Hun i know how hard it is to distract yourself from SI urges ...
But believe me recovery is worth fighting for , It's hard sometimes to share the ones we love about how we feel , sometimes cause you can't even explain it to yourself or sometimes cause it's hard to let them see right through you [at least thats how i feel....]
You said that you had it in your hand , please hun can you get rid of the blade ? ? It will be much easier to fight the urges when you don't have sharp objects to hurt yourself with .
If you wanna tell your friend about how you feel , why don't you mail her ? Or may be chat with her on MSN or something like that , it will be much easier for you to share your emotions that way .
I hope you'd keep distracting yourself . Here are some useful links:
The fun and Distractions Forum [link]
The Big Distraction list [link]
stay strong ,
PM anytime x