Shook it! 2+ Months!
I never imagined that I would ever be using this forum. Up until recently I was convinced that I would never get by without self injuring. When I was asked to try to stop, I agreed and tried, but never really meant it. Nothing about me changed, I simply delayed the act.
I won't write an essay on everything that transpired up until this point, but basically I was able to force myself out of it. I quit wallowing in uncomfortable urges and emotions as I found a way to tell myself to bluntly toughen up. I have my future ahead of me. and If this year is going to be better than last something has to happen from within me, and I'm now willing to let that happen. I'm not saying that I won't ever relapse--in fact I'm expecting to--but now it's not the thought of relapse and getting that fix driving me forward. It's the accomplishment of facing each day with new strength and independence that fuels me up with motivation and just keeps me going. At this moment I don't ever want to fall into that rut of self-loathing and chest burning, head pounding, physically exhausting negativity again. Of course it still could happen, but now I'm thrilled to say that I've been living SI free for 2+ months and just maybe this accomplishment will be enough to keep me from going back.
sorry for any gibberish, overwhelming happiness and jet lag produce some funky thinking
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