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Old 23-12-2018, 01:05 PM   #21
Icecube. Swirls
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That's good that it has been hidden without you asking.

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Old 23-12-2018, 07:53 PM   #22
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While I'm sure it must feel pretty awful to know that was done without your consent, it sounds like them being hidden can hopefully be a positive thing for you, and that others are recognising that you could use some support with that regards.



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Old 26-12-2018, 04:24 PM   #23
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I am eating so much I am scared I am losing control...

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Old 27-12-2018, 07:19 PM   #24
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The thing is, you were never in control. I remember something Jodie once said in an RV: you don't 'have an eating disorder', it has you. Your body and your mind need you to be eating lots more than you usually eat so this is a good thing.

Try to focus on what a 'good life' would look like to you; I bet it doesn't have an eating disorder in it. And to get there, you have to eat more.



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It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 27-12-2018, 07:51 PM   #25
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I FEEL so out of control though. I ate my normal amount today but it feels way too much. Everyone is going to start telling me how fat I am and judge me for being greedy.

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Old 28-12-2018, 11:36 AM   #26
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I can understand where you're coming from and I know that eating disorders can at times give you the feeling that you're in control, but overall, that's just not true.

Has anyone ever told you that you are fat or greedy? I'm not sure you have any reason to think that those things would happen. Firstly, you are neither fat nor greedy, and secondly I don't think you surround yourself with people who would make comments like that!



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
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Old 29-12-2018, 04:28 PM   #27
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No, you're right they wouldn't say or think that. It's just, when I was on clozapine before I did gain lots of weight, even though I ate healthily and exercised. That scares me, although I suppose it's not a lot to pay to be free of the voices etc.

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Old 01-01-2019, 12:45 AM   #28
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Yeah, I can appreciate that that must feel scary. I think if you were in a more healthy place ED-wise (both physically and mentally) the professionals would be more willing to engage in conversation about clozapine weight gain. Once you were at a healthy weight, they could work with you to find ways to manage potential weight gain in a healthy way.

You're also right that clozapine made such a clear difference to your life and mental health that some weight gain doesn't outweigh (pardon the pun!) the benefits at all!



We値l find a way to fight it, we always have.
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:09 PM   #29
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They said they just wanted me to be a healthy weight. I'm now a healthy BMI but they want me to eat MORE.

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Old 02-01-2019, 11:13 PM   #30
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Have they given you a reason? Maybe your interpretstion of a healthy BMI isn’t the same as theirs?



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Old 03-01-2019, 01:07 PM   #31
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Mum says it's significantly less than what I weighed before I started clozapine.

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Old 04-01-2019, 10:45 AM   #32
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Ah, so it sounds like it's not your body's natural healthy weight. Remember that BMI isn't a perfect indicator at all. It doesn't take into account different builds and body types so it's entirely possible to be perfectly healthy and have an overweight BMI, just as it's possible to have a technically healthy BMI but not actually be healthy. Does that make sense?



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Old 01-02-2019, 07:55 PM   #33
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I am going to try not obsessing over calories and just try to eat sensibly

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Old 03-02-2019, 07:11 PM   #34
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That sounds like a great plan! Maybe you could communicate this to your family so that they can support you with it. They could even scribble out the numbers on packaging if that might be helpful?



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Old 11-02-2019, 01:22 PM   #35
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It's better to be fat and sane than skinny in hospital, right?

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Old 16-02-2019, 08:14 PM   #36
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Absolutely. Although I disagree that you are fat!



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Old 03-03-2019, 03:38 PM   #37
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I hate Sundays, I always end up stuffing myself with sugar.

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Old 03-03-2019, 05:03 PM   #38
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That's not so bad if it's only one day a week, right?

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Old 03-03-2019, 05:14 PM   #39
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Yeah that's true. I don't think it counts as binging but I am scared I will lose control. This is why I don't have sweets in the week.

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Old 03-03-2019, 05:18 PM   #40
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Well allowing yourself to have a treat day once a week is quite a good way of keeping that control. Plus it can be nice to reward yourself for sensible eating during the week.

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