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Old 05-01-2019, 07:32 PM   #81
not_so_insig
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I know that when I am bad I can only deal with sealed food and drink that I have opened myself. If someone else prepares it or even opens it then I cannot eat it. So a sealed can of coke is ok but a cup of tea isn't. Do you think that if it's sealed e.g. a prepared sandwich you could eat it provided you open it?

I don't know if you are having visitors but could you ask your mum or nanny to bring some home cooking e.g. pasta? You don't seem to have a problem with their cooking so if you know only they have cooked it/touched it that it feels safe? Unless they have a food flask it will be cold but it's better than being forced with a ng tube.



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Old 05-01-2019, 07:46 PM   #82
Cacoethes
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I had another cup of tea today.
Because I had an awful headache and they said drinking would help.

I'm ok otherwise Camden.

It's not that I think the food is contaminated.
My blood is contaminated and not eating and drinking will kill the contamination.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 05-01-2019, 07:52 PM   #83
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Contaminated with what, why and how? =/

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Old 05-01-2019, 08:11 PM   #84
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Beckie, I get what you're saying and I understand it's not the food itself but the issue is within your body.

However, at this point the larger issue is that you're in a psych hospital under a section, and they're threatening to force nutrition and fluids if you don't start eating and drinking on your own.

I'm REALLY glad you had another tea. I think you were right to trust staff that you will physically feel better in the long run for eating/drinking.

I guess my confusion right now is that you don't seem to think the contamination has gotten any better, and you haven't been eating/drinking. What makes you think you can trust the voices that what they are saying about how the contamination works is true? Because again, what you're saying about how it works has no physical or medical logic that I'm aware of, and it doesn't sound like in the past the voices have given you trustworthy advice. What makes you so sure that this information is accurate and can be trusted right now, when your situation otherwise seems to be saying very much the opposite?

I'm not trying to say I doubt your fear, distress, or that this is easy. I don't imagine it is. I guess I'm only wondering if at least any part of you can question right now whether the fears and information about the contamination are indeed reasonable, given that right now they seem to only be harming you, and not helping you or making the contamination better.

Also, if you do eat/drink and don't get a blood transfusion, what in theory would happen? What would being contaminated do/mean?



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 06-01-2019, 09:47 AM   #85
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Honestly I don't know
I don't know about any of it
I don't really want to think about it too much tbh

My blood sugar nearly dropped to the threshold last night but I'm back in the safe zone this morning.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 06-01-2019, 10:59 AM   #86
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If they're taking your blood every day surely they would notice if it was contaminated? I know that all of this must be so confusing and distressing and frustrating for you. At least keep going with the drinking when you can.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 06-01-2019, 11:17 AM   #87
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It could just not show up in a blood test
And they are only testing for certain things

Im trying to drink a bit more



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 06-01-2019, 06:05 PM   #88
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Sorry, I didn't mean to stress you out or scare you. It's okay if you're not up to handling certain things right now. I hope you can keep drinking, that sounds really good!



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This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 06-01-2019, 06:11 PM   #89
one_step_closer
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Sorry for all the questions but, what symptoms do you have (if any) that would be out of the ordinary and worrying? Are you solely going on what the voices have said?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 06-01-2019, 06:53 PM   #90
Cacoethes
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Thanks Camden
I had a cup of tea today.

What do you mean Lindsay?
Symptoms of contamination?

I'm feeling quite stressed out
Been looking for things to cut with but there is literally nothing. And I'm usually very good at finding things.
Had a shower to try and calm myself down
I want to throw things at the wall but I know I shouldn't do that



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 06-01-2019, 07:15 PM   #91
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Can you tell staff that you're feeling that way? Maybe they can help you come up with a safer way to release some stress/frustration? Or find you a stress ball or something you can chuck at the wall without getting in trouble lol!



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Old 06-01-2019, 07:25 PM   #92
Cacoethes
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They're all busy doing notes.
It's very nearly handover time
Could talk to night staff though
Im listening to very loud music and that is helping
I will ask for some lorazepam when the night staff come on



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 07-01-2019, 04:16 PM   #93
one_step_closer
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How are you doing today?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cacoethes View Post
What do you mean Lindsay?
Symptoms of contamination?
Yes, that's what I mean. Also, how will you know when the contamination is gone? How long does it take to starve it out?

I hope you are still managing to drink at least.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-01-2019, 04:44 PM   #94
Cacoethes
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Things have gone to shit a little bit.
I've collapsed twice so I am now on 1-1
The staff keep telling me that they are all very concerned
Saw a physical health nurse who told me I need to drink af least 6 glasses of water a day which seems totally impossible.
They keep telling me my organs will shut down.
I'm sick of this place.
I hate it.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 07-01-2019, 05:44 PM   #95
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I think you need to trust that the staff and physical nurse are right about what is going on with you physically and that the dangers and concerns are valid. It all matches up with things I've been told and seen as well, if that makes any difference (also referring to what's in your rv as well). I'm sorry things are not going well but I am glad they are trying to keep an eye on you.



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Old 07-01-2019, 06:00 PM   #96
Cacoethes
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My blood sugars have gone down again.
I'm hoping they're just bluffing about hospital like they were last night



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 07-01-2019, 06:19 PM   #97
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They're not bluffing, Beckie. They won't just let you starve yourself to death so you will definitely end up in hospital if you don't eat something soon. I know neither of those seem like good options but if you don't want to go to hospital, if you want them to leave you alone and if you want to go home you're going to have to give some food or water a try.


Last edited by nonperson : 07-01-2019 at 07:16 PM.
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Old 07-01-2019, 07:00 PM   #98
Cacoethes
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I don't think I'm going to hosptial now
But they did restrain me and inject me with some glucose type thing
I'm not letting them take my blood sugars now.
If they don't know what it is, they can't do this shit.
I am pissed.



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 07-01-2019, 07:24 PM   #99
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I understand feeling pissed off. They are treating you for the things that they can see are not good for your well being at the moment. If they can't see what you think is wrong then they can only go on the tests that they have been doing.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 07-01-2019, 08:25 PM   #100
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They can restrain you to do blood sugars if they feel it’s necessary. Ultimately, you have control over eating and drinking but that’s about it. I know that’s shit but it’s reality. You said the coke from paramedic was safe because you were in a medical hospital...you’d be in a medical hospital if you were to have infusions, so I’m a little confused. Perhaps you could help us understand? What does your mum think you should do?





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