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Old 14-04-2019, 07:26 PM   #1
yoyogirl
 
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I gave the groups :)

Hi all.I have made some decisions over the last weeks and that I have finally left all the groups in town, it was tough decision to make as realised that some people would angry with me for choosing a much quieter existence. But I thought hard about it realised that when i was going, I was coming home more isolated, frustrated and depressed then when I didnít turn up. I also found new hobbies online and started walking regularly and actually found them more beneficial to my wellbeing.
I also realised that actually I was bored going in the first place, not a lot happened and it wasnít meaningful for me. The times I did go there and turn up, I was left waiting ages for people turn up, the conversations were diabolically boring, it took more anxiety in me to go my self and to actually stay more than twenty minutes and nothing about the groups was memorable.. tbh I was bored that I saw the back of eyelids and yawned a bit too much.
So what I did was, I walked off and never returned again and I feel 300x better. I am freeee. I have also realised that I enjoy walking every day, I love music and I have hundreds on penpals all over the globe 🌍, who I write to, email, text, call on Skype/FaceTime that I feel that I have a more meaningful friendship with..we chat a lot of the time, I have I have known most of them since 2007, well before I developed a number of mental health conditions. Bpd. PTSD, depression etc and the friendships are blossoming, they understand my personal needs and how I am physically with the fibromyalgia. So they understand that If i chat to them it isnít personal and I feel that human with them..

in other words I ainít worried if I get upset, angry or I am dancing around in the space of five minutes. I can be me...and not the half asleep bored out of my ass feeling I used to feel and itís also giving my racing heart rate I get from anxiety a rest. I now only feel that when I am walking quickly or exams, coursework deadlines and things are worthy of my time and effort.



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 15-04-2019, 03:15 PM   #2
one_step_closer
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I hope your decisions are good for you and you start to feel better for doing the activities you are doing. I can relate a bit to the group thing, when I went to a social contact group it was so boring just sitting there for 2 hours listening to people talk and it made me feel worse for wasting that time. If you can find healthy activities that you enjoy then definitely keep doing them. Contact with pen pals is good too, but try not to completely isolate yourself from face to face contact. Take care.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 16-04-2019, 05:10 PM   #3
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Also what was also confusing the situation, is that due a very bad incident with friend in London i have issue people are leave me and i am gonna left alone, so for them to constantly mess me my trust levels are downhill and plus I also cannot hear with the sensory overload mode and being hard of hearing. If could cope with multple conversations in confined spaces i would be okay but i cannot filter out the television in the background and the radio
so my plan is that i am going to find some local penpals in my area get to know them on facebook and then progress meeting one day, plus I am seeing Graham regularly and things are okay.



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 16-04-2019, 05:24 PM   #4
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Maybe it's a matter of finding the right group rather than just isolating yourself entirely?

I used to say it was fine just having online friends and I was absolutely convinced I was right, but actually it's not really.

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Old 04-07-2019, 03:03 PM   #5
yoyogirl
 
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I have Graham now my closest friend in real life and we still see each other once fortnight which suits me perfectly, 24 hours with him is enough for me :)



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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Old 04-08-2019, 07:26 PM   #6
yoyogirl
 
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Things are awesome the feelings of wanting to go back give it another try, have completely diminished and with help of pregablin I’m back in that soothing place away from that situation altogether. Now I can focus on my main situation and get that social work interview nailed and cache course completed.... since thinking more about social work I have thought have time to ponder, worry, ruminate on friendships and groups. I have have my safe green things now my iPad, PenPals, Iphone, Graham, parents, family and their friends plus gaming, YouTube and Netflix.



Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. I tried groups, didn't work out just made my depression a lot worse.

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