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Old 10-04-2007, 11:24 PM   #1
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The Abuse and Bullying Mini Encyclopedia.

Hello and welcome to the Mini Encyclopedia!


This is for your reference for anything to do with Abuse and Bullying, it encompasses a wide range of basic information and will be constantly improved [hopefully!]. If you have anything you would like to add, be it a new definition, article or link then feel free to PM me or email me at ikle_me@recoveryourlife.com.

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Contents:
  • Definitions
  • FAQ
  • Essential Links
  • Short cut to all relevant articles
  • Advice Phone Lines


Last edited by random.swirls : 11-04-2009 at 12:59 AM.
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Old 10-04-2007, 11:24 PM   #2
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Definitions.

Rape
The criminal act of forcing another person to submit to sexual intercourse. The term rape covers any situation where the victim is deemed legally incapable of consenting if she or he is known to be mentally incompetent, intoxicated, drugged, or below the age of consent at the time of the incident. It also covers forced sexual intercourse within a relationship or marriage.

It is worth noting here that legally you do not need to have any physical evident of resistance (scratches, bruises. etc). So if you decided on taking it to the authorities that would not be held against you, as no means no.

Sexual Abuse
Is the illegal activity of sexual acts towards a minor by a parent, guardian, relative, or acquaintance.

Sexual Harassment
The making of unwanted and offensive sexual advances, or of sexually offensive remarks or acts. Especially when the person is in a superior or supervisory position or when acquiescence to such behaviour is a condition of continued employment, promotion, or satisfactory evaluation.

Incest
Sexual relations between relatives who are forbidden by law to marry; for example, father and daughter or mother and son.

Bullying
A term used to describe a form of harassment by someone who is in some form more powerful, either physically or socially, than their victimised peer. The bullying is aggressive and negative, and which happens repeatedly and on purpose.

Bullying can be further split into two categories, direct bullying and indirect [or social aggression. Direct typically takes form in various ways i.e. Poking, Slapping, and Kicking. Indirect covers malicious gossiping, harassing your friends to not socialise with you and ridiculing dress style, religion and other social markers.

Online Stalking
When an individual attempts to gain the confidence of someone via chatrooms or email etc in order to harass or stalk them. They go out there way to gain information on you by trawling pages you visit to intimidate and flame you.

Cyber Bullying
Similar to online stalking, but is usually when the individuals met on mutual terms, school etc and then bullying takes form in virtual forms such as text messages, blogs, posts and defamatory websites.

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Old 10-04-2007, 11:25 PM   #3
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FAQ.

Is bullying the same as abuse?

Abuse applies to harmful or improper treatment of something, and when used on this board applies to the body by another persons hand. Bullying therefore is a form of abuse and describes a form of harassment by someone who is in some form more powerful, either physically or socially, than their victimised peer.

So to remove all the fancy words... Yes it is the same thing.

How do I support a friend that has been abused?

Firstly and most importantly, every person is different. I think what you need to remember is that they are still your friend. On the most basic level you need to be there, listen to them, let them open up in their own time and don't force them to talk before they are ready.

Take time to read up, there are millions of websites that cover all aspects of abuse with basic information to personal accounts. This will allow you to get some perspective on the situation and also may answer some of your questions.

Finally remember that you need to be able to get support also, your friend is going through a very emotional time, and this will effect you. You need to be able to vent out what your feeling and take care of yourself as much as you take care of them.

I'm new, and too shy to start opening up. What can I do?

There is no time limit of opening up! Take your time and have a look around the board. There is loads of information open to you without having to ask (if you scroll down you find plenty of links to great articles).

Maybe poke your nose into the Coffee Shop which is a totally none triggering environment where people can chat about day to day issues and generally have fun. Come in say hello and become acquainted with the regular faces :)

I personally think we have the most friendly members of ryl on this board, and I am sure you could drop them a PM if your still feeling nervous. We are all happy to help out a newbie.

Just take your time. We don't bite!

Was I raped?

Rape is sexual intercourse that you did NOT consent to. To consent you have to clearly be saying yes, willingly participating and at no point feeling "forced" into sex. If you are drunk/drugged (by choice or not) and unable to clearly state your consent this can also be seen as rape. Please remember at all times and with anyone be it stranger, partner or acquaintance No Means No.
Is it still serious if it's done by children?

Age is utterly irrelevant when it comes to abuse. Children (under 16's) can be seen as more vicious in terms of bullying and when it comes to physical strength a child attacking another child can cause as much damage as an adult attacking another.

Regardless of the age of the abuser the emotional effect is the same and therefore you deserve as much support as anyone else.

Does it cause other illnesses/conditions?

Yes it can. Common conditions related to abuse are Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and flashbacks.

All of which are not to be ignored and need to be treated along side your recovery after abuse as they will all be very interlinked.

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Old 10-04-2007, 11:26 PM   #4
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Essential Links.

Bullying Links and Stories

Anti-Bullying Network: A Scottish run site so that teachers, parents and young people can share ideas about how bullying should be tackled. An amazing site, crammed full of articles on bullying within school, the community and even into the workplace. It is all written in a very adult way, but there "Young People's Section" should appeal to young teenagers.

Bullies 2 buddies: Rather different approach to the other sites stated, this one is geared at "empowering victims". I do quite like this idea, and although may not be good for everyone it is definitely something to look into if you want a new idea how to handle the situation without going to a teacher/parent etc.

Bullying. No Way! [Adult information], Bullying. No Way! [Student Page]: A small part of a larger Australian site all to do with well being for students. This site isn't set out fantastically but it does hold information on Student Rights, and many other important information.

Cyber Bullying: An information site, explaining what cyber bullying relates to, facts and figures and a huge list of resources.

Jareds Story: All about "Bullycide" when Bullying leads to suicide. Many personal stories on there, I've sat and read many of them, and found tears in my eyes on many occasions. None are graphic with their detailing on the suicide, but still take care.

Stop Bullying Now: A website aimed at supplying information to anyone who wants to stop bullying within their school and community. Not the best out of the group but has some really interesting titbits.


Sexual Abuse Links and Stories

AACAP: The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Yes a hell of a mouthful. But potentious name aside this web page is crammed with information about how to spot the signs of an abused child, clearly written and an excellent resource.

Abused Empowered Survive Thrive: For survivors of childhood abuse. Full of articles for both male and female survivors, unfortunately their forums are currently closed to new members with no word of when they will reopen to new applications.

MDSA - Making Daughters Safe Again: A comprehensive site that aims to support and advocate for survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse.

Rainn.org: The largest organisation for rape, abuse and incest surivivors. Rainn has a huge library of articles, all very well written. I personally think one of the best websites around on the topic.

Womens Health, Sexual Assault: American site with basic information on what defines sexual assault and how you can report it.



Domestic Violence Links and Stories

DVIRC: The Domestic Violence & Incest Resource Centre is an Australian website full of information assist those that have been abused and educate those that are supporting an abused person.

Medline Plus: Probably the best site for domestic violence information. Holds pretty much all you need to know from basic information on the subject to coping tips and latest news. Only lacks a members section, yet still highly recommended.


Physical Abuse Links and Stories

Child Physical Abuse: A good site with in depth information on Physical Abuse to children including how to spot the signs both actual markings and behaviour changes. Also contains a good section on how to spot the difference between physical "punishment" (slapping etc) and "abuse".

Prevent Abuse: A simple web page with information on how to spot the signs of physical abuse on both adults and infants.



Emotional Abuse Links and Stories

Emotional Abuse: A wealth of information covering all the varying degrees of emotional abuse and also covers characteristics of emotionally abused people and also a large section on abusive mothers.

Woman Abuse Prevention: Contains a huge list of questions to ask yourself if you think you maybe in an emotionally abusive relationship.



Last edited by typsee : 24-05-2008 at 04:25 AM. Reason: adding link
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Old 10-04-2007, 11:27 PM   #5
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Shortcuts to relevant articles.

The Abuse and Bullying section of the website:
Updated as links go up


Last edited by Dreaming. : 19-03-2008 at 06:50 PM. Reason: Editing/updating links
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Old 10-04-2007, 11:27 PM   #6
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Advice Phone Lines.

Bullying:

America:
National Teen Emergency Hotline: 1-800-448-3000


Canada:
Kid's Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868


UK:
Childline: 0800 1111
Anti Bullying Campaign Counselling and Advice: 020 7378 1446


Australia:
Crisis Line for Information/Counselling: 1.800.622.112


Abuse:

America:
RAINN - The Rape Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673
Rape Hotline - Tel: 1-800-656-HOPE
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
National Sexual Violence Resource Center (877) 739-3895

Canada:
RAINN - The Rape Abuse & Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

UK:
Rape and Abuse Line 080 8000 0123
NSPCC: 0808 800 5000
Careline [London]: 0181 514 1177
Reporting Elder Abuse: 0181 679 7074


Australia:
Statewide Sexual Assault Helpline 1800 010 120

Northern Ireland:
Women's Aid Federation 24 hour, domestic violence: 028 90 331818 NEXUS Institute (counsels adults, survivors of sexual abuse): 028 90 326803
MRSA, Male Rape Support Assocation: 07932898274 or 07903976560
Victim Support: 8780870
AMEN (confidential advice line for victims of domestic abuse): 046 23718
Dublin Rape Crisis Centre Helpline: 1 800 77 88 88

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Old 04-12-2010, 01:55 AM   #7
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A/B FAQ: I experienced sexual pleasure during abuse. Does that mean I liked it?

Many people have gone through immense guilt, confusion and shame over feeling sexual pleasure during sexual abuse or rape. Experiencing sexual pleasure during abuse can not only confuse a person by making them think they “liked” it and think terrible things about themselves, but it is sometimes used as a of leverage by abusers. Quite often, if abusers noticed their victim’s body reacted to sexual stimulation they might say that it means the person enjoyed it, or call them dirty names. This makes the victim feel worse about an already traumatic experience.

First and foremost everyone should know that sexual pleasure is not something that can be controlled. All it really is, is the body’s reaction to a stimulation. A person’s reaction of sexual pleasure during sexual abuse is no different than a person’s reaction of pain during physical abuse. Your body cannot differentiate from a person you want to be sexual with and one you do not. It also does not know that you might be too young to experience any feelings like that. You should never blame yourself for something as physically involuntary as this.

Also, when you think about the feeling of “liking” or “enjoying” something, it is an emotion. Now of course, sometimes physical aspects come into play, but enjoyment is first and foremost an emotion. If you were raped/sexually abused you were obviously feeling, scared, sad, confused, and a mess of other painful emotions. Therefore, no matter what your physical reaction, you did not “like” it.


Last edited by Amaryllis : 04-12-2010 at 05:27 AM.


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Old 04-12-2010, 02:02 AM   #8
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A/B FAQ: My parents used to hit me when I was a kid. Was this child abuse?

Corporal punishment is legal in most countries, save for a select few like Sweden. However, social acceptability of corporal punishment has changed over the years. Many people have experienced a spanking or slap in the face for talking back, fighting with siblings or other childhood naughtiness. While this may not be the best way to deal with discipline, it doesn’t always mean that person was abused. However, with more liberal views today some people wonder whether or not the punishments they experienced as children were abuse.

While it may not be as reassuring as it should be, the laws on the line between discipline and abuse are a bit hazy. Generally it is stated that spanking children on the bottom with an opened palm is the accepted corporal punishment. However, some signs that your being hit was abuse are some of the following:
-bruises, welts, cuts or scars were left on your body
-your daily life and functioning is affected (This is one of the legal American lines between discipline and abuse. An example of your “daily life and functioning” being affected would be being so sore and bruised the day(s) after being hit that you were unable to sit in your desk at school or play at recess.)
-you were hit with objects such as belts, switches, hangers, electrical cords, or paddles
-you were hit through your teenage years and even into your early 20’s
-you were hit without any actual cause (ex: you could not recall doing anything wrong or did not know why you were being hit)

While some of the above might be hazy there are some things that are definite indicators of abuse. If you can say yes to any of the following with your experiences, then you were definitely abused.
-if you were ever thrown against a wall/the floor/down stairs, burned or scalded, punched, kicked, choked, knocked unconscious, bled profusely, had bones broken, stabbed/cut, starved, or tied up.
-if you were hit every day, almost every day or several times a day
-if you were ever locked in a closet, cupboard or other small space for an extended period (ex: hours, days, weeks)
-if you ever needed to be taken to the hospital
-if you were told or needed to make up false explanations for marks on your body


Last edited by Amaryllis : 04-12-2010 at 05:25 AM.


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Old 04-12-2010, 02:05 AM   #9
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A/B FAQ: I was abused as a child and am/will soon be a parent. Am I going to abuse my children too?

It is a fact that abuse often runs in cycles, but it is not like a genetic disease; you have control over how you treat your children. Many people abuse their children even when they don’t want to because they do not know how to deal with the stress of parenthood or deal with discipline. If you are worried about abusing your children there are things to do to help. There is a group called Parents Anonymous that you can join that helps to prevent child abuse and counsel people who are worried about abusing their children. Along with possibly joining this group there are other things you can look into. Many cities have parenting classes or “baby college” you can sign up for that will assist you in becoming a good mom or dad. You can also read books on parenting and discipline or even watch shows like Supernanny that always have helpful tips. It’s also a good idea to have lots of support systems like family and friends who you can call when you’re upset, need help or a break from the kids. Remember, just because you were hurt it doesn’t mean your children will be as well.


Last edited by Amaryllis : 04-12-2010 at 05:31 AM.


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Old 04-12-2010, 02:08 AM   #10
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A/B FAQ: I was sexually abuse by a person of the same sex. Does that make me gay?

No, being abused by a person of the same sex does not mean you are gay. The only thing that makes a person gay is the desire to be sexual with a person of the same sex.

Quite often male victims of sexual abuse by another male feel extremely emasculated and have a big fear of “being” gay or being seen by others as gay. As I mentioned before there is a huge amount of emasculation and they feel as though they may not be a real man, because of their weak and helpless emotions while during abuse. If you are someone who fits into this category remember that it was not your fault, and that being sexually abused does not make you less of a man, and unless you feel attraction towards other men you are not gay.

Female victims of sexual abuse from a member of the same sex often feel more isolation than other victims, especially when it comes to thoughts of being disbelieved. Sexual abuse and assault when committed by females is extremely underreported, and most people assume abusers are male. Like males, some females who have been abused might also fear being gay, but again if you are not attracted to other women then you are not. Also remember that even though there isn’t as much publicity about this form abuse, there are many other women who have experienced it.

If you do feel the desire to be with the same sex, then you probably would have felt that way had the abuse occurred or not. The statistics are that one in three girls is sexually abused, one in six boys is sexually abused, and one in ten people are gay. With these numbers it is natural that some may fit into both categories. This might cause you some emotional turmoil and trouble. If thoughts of sexual orientation persist in bothering you, you should seek professional help to deal with these feelings. If you felt sexual pleasure during abuse that also does not mean you are gay or enjoyed it. For more questions about that subject please see the FAQ thread about pleasure during abuse.


Last edited by Amaryllis : 04-12-2010 at 05:28 AM.


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