Let people help you if they can, maybe wait and see what psych liaison offer (or don't) and see how that feels to you at the time. You deserve to feel better.





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Old 11-03-2019, 06:51 PM   #17
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Thank you, Lindsay. I really appreciate you being so lovely.





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Old 11-03-2019, 07:08 PM   #18
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You're more than welcome. I really wish things would start looking up for you. Please keep posting if it helps.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 12-03-2019, 09:09 AM   #19
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One of the doctors on the ward is someone I know from climbing. Awkward. I don't think she's dealing with me though.

Still waiting for the doctors to see me. And for psych liaison. Lots of doctors are around now seeing other patients so maybe it won't be long?

I've asked my manager to bring me a toothbrush (he's based on the next corridor along, even though I work in a different hospital) because they don't have any on the ward. It's a weird situation. He is being lovely though.





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Old 12-03-2019, 02:54 PM   #20
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It is quite an awkward feeling when you know people in a medical setting from another area of your life. I'm glad your manager is close by, a toothbrush is essential! Have you seen a doctor yet?





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