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Old 22-07-2018, 06:30 PM   #1
tamobhuuta
 
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Things the voices say

I am hours away from being 3 weeks free from doing what the voices say.

They are SO much quieter than before clozapine and I have stopped believing what they told me about the poison and the implant but they can still tire me out. When I was going for a blood test one of them was on and on at me to run for it, even though I had no idea where I was or where to go. I ended up talking to him in the car under my breath and I'm worried the crisis team lady noticed and thinks I'm mad.

Has anyone been to rehab for severe and enduring mental health conditions?

PS this evening I'm having these thoughts about doing something. I don't think it will kill me and I don't want brain damage so please can you help me ignore the thoughts?


Last edited by tamobhuuta : 22-07-2018 at 07:37 PM. Reason: PS
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Old 22-07-2018, 07:55 PM   #2
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You are doing so well, and I'm really pleased to hear that your treatment is helping. I think it was better for you to talk under your breath than to do what the voices were saying, no matter how you think you might have been perceived. If the crisis person knew what you were doing then I'm sure she would have also thought you were being strong.

I have never been in rehab but I've met a couple of people who have and it has really benefited them. I hope someone can offer you some personal insight.

Avoiding brain damage is a strong motivator for not giving in to the thoughts. Keep that at the front of your mind. You have been standing up to the voices for 3 weeks so I'm sure you can challenge this. What might you be able to occupy yourself with?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 22-07-2018, 08:11 PM   #3
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I just saw someone from the Crisis Team and I was thinking about telling her but couldn't. I don't want to be attention seeking. Well I know this is attention seeking but you can ignore it if you want. And I came up with a million other reasons not to tell her.

To stay safe tonight I am going to stay around my family and distract with music and telly.

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Old 22-07-2018, 08:30 PM   #4
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It's a shame you felt unable to tell the crisis lady, I don't think telling her would have been attention seeking in a negative way. It sounds like you're really trying hard and getting some support with things isn't attention seeking. It sounds like you have a good plan for tonight, I hope it helps. Will you be able to get in touch with someone tomorrow if you need to?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 22-07-2018, 09:31 PM   #5
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Someone will be coming to see me in the morning because I'm still titrating onto clozapine so they do my obs twice a day. I am trying so hard to be good. It's not any voices today though which is better.

Edit: it's now the presence as well. He wants me dead, says I deserve it. But I can't do that or my sister might copy me. I need to stay safe but...

Edit 2: I told L I wasn't doing well but couldn't tell her more than that. I MUSTN'T TAKE X TO MY ROOM.

please help


Last edited by tamobhuuta : 22-07-2018 at 11:22 PM. Reason: Add a bit
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Old 22-07-2018, 11:27 PM   #6
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I think I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow. Would it be acceptable to tell her about this?

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Old 23-07-2018, 03:33 PM   #7
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I made it! I didn't do what he told me. The same voice is butting in occasionally, telling me tonight's the night. I told the psychologist and she said I was doing well. I need to tell the crisis team, I know, but I don't know what to say. Could I write a note?

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Old 23-07-2018, 05:17 PM   #8
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Well done for talking to the psychologist, you are so strong. I definitely think writing a note for the crisis team would be a good idea if you think you won't know what to say verbally. You can do it. Keep reaching out for the support you need and deserve.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 23-07-2018, 09:40 PM   #9
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I did give the nurse the note but I am worried about it now.

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Old 24-07-2018, 01:44 PM   #10
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I had to go for a blood test and the Crisis Team guy took me. The Man was going crazy, telling me just to excuse myself and then kill myself. Why does he want me to do that? I don't want to die. I told him it was a rubbish plan and I wanted to have the blood test then carry on with meds, carry on fighting him. I was muttering to him again, but i don't think the CT person noticed. At least, he didn't comment on it.

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Old 24-07-2018, 02:00 PM   #11
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If you died, wouldn't he die too?

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Old 24-07-2018, 02:16 PM   #12
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With my sensible head on I know he is just a voice, a symptom, but once he gets going he feels so real. He used to make sense but now my head has a bit more thinking space I can see that he often/always talks rubbish. Right now I'm not sure if he would die if I died. He's just a voice, right?

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Old 24-07-2018, 02:55 PM   #13
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He is just a voice. But when he's telling you to die then what would he gain from that? Might help you not to take him seriously if you think about it like that. Even when you haven't got your sensible head on that shouldn't make any sense. I'm glad you can see he does always talk rubbish though!

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Old 25-07-2018, 02:41 AM   #14
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clozipine changed my life. I hope it helps you.

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Old 29-07-2018, 06:09 PM   #15
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Thanks

I went to the corner shop all by myself and didn't give in when the Man was talking c***

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Old 29-07-2018, 07:22 PM   #16
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Very well done :) You show him who's boss.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 29-07-2018, 07:51 PM   #17
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Ive been on clozapine for over 3 years now and it saved my life. I saw you said they're titrating it so stick with it, there's every chance that as clozapine goes up voices will go down.
I spent 9 months in rehab and it defo helped me know how to keep myself safe, how to structure my days and function 'normally'
Good luck!




This is Marvin, He is my Be Safe Bee.


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Old 29-07-2018, 08:58 PM   #18
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Thank you both. I was on clozapine for years before this and it did help, when tweaked or augmented.

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Old 01-08-2018, 12:27 PM   #19
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I have been discharged from the Crisis Team

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Old 01-08-2018, 05:49 PM   #20
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That's great. You are working so hard and I hope you recognise that. Remember people are still there if you need them though. Take care.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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